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nordstrom.bsky.social
dog lover but not in a weird way
704 posts 68 followers 54 following
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Posts 28 Comments 22

bethesda if you’re not going to do it, let me make and distribute skooma

submitted 3 hours ago • 1 comment

new details have emerged

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

level 99 magikarp

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

the worst part about your phone dying is having to buy a new one

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

flipping the switch on michael

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

don't bring a knife to a gun fight. but also, don't bring a gun to a knife fight. it's bad etiquette. don't bring anything but the sanctioned materials is the best policy when it comes to a fight.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

i am no longer reachable by email, it will not find me well or dead or anything in between

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

chaotic evil: casually putting the word 'urgent' in email subject lines

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

jesus was an x-men. turned his blood into wine like a freak of nature. ive got some of it here, pretty sure it's a malbec. tastes like the argentinian variety.

submitted 100 days ago • 0 comments

when it's time to trim my pubes i like to call in the bush administration

submitted 5 days ago • 1 comment

cherish me

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

watch me eat this bucket of slop in 4k. hot damn brother I'm downing this gruel in HD look at me go

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

in the aftermath, we were no longer divided. but we could no longer be fruitful and multiply. nothing was making sense anymore, it wasn't adding up. anyway sorry for this tangent.

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

getting into the business of selling gizmos and gadgets. may i interest you in one of my many coping mechanisms? or perhaps a literary device might tickle your fancy?

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

our grandpa got creamated. churned him into a thick butter

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

waiting for my make-up to arrive

submitted 10 days ago • 2 comments

it was like the railroad company unveiled a steam-powered machine they said could suck more dicks per day than any worker… and i was the gay John Henry

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

a dick sized asteroid just crashed into my butthole. nasa tried to warn me there was a 1.5% chance of this happening, but I didn't listen

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

playing the anthem of war all over your skeleton like it's a xylophone

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

capital one: what's in your wallet? me: uh, credit card? capital one: wrong. you want me to tell you what's in your wallet? lol, well I'll tell you: there's a photo of a woman in a big red hat. you must find her. she has the antidote. you've been poisoned, nordstrom. you have one hour to live.

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

my friend: how high are you? me: hi... how are you?

submitted 171 days ago • 0 comments

presentation due tomorrow? try one of these tricks we used to use as kids thumb drive no worky saved in wrong format, oops untitled1.ppt wrong file oops this is my review of a bugs life one slide?? it must not have saved 9,000 slides the computer crashes untitled2.ppt oops a bugs life again

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

if it weren't for my need to eat, drink, have shelter, and receive the loving touch of a woman, i'd probably spend the rest of my days writhing through the desert pretending to be a sand worm

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

microdosing nature by putting a pine tree air freshener in my car

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

i'm vegetarian but i wouldn't mind taking a big bite out of a billionaire when the class wars start for the thrill of it

submitted 12 days ago • 0 comments

what if we all replied the same thing back and forth forever?

submitted 12 days ago • 0 comments

your dog requested five dollars from me on venmo with a note "or i bite"

submitted 12 days ago • 0 comments

finish the frog status update: I've been hard at work the last few months on the finish the frog challenge, and I'm happy to announce I'll be done with it sometime next year

submitted 14 days ago • 0 comments