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not-celine-dion.bsky.social
Not the renowned Canadian icon. Award-winning weirdo. Caveat emptor. 33 cis m
95 posts 933 followers 395 following
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Posts 45 Comments 3

As far as I can see, I don't have any blind spots

submitted 7 days ago • 2 comments

The Macarena is pretty menacing if you do it in silence in the queue at the bank.

submitted 7 days ago • 5 comments

Science in two lines. Instinct. The inherent inclination of an organism toward a complex behaviour, as when a young child kicks a mime or a clown.

submitted 7 days ago • 2 comments

Logging in after a while like "Who are these people? They're hilarious."

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

submitted 7 days ago • 30 comments

I can be your gyro, baby

submitted 8 days ago • 2 comments

🚨UNRELEASED BABY SNOWY PLOVER VIDEO!! I didn't even know I had this! Don't scroll away, Plover A runs into Plover B. DOUBLE THE PLOVER!!! 🪶

submitted 25 days ago • 55 comments

Rereading The Hobbit as an adult casts Gandalf in a new light: an immortal who's lost touch with mortal timescales. Whenever he needs a hobbit for some adventure, he pops by the Shire to recruit that one hobbit he knows. If that guy's too old or dead, Gandalf harasses their next of kin instead

submitted 26 days ago • 20 comments

Goniurellia Tridens is one fly camouflaged as three flies! It has incredibly lifelike wing markings that look just like other flies! Should a predator attack one of the more obvious brown flies, the wing may be damaged but the fly escapes to live another day. Photo ©Peter Roosenschoon #insects

submitted 68 days ago • 3 comments

This is so freaking cool and I hope there's a special vibration for when Draymond hits someone in the nuts

submitted 25 days ago • 5 comments

All pulp no juice

submitted 25 days ago • 0 comments

After the war she developed one called ketracel purple

submitted 41 days ago • 4 comments

Jouch anyone?

submitted 44 days ago • 12 comments

Me: Can I get some Coke sandwiches Big Jo: Are these ok

submitted 45 days ago • 17 comments

sire. the flabbers. they’ve been gasted.

submitted 50 days ago • 4 comments

please tell me the temu junnel greenhouse is made of denim

submitted 50 days ago • 8 comments

in order to restore our company’s masculine dominance we have decided to pander to every male authority figure and do whatever pleases them

submitted 50 days ago • 116 comments

ME: someone cut down the big tree at the park WIFE: i saw that ME: *narrows eyes*

submitted 52 days ago • 4 comments

choose your fighter

submitted 52 days ago • 22 comments

Capitalism saved as Orphan Killers LLC announces an end to their DEI program

submitted 52 days ago • 3 comments

“We’re going to be the social network that lets you - encourages you - to say slurs”

submitted 52 days ago • 273 comments

You have to respect Mark Zuckerberg’s deep commitment to absolutely nothing.

submitted 55 days ago • 6 comments

This is my pal Chompy. Even though he is just a wee fellow, he will still attempt to bite your fingers off. Please be careful around Chompy.

submitted 61 days ago • 7 comments

We actually designed our car to be good at exploding

submitted 61 days ago • 60 comments

submitted 61 days ago • 9 comments

for every 50 likes I’ll put nicolas cage in a movie he wasn’t in.

submitted 61 days ago • 143 comments

It's pretty Sunday for a Wednesday

submitted 61 days ago • 2 comments

who up hors'ing they d'oeuvres

submitted 62 days ago • 14 comments

The anus is the window of the butt.

submitted 61 days ago • 2 comments

nosferatu II -- tu nos tu feratus

submitted 64 days ago • 4 comments

We’re actually closer to 2100 than we are to 2024 because we experience linear time

submitted 61 days ago • 29 comments

i see Baby New Year has already violently shit its diaper several times

submitted 61 days ago • 46 comments

oh cool i was worried medications were getting too cheap

submitted 61 days ago • 12 comments

Some people say they’re 420 friendly, I’d like say I’m friendly with most of the numbers.

submitted 61 days ago • 15 comments

air bud: i play basketball snoopy: please. i fought in the damn war

submitted 63 days ago • 24 comments

out for 2025: regrets, anxiety, fast fashion, complicated skincare routines in for 2025: eating dessicant pouches, becoming a mummy, cursing the land, giant wailing face in sandstorm

submitted 63 days ago • 18 comments

Is Saturn the most photogenic planet in the Solar System? Sources say yes

submitted 63 days ago • 7 comments

it kicks ass that we've fully moved on from a model of internet success based on organically developing an audience who rewards you for creating interesting or entertaining work to everyone desperately trying to cheat their way into an audience so they can then scam them with various schemes

submitted 64 days ago • 83 comments

I’m of the opinion that the pure of heart should not experience tummy aches

submitted 65 days ago • 17 comments

Make horse drink water Horse drink how Why won’t horse drink Horse at water nothing happening why

submitted 64 days ago • 13 comments

One of these days someone's gotta tell me what the fuck I'm talking about.

submitted 65 days ago • 1 comment

We have not cracked the consciousness puzzle, we've just done a little math to filter words by probability. Like, human thought isn't magical or special, but we're nowhere close to emulating it.

submitted 66 days ago • 8 comments

the camera adds 10-15 teeth. -Steve Buscemi

submitted 66 days ago • 4 comments

In the absence of a rational Republican Party, news media will invent one & doggedly defend it

submitted 67 days ago • 4 comments

i dont think he noticed

submitted 68 days ago • 0 comments