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pencils.bsky.social
I like stationery and other hobbies.
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Catch me in Leeds, prostrate on the heath, sipping that yorkus aurelius.

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

you gotta know when to brush 'em know when to bleach 'em know how often to floss to help your gums you better make an appointment about that dental work limit sugary snacks drink plenty of water

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

popeye: ye can bet yer last barrel that ur-rine is sterile, I'm popeye the sailor man! (toot toot) doctor han: I'm afraid I have to inform you that the truth is more complex, mister eye.

submitted 20 days ago • 0 comments

I need to know if I'm cooking here: "Watchmen as a prequel to Captain Planet. Captain Planet of course being Dr. Manhattan in a wig." Well, am I cooking?

submitted 60 days ago • 1 comment

preacher (delivering a sermon): The Wall of Bone is said to be an aspect of the Great Wall in Hel, where the bones of all sinners wait for Ragnarok, when Hela will call them forth for the final battle.

submitted 62 days ago • 0 comments

paul mccartney (desperately trying to get on another james bond movie soundtrack in the 90s): okay okay hear me out, "live and let "eye"" ;)

submitted 65 days ago • 0 comments

nobody: basically every victorian author: I'm going to name my novel after its protagonist. I think readers are really going to love books like that.

submitted 73 days ago • 0 comments

h-o-t t-o g-o. all shapes fit in the, square hole.

submitted 78 days ago • 0 comments

Fortune mgs2 (having received a video of kelis -- bossy): dammit I hate my boss so much.

submitted 94 days ago • 0 comments

"I'm cumming and I want you to cum because I like you and I want you to cum" --Madonna "Like a Prayer"

submitted 97 days ago • 0 comments

Happy Thanksgiving, Mr. Lawrence.

submitted 97 days ago • 0 comments

looking at the baked potato I am about to eat: I am reduced to eating... this eating the baked potato: beipideido :)

submitted 111 days ago • 0 comments

Broken Lizard George Harrison: Isn't it Slammin', Norwegian Salmon?

submitted 176 days ago • 0 comments

welcome to dungeons and dragons where the players play and we roll dice like every day we follow the trials of our heroes that we all designed during session zero

submitted 184 days ago • 0 comments

maren morris: when the bones are good, the rest don't matter yeah, the paint could peel, the glass could shatter contractor (deeply moved): she's cooking

submitted 191 days ago • 0 comments

Shadowheart: My toxic trait? I justify all my bad behaviors by calling them "Shar worship".

submitted 205 days ago • 0 comments

me (space captain): watch out for the hypno-mantises out there. my crew (oblivious, fatuous): captain, you never told us this planet was full of HOT people!

submitted 225 days ago • 0 comments

I think the airport's rotten right to the core I go down the jetway from my gate to the door. --charlixcx

submitted 225 days ago • 0 comments

Aitch oh tee tee tee oh, gee oh do not get behind Duke Togo

submitted 232 days ago • 0 comments

Lord Gortash miraculously grazed by fire bolt cantrip.

submitted 232 days ago • 1 comment

Does anyone have less rizz than Jimmy Kimmel? I doubt it.

submitted 252 days ago • 0 comments

90s music guy: If you need me I will be in my Soul Asylum, Soul Coughing.

submitted 253 days ago • 0 comments

(looking for a man in finance voice): I'm looking for a hair tie.

submitted 254 days ago • 0 comments

I have one toxic trait and it's pronouncing names of various species and genuses classically or ecclesiastically. "Funjai"?? go home, biologists.

submitted 255 days ago • 0 comments

playerunknown's county fairgrounds

submitted 255 days ago • 0 comments

tom morello's accountant: you know, some of those who file taxes, are the same who blow saxes. tom morello: tom morello's accountant: *puts his hand to the side of his head and mouths "call me"*

submitted 260 days ago • 1 comment

hunter-gatherer (pontificating): do you know how much grain it takes to engage in that level of deforestation?

submitted 278 days ago • 0 comments

enormous pretzel vendor (at excalibur hotel, las vegas): here comes another tourist with their phone.

submitted 284 days ago • 0 comments

I touched some things today to see if I could feel now my fingers really hurt what's the friggin' deal??

submitted 295 days ago • 0 comments

the pleasure is all mine *rapidly begins draining all pleasure in the universe*

submitted 320 days ago • 1 comment

dungeons and dragons (late 1980s): this game is impossibly satanic and must be stopped dungeons and dragons (2023): if you choose to fight the devil he sings a special disney villain song

submitted 486 days ago • 0 comments

she balduran my gate til I karlach wyll

submitted 499 days ago • 0 comments

[ BALDURIAN ] It's about the Zhents baby love the Zhents alright baby let's go get a home run baby love the Zhents let's go Zhents.

submitted 509 days ago • 0 comments