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monotoes.bsky.social
Just here for the distraction. linktr.ee/monotoes
258 posts 181 followers 216 following
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Posts 45 Comments 2

I grew up sitting through 3-5 minutes of commercials to get through a half hour TV show. You're out of your mind if you think I'm paying money to avoid 30 second ads I can skip.

submitted 19 hours ago • 0 comments

My brand of humor is best described as "So dumb you laughed anyway"

submitted 19 hours ago • 0 comments

fuck you, anxiety can’t wake me up at 3:30am if I go to sleep at 3:30am

submitted 23 hours ago • 10 comments

It was the worst of times, it was the holy smokes how much worse are things gonna get of times.

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

VOICEOVER: They went chasing waterfalls *drip* "Mom do you hear that?" VOICEOVER: They didn't know *rushing water* VOICEOVER: They could chase back "Mom, did you- oh no" VOICEOVER: "Waterfalls." Coming Halloween 2025 whisper: ... stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to...

submitted 1 day ago • 7 comments

Living for myself has been the most terrifying and liberating thing I've ever done. I have no clue where I'm going, but I know I can't stop moving.

submitted 21 hours ago • 0 comments

submitted 1 day ago • 6 comments

I guess these missions aren't really impossible since Tom Cruise keeps completing them...

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

Gonna change my name to Flyleaf because holy fuck I'm so sick

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

[threatening a baby] here comes the airplane

submitted 4 days ago • 136 comments

All microwaves are not created equal

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

The worst part of being sick living alone is there's nobody to make you food when you don't want to get out of bed.

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

Attention actors: this is what a dramatic death scene looks like.

submitted 5 days ago • 4 comments

I am not down with this sickness.

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

Daydreaming about an island in the sun

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

Got the man cold so pay your respects before it's too late

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

My cat just stepped on the remote and turned the TV sound off. I guess you could say he mewted it.

submitted 7 days ago • 279 comments

Why are sad, sad songs such good, good music?

submitted 8 days ago • 32 comments

If you ask me if I'm ok, I'm always going to say yes. If I'm to the point of being visibly distraught that it's noticeable then I'm well past being able to talk about it easily. My therapist loves me.

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

i’ve been eating shredded cheese but i still look pretty fat

submitted 10 days ago • 36 comments

*smashes face on keyboard* *hits send*

submitted 10 days ago • 6 comments

No amount of coffee can fix your existential dread. But it can make you laugh about it more.

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

I used to mix metaphors but that ship has flown.

submitted 10 days ago • 52 comments

despite everything, the world is beautiful

submitted 11 days ago • 109 comments

Guess I'm making breakfast at 3 AM

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

I heard someone invented a sandal for 1 legged people. It was a flop!

submitted 11 days ago • 5 comments

The news are making me too sick to have pretty thoughts

submitted 12 days ago • 2 comments

Day 3421 of not remembering if I locked my front door.

submitted 12 days ago • 0 comments

*sitting in the lap of luxury* Luxury: Damn, you got fat!

submitted 12 days ago • 0 comments

Chiropractors are the professional wrestlers of the medical world.

submitted 12 days ago • 46 comments

Ate some green eggs this morning, so I guess I'm the Incredible Yolk.

submitted 15 days ago • 0 comments

jesus christ just tell us if it’s maybelline

submitted 16 days ago • 75 comments

Ugh

submitted 19 days ago • 0 comments

fuck man I am not ok

submitted 20 days ago • 9 comments

I love when my friends that are in vested committee relationships tell me they 'couldn't imagine being single in this day and age'. It gives me so much *hope *nausea, heartburn, indigestion

submitted 22 days ago • 0 comments

February is here and I still sound it out like Febuary.

submitted 22 days ago • 3 comments

What fresh hell is this? I prefer my hell dry aged for 30 days.

submitted 22 days ago • 13 comments

Let's fuck until our bodies burst. We can call it Spontaneous Cumbustion.

submitted 22 days ago • 0 comments

i really thought my middle ages would include more jousting

submitted 22 days ago • 47 comments

My “faith” in humanity has been downgraded to “are you freaking kidding me”

submitted 23 days ago • 23 comments

I don't have kids because then I'd have to start caring about the world

submitted 24 days ago • 0 comments

i'm tired of being told to stop doomscrolling. i'm just scrolling, it's not my fault there's doom on there

submitted 24 days ago • 269 comments

When she's pissed off but also horny

submitted 24 days ago • 0 comments

I've come to the point where I can get through all five stages of grief by the time I get to work.

submitted 25 days ago • 13 comments

I'm 34 years old and I still can't crack eggs without getting bits of shell mixed in.

submitted 24 days ago • 0 comments