prestontompkins.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

New crowd work special from Gareth Reynolds dropping on YouTube tonight, filmed at The Comedy Fort! This is the 4th special I've edited #postsky

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What chapter of Art of the Deal is getting in a screaming match with your constituent and not getting the deal you wanted signed so you leave with nothing?

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I already failed no nut capitalism day

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A top White House official has threatened to redraw the U.S.- Canadian border. President Trump said "Don't worry, we're just drawing a penis."

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FBI Director Kash Patel wants to bring the UFC to the FBI, sources say. The only thing for certain is someone is getting a UTI.

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Andrew Tate has traveled to Florida after a judge threw out his travel ban. Sales for Rogaine in the US are expected to skyrocket.

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Kid Rock and Lauren Boebert are now dating. In related news, the CDC is warning that Chlamydia is now airborne

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Texas has a measels outbreak within one week of RFK Jr becoming Secretary of HHS. Activists everywhere are stating "The only thing that can stop a bad guy with a brain worm is a good guy with a brain worm."

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The January 6th Prison Choir will be performing at the Kennedy Performing Arts Center. New episode of Finally Some Bad News out everywhere! #podcast

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Pope Francis is in critical condition. His spirts are low because he just found out John Cena only visits sick kids

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Heart Eyes, Companion, The Monkey. What a month folks

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The January 6th prison choir will be performing at the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts. They will be singing Kid Rock's greatest hits.

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Hooters announced it is preparing to declare bankruptcy. Weekend Dads will have to find a new restaurant to take their kids to on Saturdays

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At this rate, in March the government will be smaller than Trump's penis

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And AI fanboy account tried to dunk on me and when I said "ChatGPT couldn't give you anything better?" he blocked me

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Hey @aifilm.bsky.social fuck off

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A child in Kentucky shot and killed two men in self-defense after they broke into his home last weekend. Proving that Kevin McCallister was a pussy ass bitch

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What's the deal with airline food? You'd think they'd serve better stuff for your last meal!

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The founder of Nutella has passed away at the age of 97. His funeral will be open casket so everyone can dip a finger in

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KFC is moving its US headquarters from Kentucky to Texas. Get ready for the new KFC item: stand your ground double down. It's two fried chickens with a gun in the middle

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Since Trump took office there have been 87 aviation incidents in the US. Gay people don't control the weather but a gay senator from Indiana sure as shit makes planes stay in the air

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Love that Rob Schneider has to sit in the audience for SNL's 50th and 1) Not be acknowledged 2) Hearing a throwaway Trump joke get a laugh louder than any laugh he's gotten in the last 20 years

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In Ames, Iowa- a beloved water buffalo named Phil who escaped its pen last year and led police on a dayslong chase to capture him has passed away. Phil was found with a gun and a suicide note apologizing to police

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New work out on YouTube. Comedian Gareth Reynolds has dinner with a family he's never met. It's absolute chaos. #postsky

submitted 13 days ago • 1 comment

Ohio lawmakers have proposed a new law that bans men from ejaculating without the intent of conception, and would fine those $10,000 per ejaculation. Since this article published I have racked up a million dollars in debt

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I think you mean "zero gravity in"

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South Africa just announced via a poll that Elon Musk is "the worst thing to come out of South Africa." You know you're a piece of shit when people hate you more than apartheid

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Trump is getting rid of the penny because he almost got shot in the head too

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Part two of our session with these hilarious dudes is out now everywhere you get podcasts! #podcast #comedy

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Kevin Costner on a bender with Pete Davidson

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There's a Secret Service agent running around right now looking for more diet coke

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A short documentary I edited about firefighters with PTSD, Shepherds of Fire, got accepted into its first film festival at the Independent Short Awards lfg #postsky #postchat

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I awlays knew pussy would be my downfall

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Tired: NYT: Young Musk Fans Learn American Civics, Hands-On Wired: Wired: Those Little Rat Fucks Are Still In The Walls

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Since Mitch McConnel is in a wheelchair today he's technically a DEI hire so he should be let go

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The son of Michael Jordan was arrested for DUI, cocaine possession and resisting arrest. "At least he doesn't owe money" said Michael Jordan

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Mexico agreed to send 10,000 troops to reinforce the border to pause President Trump's tariffs. The same border where they already had 10,000 troops stationed. Since 2021. Through a deal they made with President Biden. Checkmate liberals

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To pause Trump's tariffs, Canada agreed to spending 1.3 billion dollars on a border security plan. A plan they announced in December. When Biden was in office. Checkmate liberals

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Trump: Backtracks tariffs after stock markets open lower and relationships with our closest allies are severely damaged all because he wanted to extort them. Conservatives: Masterful gambit, sir

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If you like jokes about John Fetterman than this is the show for you! New episode out everywhere!

submitted 25 days ago • 1 comment