martaonmarta.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

Nothing feels sexier than realizing that you don't care that the number on the scale is actually your pre-poop weight

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

[my innie on the vent slack]: I do nothing but do a good job and earn my outie money, and how does she repay me? With a hangover and a post-Taco Bell explosion

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

Dick head implies the existence of dick shoulders, knees and toes

submitted 10 days ago • 8 comments

Severance is just Plato's Allegory of the Cave for people who didn't read books in high school

submitted 8 days ago • 1 comment

Costco and Trader Joes are yin and yang. Together they form a harmonious balance. One sells big piles of normal food, the other sells small piles of weird food. These are the two food piles people need

submitted 13 days ago • 117 comments

I forgot that I had the Legally Blonde soundtrack on CD. No wonder my mom knew I was going to be a lawyer. I always thought it was because I was an asshole.

submitted 14 days ago • 0 comments

I’m too lazy to be horny.

submitted 15 days ago • 2 comments

Tell me about your household item that you can no longer use because it is now Cat's Most Prized Possession. Mine is the laundry hamper.

submitted 15 days ago • 1 comment

There is too much sex in Game of Thrones for how little they bathe

submitted 18 days ago • 0 comments

If you join or return to Pokémon GO using my referral code BP8X44G83, you’ll get a welcome reward, earn special bonus items, and more. pokemongolive.com/refer?code=B...

submitted 25 days ago • 0 comments

You know it's a good workout when you gotta poop halfway through

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments

I love living in "the greatest country on earth" where I get irrationally excited that I finally find a pharmacy that has my amphetamine prescription in stock.

submitted 28 days ago • 0 comments

Why are taxes horrible and confusing and painful and everything bad. (I enjoy paying taxes for the wonderful services I receive but they could make the process less awful)

submitted 30 days ago • 0 comments

I already paid for My Chemical Romance. I already paid for Bad Bunny. 🗣️🗣️ BEYONCE DO YOU OFFER FINANCIAL AID.

submitted 31 days ago • 0 comments

I should eat. *makes coffee

submitted 32 days ago • 12 comments

The butthole is the powerhouse of the cell.

submitted 32 days ago • 1 comment

Brain: she's a cunt Dick: dat ass doe Brain: true

submitted 34 days ago • 0 comments

Gossip Girl walked so ATLScoop could run

submitted 34 days ago • 0 comments

I love a nice pap smear in the morning

submitted 35 days ago • 0 comments

I've always enjoyed being a defense attorney/professional devil's advocate until I met the actual devil and she is a prosecutor

submitted 36 days ago • 0 comments

anime is just a fancy way of saying you’d fuck a cartoon

submitted 37 days ago • 18 comments

Why is my IT guy trying to sell me pyramid scheme health supplements

submitted 37 days ago • 0 comments

the existence of the RMS Lusitania implies the existence of the RMS Tightitania

submitted 37 days ago • 1 comment

Why does every man between 25 and 65 have a podcast, who listens to all these podcasts, do they know there are other hobbies than recording podcasts?

submitted 37 days ago • 607 comments

Having a bladder is honestly so inconvenient