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philthy737.bsky.social
A retired software engineer with a published book. Hobbies include, writing, exercise, and reading. I'm an extroverted pacifist. I love my wife, famiy and dogs.
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Subway's meatball sub has close to 1,000 calories, 38 grams of fat, and 1,800mg of sodium.

submitted just now • 0 comments

Live life like everything is rigged in your favor.

submitted 6 minutes ago • 0 comments

When a girl ends a whiny tweet with "ok bye", the earth should open up and swallow them whole.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

When my name was in a math problem, the class stared at me. I'm like, "That's right, I bought 60 watermelons!"

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

Worrying is stupid. It’s like walking around with an umbrella waiting for it to rain.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable. Fran Lebowitz

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

If someone says, “Honesty is my middle name.” chances are they’re lying.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

Sometimes you have to go through a bunch of bad fish to find your Nemo.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

I came to school to develop an education. All I’ve managed to develop is an irrational fear of plagiarism.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Rappers would be unstoppable wizards in Harry Potter.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

People say “even a broken clock is right twice a day”, but being right 2 times out of 86400 is still pretty bad.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

If Ostriches could actually fly the skies would be a lot more terrifying.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

When you drink alcohol, it can be said you’re an alcoholic. When you drink fanta, no one says you’re fantastic.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

I was going to tell a joke about sodium, but Na.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

I hope that one day you will have the experience of doing something you do not understand for someone you love.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Paraskevidekatriaphobia is real!

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

A Boeing 727 aircraft was stolen out of an airport in 2003. Neither the plane, nor the two men aboard were ever found.

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

The cost of college textbooks in the US has risen faster than the cost of healthcare, house prices and inflation.

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

George Burns: It takes only 1 drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the 13th or the 14th.

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

Only 2% of the world's population has green eyes.

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

ecdysiast (ek-DIZ-ee-ast) - A person who disrobes to provide entertainment for others.

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

I'm on this great new diet where I spend my entire lunch break just crying.

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

Why didn’t Cinderella’s glass slipper disappear at midnight together with her other magical clothes?

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

All of my Tupperware containers have matching lids, so yeah, you could say I have my act together.

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

our grand kids will think you were a bad ass when you explain to them how you drove your own car.

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

“Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity” - Martin Luther King.

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

People say that stalking is an unhealthy obsession, but you can get a lot of exercise from walking and climbing trees...so I've been told.

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn't even have when you were on your own.

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

If I shout, “Heads up!” that clears me from all liability at the nearby senior center.

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

Gay victims of the Holocaust wore pink triangles on their shirts.

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

n 2009, 11 children were born in Antarctica.

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

Don't exercise your freedom of speech until you have exercised your freedom of thought.

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

The b in “subtle” is so subtle.

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

There is no I in happyness.

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

When I get dressed in the morning I ask myself one question... do I mind spilling food on this?

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

I would run in my flip flops, but I don’t want you to fall in love with me.

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

There’s nothing more obnoxious than a stupid person with confidence.

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

I've been a vegetarian for 2 hours and now I'm starting a blog. I'm also writing a book on clean eating.

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

I've saved almost $4 annually by continuing to use deodorant sticks after the edges start gouging my armpit.

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

The average human being spends a third of their lifetime sleeping and two thirds of it wishing they were still asleep.

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

Ever since the day that I learned how to read, I don’t think I’ve ever spent an entire day without reading something.

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

Gay sex is literally twice as manly as straight sex.

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

The first person to test a parachute must have been really confident in the invention.

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

You always hear, “Treat women with respect.” It isn’t gender-specific; Treat people with respect.

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

It is never too late to be what you might have been.

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss your bed and that makes you sad.

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments