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maxdavis.bsky.social
Writes jokes for TV so you’d think I’d be happier
49 posts 228 followers 397 following
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Posts 32 Comments 16

Lets save this amazing place from becoming another empty apartment you.38degrees.org.uk/petitions/sa...

submitted 23 days ago • 0 comments

Do you think air looks at water and thinks “nobody has to remind people to take more of me you dummy”?

submitted 82 days ago • 0 comments

Apparently Matt Gaetz has promised to go after everyone on Santa’s naughty list

submitted 89 days ago • 0 comments

Dear me in 6 months, You stupid bitch. You never learn.

submitted 95 days ago • 12 comments

Sometimes it feels like nothing I scream in couples therapy is helping

submitted 95 days ago • 0 comments

Ep 2 of Legends of Comedy now on Channel 4. Featuring the amazing Sally Phillips and written by me and Lenny Henry! Enjoy the blurry picture of my credit that only took 11 tries to get right

submitted 96 days ago • 1 comment

I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller, I wish I’d paid attention when subsequent song lyrics were mentioned

submitted 182 days ago • 12 comments

This job paved the way for me to become a full time comedy writer or as my 3 year old calls it “looking out of the window all day again”

submitted 105 days ago • 0 comments

[crooning] L is for the way I lick your peen O is for the orgasms you scream V is very very slippery wet and hairy E ejaculate in ropey streams across my butt And LOVE is what we call this thing we do LOVE is sweaty fun for 3 or 2 More than 3 can make it but it gets more complicated…

submitted 158 days ago • 1 comment

[crashing your wedding] “wow this place is a real echo chamber.”

submitted 107 days ago • 0 comments

ME: President Kennedy! I’m from the future, to warn you your nephew will grow up to enable a dictator! JFK: Okay, anything else I need to worry about? ME: I don’t know man, I’m not really a history buff

submitted 107 days ago • 0 comments

The worst thing to happen to a Kennedy in a vehicle, since JFK drove through Dallas

submitted 107 days ago • 1 comment

Got called into HR for being too handsome and charming again. Those weren’t the words they used, but I can read between the lines.

submitted 111 days ago • 7 comments

Lenny Henry’s Legends of Comedy starts tonight on Channel 4 at 8:15pm Written by me! 👀

submitted 108 days ago • 0 comments

When I make that little signing gesture in a restaurant, I’m not asking for the bill, I’m encouraging the waiter to finish their screenplay

submitted 172 days ago • 0 comments

I mean, anyone can just say things can’t they? I’m going to put a pumpkin on Venus in eleventy staples. See it’s easy

submitted 177 days ago • 0 comments

Dick Cheney: I DID shoot a guy and got away with it and I still wouldn’t vote for THAT guy

submitted 178 days ago • 0 comments

DOCTOR: Please rate the pain between 1 and not getting cast in the school production of Oliver

submitted 179 days ago • 0 comments

The only way to dispose of a used Q-Tip that has landed behind the toilet is to burn down your entire house.

submitted 179 days ago • 2 comments

And therefore I can reveal that the murderer is none other than… I’m so sorry we were introduced earlier but remind me

submitted 180 days ago • 0 comments

at what point do mass shootings get classified as domestic terrorism?

submitted 180 days ago • 1 comment

THERAPIST: Let's do some word association. ME: Night. THERAPIST: What? ME: Black. THERAPIST: We didn't start yet. ME: Up. THERAPIST: Oh boy. ME: Girl.

submitted 180 days ago • 0 comments

ur a self aware, electric bag of meat and somehow that fact isn't making you lose your absolute shit

submitted 180 days ago • 6 comments

Your porn star name is your first pet plus whatever people called you when you started having sex on camera for money

submitted 180 days ago • 0 comments

your email finds me at the bottom of a deep hole. dirt under my nails. dirt in my teeth. no memory of how I got here. or who I am. or, who I used to be. I am something different now. a desperate creature, resigned to the earth which swallows me. but that's cool about your terms of service, I guess

submitted 181 days ago • 1 comment

Urgh, my wife getting all pissy about proof reading my Grindr bio

submitted 180 days ago • 0 comments

clearly the maggots came from somebody's carrion luggage

submitted 383 days ago • 67 comments

Had Pizza Hut for lunch, so just gonna shit myself to death real quick

submitted 181 days ago • 0 comments

JUDGE: On the charge of poor grammar, how do you plead? ME: You’re honour… JUDGE: Take him away

submitted 182 days ago • 0 comments

If you play Zeppelin albums backwards on your phone, Spotify has to give you money

submitted 181 days ago • 0 comments

This is fast becoming my Citizen Kane

submitted 181 days ago • 1 comment

JUDGE: On the charge of poor grammar, how do you plead? ME: You’re honour… JUDGE: Take him away

submitted 182 days ago • 0 comments