Profile avatar
napping.bsky.social
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:llhdag2velhktv5okvb7otyp/feed/aaaihlgafcphg Just regular
808 posts 3,919 followers 1,125 following
Prolific Poster
Posts 45 Comments 4

The olives stay on - one on each fingertip - during sex.

submitted 51 days ago • 3 comments

I’d sell my Chuck Taylors on Poshmark if I could figure out how to get them down off the telephone wire.

submitted 32 days ago • 4 comments

asking yourself where the exits are, and is there a way to just not accept the dance in the first place

submitted 4 days ago • 1 comment

A nationwide garden tool lending service. Call it Hoes in Different Area Codes.

submitted 4 days ago • 1 comment

[invasion] *aircrafts dropping from the sky *explosions everywhere *mass hysteria Me scrolling phone: Where was that alien invader gif?

submitted 4 days ago • 1 comment

Hahaha it's cute that we've reached the age of four hours of sleep interrupted with pee breaks is considered a good night

submitted 4 days ago • 10 comments

I took tomorrow off to wash underpants and by golly I am going to wash so many underpants.

submitted 4 days ago • 9 comments

Always be kind, you never know who might have air conditioning.

submitted 3 days ago • 11 comments

Gentle reminder that occasionally it’s beneficial to put down your phone, go outside, and judge and criticize people in person.

submitted 3 days ago • 23 comments

just once just one day it would be nice to wake up and be a butterfly

submitted 4 days ago • 8 comments

I've been lifting heavy bags of topsoil for weeks, I feel I'm finally ready to be a pallbearer

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Bluesky rehab is gonna be so fucking cool

submitted 25 days ago • 3 comments

Do you ever worry that your dead relatives can see you when you masturbate?

submitted 3 days ago • 55 comments

My preferred pronouns are your majesty

submitted 44 days ago • 8 comments

I remember when it was still thrilling to chat to strangers. Lol.

submitted 39 days ago • 0 comments

I wish I could make it but I scheduled a nap.

submitted 40 days ago • 2 comments

The cashier said “Happy Father’s Day” and I replied “You too”, then she handed me my bag.

submitted 8 days ago • 6 comments

Live on the edge. There’s a better chance of falling to your death

submitted 25 days ago • 1 comment

Weaving down the street thinking I'm in mariokart but then I find out I'm the ball in pong

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

The older I get, the closer I am to walking out to the mailbox in my nightgown.

submitted 15 days ago • 18 comments

The first thing I do when I wake up in the morning is fix myself a hot cup of sausage gravy.

submitted 19 days ago • 9 comments

I don’t celebrate my birthday anymore. I survive them, like a yearly hostage situation where cake is the ransom.

submitted 23 days ago • 1 comment

I’ve keyed your car. Please respond.

submitted 37 days ago • 13 comments

*on my deathbed Me: One thing I want you to do for me... Wife: Name it. Me: I want you to marry Larry. Wife: (pause)Are you sure? I thought you hated Larry? Me: I do.

submitted 154 days ago • 15 comments

Going to start posting fitness maps of my jaunts to and fro the refrigerator.

submitted 28 days ago • 6 comments

Much like Usain Bolt, I too have finished in under 10 seconds

submitted 7 days ago • 1 comment

The word ‘shrimp’ could mean 1 or 20,000 and that’s why I have trust issues

submitted 7 days ago • 1 comment

If you need a knife for your salad, I’m going to assume you are defending it.

submitted 9 days ago • 1 comment

STOP CLEANSING THE TIMELINE YOULL WASH AWAY ALL THE DONG SEEDS THAT HAVE BEEN PLANTED

submitted 9 days ago • 11 comments

The real tragedy is that no one even talks about how we fished mermaids into extinction

submitted 9 days ago • 7 comments

I’ve reached the delete everything I write here stage may delete

submitted 26 days ago • 0 comments

You have kindness in your eyes. Maybe try the next world, third door down the hall on your left.

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

I skeet like a lady. A crazy lady.

submitted 8 days ago • 1 comment

The best friendships start with "you look nothing like your picture"

submitted 12 days ago • 1 comment

omg babe, are you STILL mad about my secret family?!

submitted 349 days ago • 2 comments

Only nudists can truly finish the laundry.

submitted 343 days ago • 4 comments

WAIT am i dishwasher safe

submitted 8 days ago • 22 comments

Sad trombone noises for when you hear a recording of your own voice.

submitted 8 days ago • 3 comments

I'd say I'm more of a red hot silly pepper

submitted 57 days ago • 2 comments

How long after a tonsillectomy is it safe to give a blowjob? ~ asking for my wife (tonsils removed, August 2013)

submitted 97 days ago • 25 comments

my mother just hung up the phone to go yell at a woodchuck

submitted 7 days ago • 38 comments

Whoever came up with cockamamie should be in charge of making up all the words

submitted 7 days ago • 29 comments

my father does not walk amongst us any more but you have known and loved him through this heart this smile these eyes and by the foot-falls of my words and he is happy.. yes,he is happy #brokenpoet

submitted 7 days ago • 13 comments

Goin to the dad store to find my kids a new dad anybody need anything

submitted 7 days ago • 5 comments

Shhhh it’s the 7th day Goddess is resting

submitted 57 days ago • 0 comments