muffyperot.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

The hell with #waymo , #SpeedBuggy is the only autonomous car I'll get into.

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

After a lengthy meeting with the finance department, we have determined we will just be taking your money and not providing any goods or services in return. Onward to profitablity! Enjoy, Consumers!

submitted 23 days ago • 0 comments

Does Pete Hegseth have to blow into a tube to start up the Pentagon?

submitted 25 days ago • 0 comments

I once had a ingrown brain.

submitted 29 days ago • 0 comments

Blind Boxes are Precious Moments figurines, but for young people.

submitted 41 days ago • 0 comments

Suddenly the government doesn't want you to have #floride . What is the government hiding and why are they trying to suppress this cheap and effective treatment? #bigpharma

submitted 46 days ago • 0 comments

Who was elected #antipope ? youtu.be/FxxhAS16vB0?...

submitted 52 days ago • 0 comments

"Looking at your 401K is woke" #trumpslump

submitted 59 days ago • 0 comments

Senator Grassley (R-IA) then proceeded to put an onion on his belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have any white onions, because of the #trumptarrifs . The only ones he could get were the big yellow ones.

submitted 73 days ago • 0 comments

I run a Pub Trivia night for morons. Questions include: "Name a TV show." "Write down a number." "Did you see a movie recently?" "True/False - Football is played with a football." Please give me more ideas for questions!

submitted 73 days ago • 1 comment

Back in my day, the #MBE was a rather challenging examination. These new grads are gonna have it easy as there seem to be no wrong answers in the current field of practice.

submitted 75 days ago • 0 comments

My #D&D character is a #SoverignCitizen who's bullshit actually works.

submitted 78 days ago • 0 comments

In the airport watching the financial news like...

submitted 86 days ago • 1 comment

I sure didn't have "crash the market with a excel printout" on my Trump administration bingo card.

submitted 87 days ago • 0 comments

I buy my makeup at office depot.

submitted 88 days ago • 0 comments

Anyone else thinking of John Inman everytime Humphrey's Executor is mentioned in the news? #areyoubeingserved

submitted 102 days ago • 0 comments

I recently had brunch with the King of Hell. He's just as bewildered as I am regarding current events. I picked up the tab. It was the least I could I do.

submitted 103 days ago • 0 comments

Integrity in politics is like a mostly empty ketchup bottle that someone has been adding water to and shaking up since 1968.

submitted 107 days ago • 0 comments

I didn’t know Jack Daniels made whine

submitted 115 days ago • 13 comments

As Russia’s war in Ukraine enters its fourth year, and Trump mulls cutting military aid entirely, here are some ways to help Ukraine and stand with Ukrainians.

submitted 118 days ago • 19 comments

In retrospect, the Harris campaign should have just promised (and not delivered on) replacing the milk in the school cafeteria with a Coca-Cola machine. Worked for me when I ran for president in the 11th grade.

submitted 118 days ago • 0 comments

Why does the trolly problem never involve a guy with a waxed moustache and top-hat/cape?

submitted 119 days ago • 0 comments

Is the "White Zone" still for loading and unloading or has President Musk declared that to be "DEI Woke Garbage"?

submitted 122 days ago • 0 comments

I executive ordered myself a chocolate milk.

submitted 136 days ago • 0 comments

My ex-husband Charlie was a swinger. He used to just sit on that porch swing for hours. Swinging gave him something to do while I was out on dates with many of the popular and attractive male underwear models from the JC Penny catalogue.

submitted 150 days ago • 0 comments

New Square Feature Allows Customers To Tip With Bible Quote theonion.com/new-squ...

submitted 154 days ago • 88 comments

Consumers! The H.Muffy Perot archives are now available on bsky! If you like AI slop, you will surely enjoy my original-recipe slop.

submitted 155 days ago • 0 comments

That mouthy flytrap from space was all like "Feed me, Muffy!". Not today, Satan. After reading Leviticus 17:10 to the plant, I proceeded to douse the plant in enough weed killer to turn my garden into a superfund site.

submitted 171 days ago • 0 comments

New years day is a great day to go to the gym to meet non-committal people for a hookup.

submitted 179 days ago • 0 comments

Everybody has that one Aunt that puts canned tuna in something you'd otherwise enjoy. I am that Aunt.

submitted 185 days ago • 0 comments

I have a poly-date with Krampus and Zwarte Piet tonight.

submitted 186 days ago • 0 comments

If news-papers were edible, we'd still have traditional media.

submitted 193 days ago • 0 comments

More food should come in a can. Could you imagine a tall can of Twizzlers and the only thing keeping you from eating them is finding the can-opener?

submitted 218 days ago • 0 comments

I don't know what it is that I'm selling here, but you're gonna buy it! Enjoy, Consumers!

submitted 219 days ago • 0 comments

Restaurant Review: Kentucky Fried Chicken Chicken not always fried in Kentucky. Main ingredient: salt. Would not sell me a 32oz cup of gravy. Rather fetching proprietor. 10/10 #KFC

submitted 889 days ago • 0 comments

Movie review: "Forrest Gump" Few scenes in the forest. Shrimp Cocktails. Candy at the bus stop with strangers. Vietnam. Sally Field somehow not in a black Trans-Am. Stopped watching when "Bandit" never showed up. 7/10

submitted 889 days ago • 0 comments

A Confession: To my many paramores, I was not playing hard to get at first. Rather, I was just interested in things that were not you. To my ex-husband Charlie, you were not a thing of interest. But you made a damn fine tuna melt. To everyone: It was the tuna melt.

submitted 892 days ago • 0 comments

Money Saving Tip: If confronted by irate service personnel for a large bill you cannot cover, ask for an itemized receipt to buy some time in order to execute a effective 23-skidoo. Enjoy Consumers!

submitted 892 days ago • 1 comment

Someone in a cheap suit said I needed to make a statement for the MuffCo earnings call. Fine. Statement is as follows: "If the company goes under, I'll just switch to religion and start making some real fu****g money." Enjoy, consumer!

submitted 898 days ago • 0 comments

A Movie Review: "The Bad Seed" 1956 Very few seeds in the picture, good or bad. Charming little girl. Obtuse parents. Handyman always knows the real deal. Penmanship is important. #thebadseed #movies #MovieReviews

submitted 901 days ago • 0 comments

"To cut costs, Twitter has not paid rent for its San Francisco headquarters or any of its global offices for weeks, three people close to the company said." - NYT Wait till they figure out you can get free food by just picking up random to-go orders at restaurants.

submitted 928 days ago • 0 comments

I just got off the phone with Candidate Walker. He mentioned that he "Won 17 Superbowls in 12 seasons in the NFL" then proceeded to ask if he "was on the red or blue team." #GArunoff

submitted 935 days ago • 0 comments

Idea for #dollywood Ball pit with brownish-red balls. The attraction would be called "Pot-o-Beans". Some foam rubber pieces can be added to simulate ham-hock.

submitted 939 days ago • 0 comments

Overheard in a mutant bar on Mars: "Is it normal for one tit to hang lower than the other two?". Also, I hate Mars, parking is shit.

submitted 946 days ago • 0 comments

PSA: Please use condom when #dickriding . x.com/mattwensing/st…

submitted 950 days ago • 0 comments

If Twitter dies tonight, I will be reaching out to you all by chain-letter.

submitted 954 days ago • 0 comments

Many people are saying I won re-election because I was doing what the voters wanted me to do.

submitted 959 days ago • 0 comments