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murdox.bsky.social
Genuine human person My Feed: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:2bohbdbqodkdvxc5zddguyf7/feed/aaafdo7gqbsje
202 posts 229 followers 375 following
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Posts 14 Comments 34

Wife: *walks into kitchen at 5am* Me: *stuffing frozen turkey with explosives*

submitted 90 days ago • 0 comments

posting "Listen up, shitewhistles. Here's how you cook a Thanksgiving turkey without all the fuckery. Affix thy seatbelts and prepare for amazeballs." after cooking a thanksgiving turkey for the first time in my life that frankly was not very good

submitted 91 days ago • 140 comments

Four out of five dentists: *agree* Fifth dentist: You should brush your teeth with a lollipop

submitted 91 days ago • 23 comments

pouring the blue gatorade in the toilet bowl so my guests know I cleaned

submitted 91 days ago • 63 comments

Me: I don’t know why I’m so anxious all the time. Also Me: Flight takes off in 4 hours and I still haven’t packed.

submitted 91 days ago • 0 comments

This is my most successful post. I clearly don’t understand how this website works.

submitted 91 days ago • 1 comment

Incoming president builds his own monument

submitted 92 days ago • 0 comments

I kept hearing my cat chewing last night under the bed and finally I checked it out and he had been eating an entire box of Cheez It’s

submitted 92 days ago • 698 comments

[being murdered] murderer: *murdering* me: fyi this is illegal murderer: (stops murdering) hang on WHAT

submitted 92 days ago • 5 comments

Random person (trying to get my attention): *waves* Hey! Me (wearing headphones with nothing playing): *points to ears, shrugs, and keeps walking*

submitted 92 days ago • 0 comments

I eat the silica gel packs first so they don’t get in the way of my snacking.

submitted 92 days ago • 1 comment

Since I’m a small account, my followers get more personal attention. Hungry? I’ll make you a nice sandwich. Need to borrow a dollar? Here, take a fiver! Having trouble reaching that spot in the shower? Let me give you a hand.

submitted 92 days ago • 0 comments

It’s wild how there’s more misinformation now than ever before. Back before the internet, someone would just say something, and everyone believed them. Saw the Loch Ness monster? Holy shit, incredible! Smoking cigs boosts your sperm count? Light me up!

submitted 92 days ago • 0 comments

Don’t forget to leave corn out for the holiday turkey the night before Thanksgiving, or it won’t leave any giblets under your tree.

submitted 92 days ago • 0 comments