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massdude.bsky.social
Dunkin enthusiast and joke Twitter refugee My ramblings: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:4t4lpf5gu33hr2nzmatz5sxu/feed/aaaalwyh7fwzo
565 posts 3,815 followers 1,458 following
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Posts 48 Comments 2

Instead of doing my taxes this year, I just scrawled, “Hakuna matata!” on the paperwork and filed the return.

submitted 416 days ago • 8 comments

It can always be worse. Like being reincarnated as a bath towel for the grossest person you know.

submitted 12 hours ago • 0 comments

I'm the white lady on vacation trying to fit in like "𝑫𝒐𝒏𝒅𝒆 𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒂 𝒆𝒍 lazy river?"

submitted 2 days ago • 3 comments

l just plugged the usb into my laptop, in the correct hole, on the first try. So it IS possible, guys. IT. IS. POSSIBLE.

submitted 7 days ago • 43 comments

My squad goals involve never being part of a squad.

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

“Under Pressure” - Queen hit and me trying to type correctly while someone is watching.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Blue smoke - Boy Pink smoke - Girl White smoke - Pope

submitted 2 days ago • 12 comments

This is only a test

submitted 3 days ago • 14 comments

“Given how well you’re doing without us, we’re going to cancel our scheduled visit.” -Press release from The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

I want what Rip Van Winkle had.

submitted 10 days ago • 1 comment

And that's when that nun spit on me.

submitted 338 days ago • 0 comments

Tesla? Alset.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

was our safety dancing all for naught?

submitted 24 days ago • 21 comments

They say “Nothing ever lasts forever”. They’ve never met my back pain, hangover, or utter contempt for our current bullshit timeline.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

Establish dominance over your doctor by not validating HIS parking.

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

*whispers during sex* what base is this?

submitted 7 days ago • 11 comments

so the pope is one of those jedi ghosts now, right?

submitted 3 days ago • 6 comments

pope really said "my last message to earth: fuck JD Vance" and gave up the ghost huh

submitted 4 days ago • 5 comments

(not getting likes because my posts are bad) it's because i'm not verified

submitted 3 days ago • 90 comments

To be honest, “Pontiff Slayer” is a way cooler title than JD Vance deserves.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

“JD Vance in the Vatican with a meeting” is an unexpected addition to the game Clue.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

At some point the Cadbury Bunny really should see a proctologist.

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

is everyone ready for Magic Zombie Comes Out of Cave Day i’ve been sharpening my crossbow bolts since Magic Not-Yet-Zombie Rides Donkey Day

submitted 5 days ago • 8 comments

Emily Blunt: fuck me Emily Subtle: come up for coffee

submitted 10 days ago • 21 comments

Autocorrect just changed “your honor” to “your boner” so yeah I’d guess you can say my plea to the judge is going great.

submitted 6 days ago • 4 comments

In my defense your honor, I wasn’t expecting you to be such a meanie

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

In an alternate universe, Kevin Bacon starred in “FootTight” where a small town preacher gets lazy boring teens to dance.

submitted 7 days ago • 1 comment

Kristi Noem: “My goal is to adjust the water pressure in every American shower in case President Trump’s head ferret wants to take a dip."

submitted 7 days ago • 57 comments

The fifth dentist recommended coating your teeth in fish oil and setting them on fire. The other 4 don't want you to know this simple trick.

submitted 12 days ago • 1 comment

If I live long enough to go into a nursing home, I want to deal drugs and be called Walter White-hair.

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

“Reasons I Drink” by Alanis is the most appropriate description of my life and times by a song title.

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

Possibly terrifying, possibly good for the environment if literal: Applebees

submitted 75 days ago • 3 comments

The first "Karen" was whiny little bitch Sammy Hagar, who wrote a song complaining about a life-saving speed limit.

submitted 8 days ago • 2 comments

It’s cute you think the disco is the only place I panic

submitted 160 days ago • 7 comments

Her: (stealing my hoodie) Tariffs. Me: But… Her: TARIFFS

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

Disney After Dark presents: Rectum Ralph

submitted 10 days ago • 7 comments

Remembering that one time, I wore my sexy Jason costume to the Oddities & Curiosity thing in Dallas & that one chick said she loved my outfit & then said, "slay girl, slay" & we both laughed & laughed.

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

you look like you smell of cigarettes and sadness 🫶

submitted 13 days ago • 3 comments

Me: sorry for falling asleep while you were speaking Boss: I haven’t said anyth… Me: zzzzz

submitted 18 days ago • 1 comment

I’ve had too much coffee and now I can hear the color blue

submitted 11 days ago • 11 comments

I do believe that I have perfected the art of the ugly cry Come at me fellas

submitted 10 days ago • 4 comments

🎵Cereal for breakfast And Cereal for dinner Cereal for supper Like some kind of winner Cereal at midnight Ate over the sink These are a few of my favourite things

submitted 8 days ago • 4 comments

More like a “sales fuck off” am I right?

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

Pencilling a five minute giggle fit into my agenda for tomorrow

submitted 8 days ago • 4 comments

My favorite erotic nursery rhyme? It’s gotta be Hot Cross Buns.

submitted 9 days ago • 4 comments

I have a hatchet that’s the least of the several I use but it’s good for cutting stock with metal in it and I can throw it in an empty drywall bucket at the end of the day.

submitted 8 days ago • 6 comments

LOOK AT ME GODDAMNIT -daffodils

submitted 8 days ago • 17 comments

I wasn't validated by any people today, but at least six lights turned on for me, and one toilet flushed!

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments