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ndmckeown.bsky.social
Scottish DevOps engineer who can hold a conversation, knit, and salsa dance! Apparently looks like two other men with beards.
21 posts 63 followers 206 following
Regular Contributor
Posts 16 Comments 8

Me: *Looking at my feed right now* So...football and such? Am I right?

submitted 22 days ago • 0 comments

One of my silly friends reckons I should buy a thesaurus. What a silly idea! Why would I want a silly thesaurus?

submitted 22 days ago • 1 comment

If Lucifer ever asks you to help him pickle cucumbers, just say no! You should never make a dill with the devil.

submitted 22 days ago • 0 comments

As I’ve said before, if you’re only interested in taking down trans people, you’re not a champion of women’s rights, you’re a bigoted piece of shit.

submitted 23 days ago • 5 comments

Personally I like to keep my friends closer than my enemies. Human shields and all that...

submitted 23 days ago • 0 comments

If there's a fire at a spa, staff are instructed to leave calmly via the fire exits and leave all non-essential oils.

submitted 23 days ago • 0 comments

Who called it camping and not "loitering within tent"?

submitted 33 days ago • 0 comments

Do you think this place is secretly vegan?

submitted 36 days ago • 0 comments

*parachutes to roof* *abseils to balcony* *picks door lock* *inserts USB drive* *starts computer* "Windows is installing update 1 of 43..."

submitted 471 days ago • 0 comments

One of the highlights of my weekends is when my boy comes through to our room early and wakes me up so we can watch cartoons together before my wife gets up. I'll be sad when he grows out of it. The long lies will be nice though...

submitted 36 days ago • 0 comments

Alas, poor shed. We hardly knew ye.

submitted 37 days ago • 1 comment

I keep thinking that I'm not funny anymore. That I can never think of new jokes. It's not strictly true though. I'm constantly making jokes for my son whenever he says something Can I remember them when I come on social media? If you'll pardon my French, can I fuck.

submitted 38 days ago • 0 comments

No, YOU'RE about to make an "any Port in a storm" joke!

submitted 38 days ago • 0 comments

I dropped a submachine gun in a bowl of custard. It's a little oozy.

submitted 38 days ago • 0 comments

The secret ingredient A.G Bar don't want you to know about!

submitted 39 days ago • 1 comment

I have a friend with a horse fetish. I'm going to see him in a bit.

submitted 39 days ago • 0 comments