Profile avatar
matthewkjohnson.bsky.social
World’s biggest crybaby
86 posts 87 followers 60 following
Prolific Poster
Conversation Starter
Posts 31 Comments 19

I need to reiterate that despite what some people assume I am not on steroids

submitted 14 hours ago • 1 comment

Would watch. Straight people never notice anything

submitted 18 hours ago • 2 comments

Post you from a different era:

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

I love that Quad City DJs want you to ride the train, and then when you press them for a reason, the best they can come up with is “it’s a choo choo.”

submitted 3 days ago • 13 comments

Trying to decide which internet brand of jeans is lying to me the least

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Someone who is in a relationship with me needs to know implicitly where on the subway platform we stand so it’s likelier we get a seat and that it’s the center of the car that receives to most air conditioning

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

I got this big and strong because it’s a sexy look that I love for myself but ALSO so it would be easier for me to defend my community from violent fascists

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

Friend was so excited to tell me that there was sumo wrestling on this week’s Amazing Race and he was RIGHT I’M SO STOKED!

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

No, I don’t know him, me and him are just the two largest guys who go to our gym so when I see him we eye each other with a sort of familiar wariness

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

I looked nice

submitted 6 days ago • 1 comment

Yo

submitted 7 days ago • 2 comments

The other night at the bar some guy said I looked like a bara drawing 😳

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

Here’s the thing: if you think that I, as a big guy, am hot because I am a big guy, you will have to also accept that you, as a little guy, are hot because you are a little guy

submitted 8 days ago • 1 comment

It's the weekend, baby

submitted 18 days ago • 15 comments

can't believe it's 2025 and i'm stressed about tariffs and measles, like am i a character in an american girl book

submitted 15 days ago • 337 comments

Caught being a charmingly esoteric film gay at an Oscar party…

submitted 16 days ago • 1 comment

It took seeing adult bullies to understand that my childhood bullies didn’t even really want to hurt me, they just wanted to feel powerful and how I felt about it wasn’t even in the equation. I can’t imagine someone not outgrowing that, but apparently it happens quite a lot!

submitted 18 days ago • 1145 comments

submitted 28 days ago • 0 comments

Sometimes you just have to lay down the law

submitted 29 days ago • 65 comments

Any day now this administration will suggest that they can cut government spending by removing a portion of "excess population" and media figures are going to analyze it in print and on television as a legitimate political position

submitted 29 days ago • 0 comments

Meryl it has been 30 years since THE RIVER WILD, you’re ready for another action movie

submitted 49 days ago • 0 comments

It’s annoying when the band t-shirts I find online only go to XL. Merch sellers should figure out that all the middle-aged punks like me are fat as hell now.

submitted 84 days ago • 0 comments

Hey kids

submitted 87 days ago • 0 comments

Very much me

submitted 111 days ago • 1 comment

submitted 116 days ago • 5 comments

wherever you are it’s ska

submitted 119 days ago • 4 comments

All I am looking for in a boyfriend right now is someone who a) hasn’t seen “Station Eleven” and b) will earnestly allow me to show them every episode of “Station Eleven”

submitted 118 days ago • 0 comments

Whom is your birthday twin?

submitted 120 days ago • 1 comment

Tonight while flirting with a man he made an offhand reference to Lilith’s Brood by Octavia Butler so just fyi I am not taking any more applications for husband

submitted 121 days ago • 0 comments

I just remembered I had a Bluesky

submitted 121 days ago • 1 comment