mattruby.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

Bill Burr on Krist Novoselic: "That guy just does not give a f- in a really good way. First of all, he went bald like a shoe salesman. He never shaved the whole thing to try to make it look like maybe he knows some jujitsu. He went bald like Bob Newhart as a rock star. Doesn't give a f–.”

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We got rid of bullying and now the world’s biggest bullies keep giving us atomic wedgies and we have no idea how to respond. We lost our bullying antibodies!

submitted 17 hours ago • 1 comment

My kid better be trans or learn Chinese. Gonna be the only way to keep up in the future. Actually, fingers crossed my kid will be trans Chinese (aka Japanese). 🤞

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“But I’ll tell you what Sphere isn’t: rock ‘n roll. Because staring at a screen or pointing your phone at a screen is empirically NOT ROCK. No one ever says, ‘Remember that time we were all pointing our phones at that screen together? That rocked!’” 👇 mattruby.substack.com/p/u2-at-sphe...

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🎨

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Writing advice from Cole Schafer: "Your work carries an energy that is felt by the end consumer. If you are inspired by your work, the reader will be inspired too. Your reader feels what you feel. So, pay very close attention to what you feel." 👇 funnyhow.substack.com/p/if-you-hav...

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Wedding idea: No more exchanging vows. Instead, exchange smartphone passcodes. If she has access to your OnlyFans, I'll believe you're true soul mates.

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"He's just trolling you." THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT OK. I DON'T LIKE THE ENTIRE WORLD TURNING INTO THE INTERNET. I WANT LEADERS WHO DELIVER CALM. I HATE THAT THESE NAUGHTY LITTLE BOYS HAVE THIS MUCH CONTROL OVER OUR NERVOUS SYSTEMS. "U MAD, BRO?" NO, I'M IRRITATED.

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The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends tow– Oh, wait. It just has scoliosis. Never mind.

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Master race guys really dropped the ball.

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The argument from our Silicon Valley overlords right now:

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David Bowie: "“If you feel safe in the area you’re working in, you’re not working in the right area." (more at link below...) 👇

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Most recent "Real Time" has the most outrageous opinion Bill Maher has ever offered: He disagrees with Kid Rock's politics but LOVES his music. Might be the only person in the world to hold both those opinions simultaneously. 😂

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Literally all I want the NYC mayor to do is make sure the trash is collected, the streets are plowed, and the C train at midnight doesn’t feel like the psych ward at Bellevue.

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New ep of my pod Kind of a Lot with Matt Ruby is up. All about the hate people throw at the @nytimes and mainstream media in general. Produced by @stereoactive.bsky.social

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Mikaylas are the Jalens of girl names. Unheard of 30 years ago, inescapable now.

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1) Saying you'll remove yourself if there is a conflict of interest IS A CONFLICT OF INTEREST. 2) Of course the justice system is "weaponized" against criminals. That’s how it’s supposed to work. It's like saying soap has been weaponized against dirt. It all hurts my brain so much.

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Fun deathbed line from Steve Jobs: His doctor forbid everything. Steve confessed that this once, he’d like to be treated a little specially. I told him: Steve, this is special treatment. He leaned over and said: “I want it to be a little more special.” funnyhow.substack.com/p/death-and-...

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Every clip I’ve seen from this is hilarious. Can’t wait to watch the full thing!

submitted 4 days ago • 1 comment

The trick nowadays is to get it just right enough that it’s believable and just wrong enough so it feels fresh. That's the goose that lays the golden engagement.

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OK, now they're just messing with me, right?

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It's amazing that people on Facebook will explain how the entire world can be viewed through a prism of oppressor/oppressed yet when asked to define their relationship say, “It’s complicated.”

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Fauxtations! “Do you guys like impressions?” -The Impressionists "I have main character energy." -Narcissists “So I did a thing.” -Serial killers "Bert people Bert people." -Ernie "An edible is inevitable." -My approach to social anxiety 👇 MORE 👇

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Kids, you won't believe this! Once upon a time, the Dems understood messaging...

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I feel bad for jocks. 🏈 Clip from BOLO, up now at YouTube. // #football #autism #autistic #sports #highschool #highschoolfootball #comedian #standup #standupcomedy #comedy

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Dear musicians, never put a phone ringing into one of your songs. Just don't do it. Never. Stop. Thank you.

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Everything's so violent now. We even need our burgers smashed and our salads chopped.

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The ultimate escape room is being in debt.

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OUT NOW! Matt Ruby dives into the ever-controversial world of media bias, particularly focusing on the New York Times and its critics from both the left and the right. - Written and presented by @mattruby.bsky.social - Produced and edited by @thejlm.bsky.social youtu.be/_XTAPBp67IE

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Him: "Revenge is a dish best served cold." Me: "So it's like an antipasti?"

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Pretty sure Musk will get the axe right before it’s time for all these Pentagon budget cuts that are supposedly coming. Because, as we all know, bank customers dealing with ridiculous overdraft fees are asking for it but Halliburton shareholders must be protected.

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One thing standup comedy teaches you is how terrible drunk people are at whispering.

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"Unlike you, I respect indigenous cultures!" -Man tossing virgin into a volcano

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Life lesson: People who actually do research typically don’t host podcasts.

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Tim Kreider: "It’s a writer’s job to try to talk honestly about what people are actually like, and resist the consensual fictions we all tell each other (and ourselves)...We do wrong things. We want what is bad for us." 👇 workingmethods.substack.com/p/tim-kreide...

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"I miss when boring truths were more impactful than entertaining lies. Everything right now is so dumb that it makes me miss the printing press because at least back then you had to do something to share your opinion. Viva barriers to entry!" 👇 open.substack.com/pub/mattruby...

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🎯 Cinderella: The prince married the maid because the glass slipper fit. Those roles would never be reversed. The queen would never marry the shoeshine boy because the condom fit. 🎯 25yo dating: What's your sign? 45yo dating: What’s your credit score? MORE: mattruby.substack.com/p/criticism-...

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

I used to love Mr. Magoo, but now I look back and realize I was just a child laughing at an elderly man clearly suffering from dementia.

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Shazam-ing a song and finding out who sings it is still the greatest magic trick I've ever seen.

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Please stop with the generative AI. It's garbage, theft, making us less capable. Image by www.nobodyssweetheart.com

submitted 10 days ago • 33 comments

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Check out video versions of my Kind of a Lot with Matt Ruby podcast here: www.youtube.com/@stereoactiv... New one dropping Friday! (via @stereoactive.bsky.social)

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🎯 Gen Z loves ket@mine because the high only lasts 20 minutes. They don't even have the attention span to do drugs. 🎯 I can't believe we're talking about tampons in men's bathrooms this much. Call me old fashioned, but I think a real man carries his own tampons. 👇 More 👇

submitted 10 days ago • 1 comment