misterhorton.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

Pecorino Romano is what Ray Romano calls his pecker

submitted 32 days ago • 0 comments

I hate when people don’t treat their housekeepers like family. We’ve had the same topless maid since my kid was born. She’s like a second topless mother to my son.

submitted 45 days ago • 0 comments

Keep my bald wife’s name out your bald wife’s mouth!

submitted 64 days ago • 0 comments

I went to the 2024 National Horseplayers Championship to get some footage for a sizzle reel on the wonderful world of horse race gambling. I ended up with a 30-minute documentary that comes out next week. Give it a watch, share it around, and help me sell a TV show. Giddyup! youtu.be/Yf5fmBrIYhE

submitted 66 days ago • 0 comments

Canceling Amazon Prime the second I finish Reacher season three

submitted 68 days ago • 0 comments

Every time I take a Waymo I leave a really good tip but now I’m worried about who’s actually getting the money.

submitted 72 days ago • 0 comments

Had a dream where Bruce Springsteen and RFK jr were one in the same. I think because of the way they both stand and wear blue jeans?

submitted 94 days ago • 0 comments

I've lived in LA my whole life and the experience of these fires is the closest thing to the Northridge Earthquake that I can think of. Eerie, devastating, depressing.

submitted 117 days ago • 0 comments

This is like The Talented Mr. Ripley but gay

submitted 120 days ago • 0 comments

Excited to introduce my nicotine-infused wine brand Zynfandel

submitted 137 days ago • 0 comments

Awesome to be an I told you so guy on stuff that can’t be proven one way or the other

submitted 142 days ago • 0 comments

Dyin Fein2tein

submitted 142 days ago • 0 comments

Checking my crypto losses in-between Arnold press sets at the gym and reminding myself that even though I can’t afford rent I can always shower at Fitness 19

submitted 145 days ago • 0 comments

2024 just has to twist the knife a little harder before it's done

submitted 146 days ago • 1 comment

hold tight i'll shortly be launching my Luigi Mangione memecoin

submitted 147 days ago • 0 comments

When I worked on Tosh.0 I got shitfaced at the company retreat and the head writer had to turn my body in the direction of my hotel so I could make it home. Got re-hired for the following season.

submitted 149 days ago • 0 comments

oh fuck oh fuck they just made me the new CEO of United Health

submitted 151 days ago • 0 comments

guys no more bingo card talk in 2025. you’ve got a month then that’s it

submitted 151 days ago • 0 comments

Biden should pardon Cruz’s dad for being the Zodiac

submitted 155 days ago • 0 comments

You pardon your son if for no other reason than he’s your son.

submitted 161 days ago • 0 comments

forcing my conservative parents to celebrate latinxmas this year

submitted 155 days ago • 1 comment

lose control over my bowels

submitted 157 days ago • 0 comments

Pecorino Romano is what Ray Romano calls his pecker

I hate when people don’t treat their housekeepers like family. We’ve had the same topless maid since my kid was born. She’s like a second topless mother to my son.

Keep my bald wife’s name out your bald wife’s mouth!

I went to the 2024 National Horseplayers Championship to get some footage for a sizzle reel on the wonderful world of horse race gambling. I ended up with a 30-minute documentary that comes out next week. Give it a watch, share it around, and help me sell a TV show. Giddyup! youtu.be/Yf5fmBrIYhE

Canceling Amazon Prime the second I finish Reacher season three

Every time I take a Waymo I leave a really good tip but now I’m worried about who’s actually getting the money.

Had a dream where Bruce Springsteen and RFK jr were one in the same. I think because of the way they both stand and wear blue jeans?

I've lived in LA my whole life and the experience of these fires is the closest thing to the Northridge Earthquake that I can think of. Eerie, devastating, depressing.

This is like The Talented Mr. Ripley but gay

Excited to introduce my nicotine-infused wine brand Zynfandel

Awesome to be an I told you so guy on stuff that can’t be proven one way or the other

Dyin Fein2tein

Checking my crypto losses in-between Arnold press sets at the gym and reminding myself that even though I can’t afford rent I can always shower at Fitness 19

2024 just has to twist the knife a little harder before it's done

hold tight i'll shortly be launching my Luigi Mangione memecoin

When I worked on Tosh.0 I got shitfaced at the company retreat and the head writer had to turn my body in the direction of my hotel so I could make it home. Got re-hired for the following season.

oh fuck oh fuck they just made me the new CEO of United Health

guys no more bingo card talk in 2025. you’ve got a month then that’s it

Biden should pardon Cruz’s dad for being the Zodiac

You pardon your son if for no other reason than he’s your son.

forcing my conservative parents to celebrate latinxmas this year

lose control over my bowels

since Paul Rust isn’t on here yet I’ll post his all-timer Thanksgiving tweet for him

and why are we asking josh gad for his opinion on this subject?

i'm in my SlopEra bitch

i've been eating ozempic for like 3 months now and it hasn't done shit

on bluesky it’s illegal to have a profile picture with those laser eyes

You pardon your son if for no other reason than he’s your son.