melongazpacho.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

I wore a sweater with prominent buttons to work today and an old guy in the cafeteria just called me “little gingerbread boy”

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Don’t talk to me about guilty pleasures until you’ve had Hormel Mary Kitchen canned corn beef hash Homestyle.

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

I’m gonna get away with so much shit once I’m old. Nothing sexual of course but I’ll be stealing from A LOT of gas stations.

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

Just got hit with one of those ice sheets. It was scary and went PING but was deflected due to a combination of my expertly engineered Toyota windshield and lightning fast reflexes. Also the truck was smaller. Still, I was right to tweet about it before and that’s what matters.

submitted 10 days ago • 1 comment

Heating and cooling patterns over the last few days have conspired to create 3 inch thick meter long sheets of ice that get blown into the air off the back of delivery trucks. I just saw a guys windshield get completely shattered that must’ve been fucking terrifying.

submitted 12 days ago • 1 comment

me, being very smart: Thinking of being egregious today

submitted 15 days ago • 0 comments

I specifically turned off AI text message summary and my phone started doing it again. The setting is buried and Siri can’t help me. I understand that Apple is trying to get me to kill myself but this is too far.

submitted 17 days ago • 0 comments

Technically his name is Valentine’s Monster.

submitted 18 days ago • 0 comments

Of course I have authority issues. Have you seen what authority looks like.

submitted 20 days ago • 0 comments

Racist Twitter boy and Gay Twitter girl be like Groypeo and Oomfiette

submitted 22 days ago • 0 comments

JD Vance makes me embarrassed to be a white guy with beautiful eyelashes.

submitted 23 days ago • 0 comments

Call me OLED because I Only Like Eating Donuts.

submitted 24 days ago • 0 comments

In a world full of scams and cults, there’s only one refuge for the pure of heart. Energy Drinks.

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments

Guantanamo Bay? I don’t know much about it but it sounds tropical~ 🌴🥥🦩

submitted 31 days ago • 0 comments

If this Press Sec. wants to be taken seriously she should wear a MUCH bigger cross with a dagger in it like Dracule Mohawk.

submitted 32 days ago • 0 comments

Sometimes in my dreams, my speed is reduced so that running or walking quickly is impossible. But then I wake up and remember about important things like semiconductors and Budgets.

submitted 34 days ago • 0 comments

Modern Yu-Gi-Oh is a great game precisely because it’s just one giant logistical nightmare.

submitted 34 days ago • 0 comments

Trying this thing called the “Albany Maneuver” where I wander diagonally through the road.

submitted 34 days ago • 0 comments

They’re calling me the “Not Getting Fired” champion of 2025 knock on wood

submitted 39 days ago • 0 comments

"are you gay" says the man in Washington "are you gay" says the man in the Vatican "are you gay" says the man in Moscow

submitted 64 days ago • 9 comments

Smartest man in the world throws a fat HH by accident. Oopsie Dasy.

submitted 40 days ago • 1 comment

If X was really a bastion of free speech, they would allow both the racism and the ability to tell people to kill themselves. Currently the second one gets you a 12 hour ban if anyone is curious.

submitted 40 days ago • 0 comments

I just accidentally deadnamed the McDonald’s ‘Deluxe McCrispy’ in Bridgeport, CT and they still called me ‘Boss’ twice.

submitted 46 days ago • 0 comments

I’m thinking after “Sid Meier’s Civilization VII” they could name the next one something like “Civilizations” in a cool font. That’s much more less woke.

submitted 47 days ago • 0 comments

My growing collection of fictional guys who performed surgery on their own brain. Please contribute if you have better information than me.

submitted 56 days ago • 0 comments

After getting paid to promote a fraudulent browser plugin scam to millions of people: “oops”

submitted 62 days ago • 0 comments

We don’t even have our proxy wars in interesting places anymore. At least Vietnamese food slaps. It’s simply not worth sending billions of dollars to a place when their main cultural export is red borscht.

submitted 63 days ago • 0 comments

Can I borrow a hundred and sixty dollars for a nice fancy meal

submitted 64 days ago • 1 comment

Nosferatatouille

submitted 64 days ago • 0 comments

Omnipotent mfers get real quiet when it’s time to start violating the law of noncontradiction. Oh I thought you said you could “do anything” stupid bitch.

submitted 67 days ago • 0 comments

I regret to inform all of you that Taco Bell chicken nuggets are fire……

submitted 71 days ago • 1 comment

Overall the US federal government is filled with a lot of talented and capable people doing a great job, but I think we can all agree things would be better if there was a wealthy South African guy who was heavily involved in the lawmaking process.

submitted 71 days ago • 0 comments

My cat and I both sometimes have difficulty differentiating between other real animals and Pokémon. It’s fine.

submitted 74 days ago • 0 comments

Shoutout to the inspection lady at my Northway Toyota for being nice to me.

submitted 77 days ago • 0 comments

Scrum Mistress

submitted 80 days ago • 0 comments

I’m still confused, which people are okay to kill? I bet Jesus would have the answer, that guy knew all kinds of stuff.

submitted 80 days ago • 0 comments

The Pringles man used to look directly at you. Now he kind of looks to the side. It’s less inviting body language, if you ask me.

submitted 81 days ago • 15 comments

Having one beer at the Annual State Workplace Holiday Luncheon and keeling over like Don Draper after eating bad oysters.

submitted 81 days ago • 0 comments