Profile avatar
morganducks.bsky.social
Former sports writer, now designer and coder, lover of animals, only have 1 team #goducks. Amateur wiseguy, so I probably have a witty comeback. Divorced and more than a little battered by the last 3 years. Will try to stay positive.
491 posts 662 followers 701 following
Regular Contributor
Active Commenter
Posts 27 Comments 20

Ok. If you charge for a streaming service, you do not get to run ads. These are two different revenue models and they conflict with user experiences. Pissing people off and burning brand goodwill. Thank you for coming to my TedTalk.

submitted 2 days ago • 7 comments

Cowering on the floor under a McDonald's booth as Grimace sings 'Take Me Home, Country Roads' in a surprisingly fine tenor as he's wiping blood, hair, and gore off a machete

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

“Nancy, can I see you in my office?”

submitted 2 days ago • 16 comments

perception is a funny thing like for instance you might see the dress as blue whereas I pierce the veil of illusion and see that there is no dress at all only void

submitted 2 days ago • 5 comments

[Job Interview] Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: Chief Executive Director of Burrito Operations. Interviewer: Uh... we're not a food company. Me [leans back, puts feet on the desk, pulls out a burrito and lights it like a cigar]: Yet.

submitted 2 days ago • 4 comments

Elmer Fudd recieves a big smooch from a sexy lady. Watching her walk away, he recognizes in her silohuette the shape of Bugs— his enemy, his quarry. He shoulders his blunderbuss, aims. He remembers the taste of his lips. Somehow, he’s always known. He drops his gun and falls to his knees. He weeps.

submitted 2 days ago • 16 comments

"That's not what your mother said in my bed last night!" is a great comeback if you have teenage kids. They will shut up for days. Probably need therapy after.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

Reverse cowgirl and doggy are the same position in the void of outer space.

submitted 3 days ago • 2 comments

she's a 10 but she pronounces it data

submitted 5 days ago • 2 comments

Mind if I crash here, tonight? - US airplanes

submitted 4 days ago • 14 comments

Elon Musk but without the nice parts. www.youtube.com/watch?v=rShi...

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

“You gotta get me out of here, man.” “Relax, Monty, I’m working on it.” “You talk to my lawyer?” “Yeah, the cops don’t have shit.” “Okay, good. How’s Theresa?” “Fine, her mom’s staying with her.” “Thanks for all this, Frankie.” “Hey, that’s what cousins are for.”

submitted 4 days ago • 11 comments

Sung to Linger by The Cranberries: You know I'm such a fool for you I knuckle deep in your sphincter-er-er-er Now you have to ... Now you have to ... Now you have to smell my finger

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

I’m so lonely I enrolled in a handwriting course just to meet illegible bachelors.

submitted 6 days ago • 81 comments

IRS: YOU HAVE TO PAY YOUR TAXES. IT’S THE LAW Me: [filing a McDonald’s napkin written in crayon] he who saves his country does not violate any law

submitted 6 days ago • 4 comments

The problem with bear proof trash cans is that there is a significant overlap of intelligence between the smartest bears and the dumbest people

submitted 7 days ago • 3 comments

Starting to think the government is going to kill me before I get the chance to post "Don't piss on his grave. He'll like it."

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

“O wise one, I have traveled for many months, crossed wide oceans, traversed vast deserts, and climbed the highest mountains in hopes you would share your great wisdom with me.” “Have you brought the traditional offering of snacks, my child?” “Of course.” “Then let us begin.”

submitted 9 days ago • 11 comments

Me: Wanna come back to my place? Her: Erm, I shouldn’t, it’s only our second date. Me: I have a race car bed? Her: Can I make vroom vroom noises? Me: I’d be disappointed if you didn’t, babe.

submitted 9 days ago • 9 comments

Posted about how I can't eat wheat due to Celiac & got replies like "Did you just GIVE UP? And quit eating wheat?" Like, yea? I started avoiding bees when I found out I had a bee allergy. I don't approach bears randomly either. That's how I'm still alive. By avoiding things that are dangerous to me.

submitted 10 days ago • 217 comments

“Alas, I am surrounded. You must fight on, gentlemen, I fear that it is too late for me. Now come and get me you savages, we shall travel to Hell together!”

submitted 10 days ago • 16 comments

Cause you know, the military is short on overpriced, doorstop-shaped, rolling death traps. Because if there’s one thing the troops need, it’s a vehicle that shatters its own windows and stalls in the rain. www.rollingstone.com/politics/pol...

submitted 9 days ago • 70 comments

I bet there's a moment where having a chestburster erupt from your chest feels really good

submitted 9 days ago • 9 comments

Unpopular opinion: I couldn’t care less about Valentine’s Day. Love isn’t about grand gestures on a specific date—it’s about consistency, effort, and showing up every day.

submitted 10 days ago • 22 comments

We're just going to let the market sort out these plane crashes

submitted 12 days ago • 8 comments

There’s really no punk rock way to let people know that your legs are sore from simply continuing to be alive.

submitted 10 days ago • 20 comments

Can we start another debate about the Oxford comma ffs.

submitted 11 days ago • 2 comments