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muyrando.bsky.social
This is a joke account. https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:iuhhxvswn7mk2zvgokarrofi/lists/3lbdsmcyrhl2h
960 posts 2,351 followers 485 following
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Posts 48 Comments 2

I'm unflappable. Go ahead, try to flap me, I fucken dare you.

submitted 1 hour ago • 0 comments

Help me get to 1k before Sunday night and I'll do a shoulder reveal.

submitted 5 hours ago • 3 comments

A hug so tight my head pops off would fix me.

submitted 7 hours ago • 6 comments

*1st day of wardrobe fitting for the movie Labyrinth* Costume designer: Alright, Mr. Bowie, let's just OH DEAR GOD!

submitted 4 hours ago • 1 comment

It's every fucken day with you people.

submitted 5 hours ago • 0 comments

It used to be the worst thing about driving in slow moving traffic was potentially being late, but now it's having the smell the ungodly amount of weed the people in the car in front of you must be smoking.

submitted 7 hours ago • 2 comments

Your dreams are pathetic. My dream to become a 600-lb fatty whose hot assistant washes between my folds with a wet soapy rag on a stick is so much better.

submitted 18 hours ago • 1 comment

Calling this next chapter of my life: Ethical Idiocy

submitted 19 hours ago • 2 comments

Should I be concerned that I get an awful lot of thoughts and prayers for someone who isn't asking?

submitted 18 hours ago • 2 comments

Mind, body, and soul all deteriorating in perfect harmony.

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

There are simply too many real housewives from places.

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

The downside of not being very talkative is that people tend to think that you’re a listener.

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

Social media is fun because you basically just talk to yourself and sometimes a stranger replies to yell at you about why you’re wrong

submitted 1 day ago • 197 comments

After being single for most of my adult life and not really having any friends, I think I finally figured out what my problem is...It's everyone else.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

They're building a new gas station on an intersection that already has two other gas stations and Taco Bell, that's four gas stations!

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

Calm the fuck down, KFC.

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

There’s an oil stain on my driveway shaped like a heart. Beauty is everywhere

submitted 1 day ago • 13 comments

Have you ever been so tired that you're just lying there and then you lose consciousness?

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

Drugs, give 'em a shot.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

She’s a 10 but she seems to really like me.

submitted 6 days ago • 2 comments

Feel like I might be the best at birdwatching. I see those mfs all the time.

submitted 3 days ago • 15 comments

my memories are metastasizing

submitted 2 days ago • 3 comments

Remember, if anyone ever shows any interest in you, make sure to make them feel like a complete fucking moron.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

"be the biggest person" do you know how much time I spend overthinking everything I do in order to not upset people the way they upset me

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

I just realized Elon is doing the underpants gnomes thing. Phase 1: Fire everybody. Phase 2: ??? Phase 3: Profit!

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

I am willing to die for my beliefs, or for like, a really good burrito...or pretty much anything really. Let's just get this over with.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

Industries can be trusted to self-regulate. For years Frito-Lay has been warning anyone who will listen that Cheetos are "dangerously cheesy."

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

I love it when my pet sighs. Like what ails you my little unemployed freeloader.

submitted 2 days ago • 8 comments

I sincerely love bad posture in a woman, come slouch next to me, baby girl. 😘

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

I used to live in New Mexico and I made some Native friends and I would joke with them that we should open a strip club right outside tribal land and call it "Rez-erections."

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

Hey girl, are you tomorrow? Because I'm not looking forward to seeing you at all.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

You don't hear me complaining (unless you turn on text-to-speech).

submitted 3 days ago • 1 comment

Gonna meal prep for tomorrow. *spells out "TUESDAY" in ranch dressing on 5 slices of pizza*

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

I'll bite, what's a "Europe?"

submitted 3 days ago • 1 comment

You can't wear out your welcome if nobody wanted you around in the first place. 😎

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Sucks to be all of us, bro.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Gonna meal prep for tomorrow. *spells out "TUESDAY" in ranch dressing on 5 slices of pizza*

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

What does not-depression feel like?

submitted 3 days ago • 1 comment

I'm just kidding, no one will be concerned.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

can’t believe i’m ruining my eyesight for this shit

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

How long should I let my dishes soak? Like, 5 or ten minutes or until a concerned neighbor finds my decomposing corpse?

submitted 3 days ago • 1 comment

Was there like a career day or freshman orientation option I missed to get into necromancy? Feels like a steady employment market.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

I do this cute thing where I don't want to be alive and I regret ever being born.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Counter intuitive? Buddy, I'm against all kinds of rationality.

submitted 3 days ago • 1 comment

Crime rate? Buddy, I give it a 10 out of 10, it's cool as hell.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

This is bullshit.

submitted 4 days ago • 4 comments

You had me at adios.

submitted 4 days ago • 2 comments

i know i was going a bit fast officer, but maybe we could just forget this ever happened *extends the remainder of my chili dog*

submitted 4 days ago • 2 comments