Profile avatar
michaelsander.bsky.social
Long story, short
86 posts 107 followers 580 following
Prolific Poster
Conversation Starter
Posts 34 Comments 16

Yeah I love Sorkin, Sorkin on chili dogs, outside the Tastee Freeze

submitted 17 hours ago • 3 comments

the first rule of Non Sequitur Club is barnyard

submitted 7 days ago • 14 comments

told my friend she was drawing her eyebrows too high and then she looked at me all surprised

submitted 39 days ago • 20 comments

So close

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

Adrian Brodie's speech could use an intermission

submitted 16 days ago • 0 comments

Waitress: Would you like to hear the specials? Customer: Sure. Waitress: 🎶Stop your messing around. Ah ah ah. Better think of your future. Ah ah ah. Time to straighten right out....🎶

submitted 22 days ago • 39 comments

[speed dating] Her: Hi, how are you? Me: OMG! What's with all the questions? You're stifling me!

submitted 29 days ago • 0 comments

democrats won’t admit it, but my family’s economic outlook has gotten a LOT better since Trump took office. but what do i know? i don’t have a fancy economics degree, i’m just a regular guy who runs an airplane scrapyard

submitted 29 days ago • 461 comments

I prefer to play hard to want.

submitted 35 days ago • 1 comment

umami: mushrooms udaddi: older guy w disposable income uchild: things are gonna get easier

submitted 46 days ago • 87 comments

Just went to the Oreo website and hit “accept all cookies” … and now we wait

submitted 54 days ago • 6 comments

*takes revenge by sending an enemy a feral cat *to make it worse, cat has very specific dietary needs

submitted 61 days ago • 6 comments

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will question google maps’ shortcut suggestions

submitted 67 days ago • 10 comments

I can no longer count on my fingers the number of chainsaw accidents I’ve had.

submitted 67 days ago • 26 comments

Dishwasher is broken. Using a fireplace poker and barbecue tongs to eat spaghetti off a wall clock

submitted 69 days ago • 155 comments

BIRD: *softly* ohhh don’t stop BEE: *pulls away* are- are you sure BIRD: *breathless* yes let’s make a human baby

submitted 313 days ago • 18 comments

I know nothing about man from Mars physiology or digestion or metabolism but going from a strict diet of eating cars to bars and then to guitars HAS to be a huge shock to the system, sure a guitar is a lot to eat but he WAS eating whole bars, where the people meet, face to face, dance cheek to cheek

submitted 74 days ago • 18 comments

🎶 take me down to spatula city where they sell the tools for my pancake flippy! 🎶

submitted 80 days ago • 4 comments

Me in the U.S.: *smiles* Me in Europe: *skilometers*

submitted 86 days ago • 17 comments

Very disappointed that they haven't made a sequel or even DLC for chess yet

submitted 86 days ago • 15 comments

Toronto seems nice

submitted 88 days ago • 0 comments

Toronto seems nice

submitted 88 days ago • 0 comments

I bought a pan in Reno, just to wash and dry.

submitted 100 days ago • 4 comments

I have TWO unwritten rules you guys: 1. 2.

submitted 93 days ago • 0 comments

Today on BlueSky, everyone is really mad at someone I've never heard of

submitted 90 days ago • 0 comments

the idea of being visited by aliens lost its appeal when i realized they’d likely just be some other planet’s asshole billionaires

submitted 94 days ago • 41 comments

Take me down to Food City where the food is good and the rhyming is questionable 🎶

submitted 97 days ago • 4 comments

I feel like I'm missing out because I don't have a foot fetish

submitted 97 days ago • 1 comment

every time I question my life choices they tell me shut the fuck up I hate you why can’t you be like a normal dad

submitted 351 days ago • 2 comments

There are some moments in life you never forget. First kiss, graduation, birth of a child, the day you realized puffer fish poof up with water and not air..

submitted 576 days ago • 3 comments

me: I'm terrible with names my son, frunck: I know

submitted 99 days ago • 7 comments

Yes I’m seeing a therapist. Can you see her too is this real

submitted 99 days ago • 23 comments

Saying something is "like Zelda" could mean almost anything

submitted 99 days ago • 0 comments

When you panic because you’re not sure if you’re ready to catch this baby. Call that a midwife crisis.

submitted 99 days ago • 3 comments