Profile avatar
missdemeanor.bsky.social
Help I'm trapped inside my own body
60 posts 171 followers 232 following
Prolific Poster
Conversation Starter
Posts 40 Comments 10

If you fart on the bus: 1. You're a monster. 2. You have remarkable courage

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

DEI stole my keys, pissed on the toilet, and crumpled my Bob Saget poster

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

The Gay Boogeyman is the reason I wasn't a division 1 athlete with a professional career in soccer

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

You say: "To each their own". I hear: "chicharrón"

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

PLEASE: Watch what happened in Coeur d'Alene Idaho today. This is fascism. Unmarked cops. 1A violations. RESIST.

submitted 5 days ago • 5200 comments

This morning at Dept of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) HQ in DC as mandatory return to office began, this video played on loop for ~5 mins on screens throughout the building, per agency source. Building staff couldn’t figure out how to turn it off so sent people to every floor to unplug TVs.

submitted 4 days ago • 2162 comments

I'll promise I'll go back to posting about diarrhea soon but wow this bill: H.R.1161 - To authorize the President to enter into negotiations to acquire Greenland and to rename Greenland as "Red, White, and Blueland".

submitted 17 days ago • 0 comments

submitted 22 days ago • 12 comments

I'm entering waning chicharrón phase.

submitted 25 days ago • 0 comments

we should all stop wearing clothes and start doing meth, like right now

submitted 26 days ago • 9 comments

Trump signed executive order 14149 to limit federal censorship, and yet is actively censoring science with executive order 14168

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments

Now that we're cutting all this wasteful fed spending, I can't wait for my fat tax return to show up on one of those human-sized award checks. Because it's going back to the people, right?

submitted 31 days ago • 0 comments

ReproductiveRights.gov doesn't work anymore.

submitted 39 days ago • 0 comments

Elon did Seig Heil twice (today). Tell your conservative parents, because that won't be covered in the news they watch.

submitted 39 days ago • 0 comments

To the Kieran Culkin mf who stared at my chest during last week's conference. I hope that you someday fall down the stairs trying to stare at a pair of tits.

submitted 39 days ago • 0 comments

i’m not that worried about trump because we have a strong opposition party that will post a lot in case he gets out of line

submitted 39 days ago • 12 comments

You ever get dunked on by a nerd? You may be eligible for compensation

submitted 43 days ago • 0 comments

Want to make conversation with someone since they sound like they're from Boston, but worried they might just have a speech impediment

submitted 44 days ago • 1 comment

Debugging C libs built by a decade of grad students at 6 am is punishment for the evil I've done in my life

submitted 51 days ago • 0 comments

People ask what's going on in my head and it's usually the circus song

submitted 53 days ago • 1 comment

Stop being poor ✋ 💅 youtu.be/2pcDeh0HU0g?...

submitted 56 days ago • 0 comments

Is it ok to be attracted to George Kittle but only when he has his helmet on?

submitted 60 days ago • 0 comments

Couple more lil brown shroomies #fungifriends

submitted 61 days ago • 0 comments

it’s forbidden in their culture but a vacuum cleaner wants nothing more than to eat it’s own cord

submitted 64 days ago • 20 comments

Still no santa

submitted 66 days ago • 0 comments

Feel like stealing Christmas, might give back all the presents if people look inwards

submitted 70 days ago • 0 comments

Just heard tween boys talking about Andrew Taint

submitted 70 days ago • 0 comments

if arguing online changed anything we'd all be running Linux

submitted 78 days ago • 186 comments

Today is giving "wear glasses in the shower and walk into a telephone pole" vibes

submitted 78 days ago • 0 comments

submitted 79 days ago • 0 comments

Next time I go to Boston I'm going to tell the first angry guy I see to have some calm chowder

submitted 82 days ago • 0 comments

There’s a Mr bean born every minute

submitted 82 days ago • 3 comments

Probably not going to compare myself to batman in my next interview

submitted 84 days ago • 1 comment

I'm in love with GIS and by that I mean the Greenland Ice Sheet

submitted 87 days ago • 0 comments

Me, looking at my conference abstract: lmao who is going to do all this

submitted 87 days ago • 0 comments

Antarctica Day is on Dec 1st each year. It marks the signing of the Antarctic Treaty, which sets aside Antarctica as a continent for peace and science. To help celebrate, here’s a photo I took a couple of years ago, of a seal which had clearly got the message about peace. Happy #AntarcticaDay!!

submitted 90 days ago • 4 comments

Snowy mushy hike #fungifriends

submitted 89 days ago • 1 comment

All of my project partners thought that a list of links was fine for a works cited.

submitted 91 days ago • 0 comments

What sounds really good right now is to have my grey matter power washed and also to get a trendy haircut

submitted 91 days ago • 0 comments

Now that there are more people on here, I thought I'd give this standup set one more little nudge. I am going to put out a whole hour special next year, but this is what my comedy is like for a few minutes! :)

submitted 91 days ago • 9 comments