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mediocritastic.bsky.social
adrift in a sea of low-fat balsamic vinaigrette
46 posts 65 followers 115 following
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Posts 22 Comments 28

"anarcho-communist? oh, no, you misheard me. I'm an arachno-communist. I believe we shouldn't have private property, and also the only legitimate form of government is THE SPIDER"

submitted 8 hours ago • 11 comments

me: *holds up drawing* is this the guy? witness: that looks nothing like him me: *furiously shaking Etch-a-Sketch* YOU DO IT THEN

submitted 3 days ago • 14 comments

This morning I listened to a gruff southern construction worker use “The Secret Life of Pets” as an analogy to describe construction equipment issues to his coworker. Both times required an in depth explanation of the plot to the other full grown adult man on the other side of the phone

submitted 15 days ago • 0 comments

Everybody slap your fascist uncle for me next chance you get please. I know it will ruin your niece’s baby shower, but god knows they’re not going to face any other consequences for their role in this

submitted 20 days ago • 0 comments

Accidentally revealed too much about my journey of revenge to Confucius so now I'm going to have to dig three graves.

submitted 20 days ago • 0 comments

Considering a pivot to writing world’s worst romance novels for a living. I bet I could do an incredible “The Billionaire Police Officer’s Secret Baby” if I really put my mind to it

submitted 23 days ago • 0 comments

if you wish to go far, go together. if you wish to go fast, go alone. if you wish to go cheaply, go to my trebuchet range after closing time; bring cash

submitted 24 days ago • 0 comments

There’s a very Schrödinger’s crawlspace element to homeownership where you just put off checking if those noises are raccoons in your attic or just House Sounds™️ because the second you come face to face with an unexpected raccoon you’re going to need to do something about it

submitted 32 days ago • 0 comments

It’s remarkable how much time I spend doing stuff that makes me unhappy for no good reason. I will wake up in the morning, put on a sweater that I know itches, eat a breakfast bar that tastes like feet, and then listen to songs I don’t really like on my way to work without even thinking about it

submitted 52 days ago • 1 comment

Think twice before gifting someone an M dwarf this holiday season

submitted 63 days ago • 123 comments

I imagine this is going to be controversial but can I just say that the kerning on the 1933-1935 United Airlines logo was insane?

submitted 64 days ago • 0 comments

Going to your mothers house with clean clothes instead of laundry in your suitcase feels like a good hallmark of adulthood and, by that metric, my mother has three lovely children in their late 20s

submitted 64 days ago • 0 comments

Facebook assumes most people want to see an average amount of low quality spam posts but gives you a (buried) setting to see less and it all just makes me wonder if there’s a single normal human being working there

submitted 66 days ago • 3 comments

I pry open the crab shell but instead of sweet crabmeat I find a tiny, bustling city filled with people who have my face. It tastes terrible

submitted 71 days ago • 75 comments

A home inspector once told me that lead paint chips are delicious and I’d be lying to you if I said I haven’t been a little tempted ever since

submitted 71 days ago • 0 comments

You could blackmail me pretty successfully with nothing but a compilation of the faces I make trying to get my Face ID to accept me

submitted 77 days ago • 0 comments

Nothing says “legitimate and safe for human consumption” to me quite like shitty CGI ads that play in low quality mobile games and I’m glad so many creatine powder manufacturers understand this.

submitted 78 days ago • 0 comments

no i will not change my display name to something cute and festive for the holidays. i am here to fight god

submitted 83 days ago • 21 comments

“Well you’d be thrilled to get them in a hospital” is apparently not a positive enough review of last night’s buffalo wings but I stand by what I said.

submitted 84 days ago • 0 comments

Contemplating both the origin and viability of the unopened snickers bar I found in the trash can in my home office. When did I get it? Why did I throw it out? Would it still be safe to eat? Truly the universe is full of mysteries

submitted 90 days ago • 0 comments

Incredible that we boiled a coral reef or whatever for AI to tell me that this was a great book but the story was a waste of time. My least favorite part about traditional book reviews was the way they made sense and the reviewers rarely killed a polar bear while writing.

submitted 91 days ago • 0 comments

This is a true fact: physically assaulting someone with a computer or computer accessories still falls under the umbrella of cybercrime, legally speaking

submitted 95 days ago • 0 comments