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mttjrdn.bsky.social
Short, yapping clown
428 posts 381 followers 225 following
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Long way to go still but

Would this be a good moment to talk about Scottish country dancing?

Don’t tell anyone but I’ve started buying the cheapest own brand ketchup and decanting it into an old Heinz bottle to be cost effective while taking advantage of their superior nozzle

Better in Time by Leona Lewis has come on at the gym and whoever is in charge of the music needs a raise

I keep catching glimpses of a kingfisher on my walk to the gym and it’s now my life’s mission to snap a photo of it (I have zero confidence I can pull this off)

Nice to see that Allen’s brother is also in construction

When you think about it, dreaming was the original VR

Oh to have the audacity of the older gay who shouted "I do" when Patti LuPone asked "does anyone still wear a hat?" in The Ladies who Lunch

I just saw Patti LuPone yodel along to I Want To Be a Cowboy’s Sweetheart and I don’t think I’ll ever recover

I may not have a special someone this Valentine’s Day, but I have just gone all in at the Pizza Hut buffet, with unlimited salad, pizza, pasta, drinks, and ice cream and that’s basically the same thing

Just called my Dad to see how he’s doing after going to a funeral and he came out with this: “It wasn’t a religious service, so they didn’t have a vicar, they had a surrogate. And I’m old-fashioned, I like a vicar… or a lady vicar, but they had a celibate instead.” Celebrant. He meant celebrant.

Arson

Whatever happened to Moo Deng?

I have a new recurring bit. Whenever I have a long phone call with a friend and my housemate asks who I was talking to after we’ve hung up, I’ll say “wrong number” and it’s definitely very funny every time

Due to my commitment to academic rigour, I will only be going on double-blind dates from now on

there is so much joy to be had in having friends that share your niche interests

Mybirthday’sinJuneandtherearen’tanypantomimesinJune

D’you know where’s nice? The post office. You always get a good chat with the person at the counter in the post office.

What do you think this year’s word of the year will be Duck Guy?

They should allow you to use smiley and side profile photos for official ID documents tbh

Having to get new passport photos and being confronted with the fact you no longer look 19 is quite hateful, actually