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[willem dafoe unprompted] now, this cookie monster. [toothy smile] what a creature, what a lust. it consumes him. [crosses legs] he’s really a tragic figure.

submitted 40 days ago • 87 comments

Pete Alonso got one. They embraced. "Bread friend," Alonso said. "Bread Pete." "That's right," Stanek said. "That's right, bud. Bread Pete." "Pete Pete," Alonso replied. "Pete Bread."

submitted 1 day ago • 34 comments

The cardinals are a real estate company, not a baseball team

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

If this is the end of American society, we do deserve it

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

The next Bond movie will be titled "Time to Die Mister Bond, Handcrafted Artisanal Film Movie for Men – Perfecf Christmas Gift and Funny Realistic Spy Gag, Harmless Entertainment Prank for Kids and Adults, Realistic Vanilla Scent 7.9 Ounce Motion Picture (Pack of 1)"

submitted 2 days ago • 7 comments

Sometimes a beer hits exactly right and you need four of them

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

Law Professor here: There’s actually a robust body of historical scholarship and intellectual debate about how the President of the United States is constitutionally a king. It’s silly to just dismiss this argument out of hand because you don’t agree with it.

submitted 2 days ago • 11 comments

My friends kid made a “hate-entines day” card. She is so real

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

I’m begging every important person in this country - politicians, lawyers, editors - please read just one book

submitted 4 days ago • 1 comment

Shaved my beard

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

i need a 52 year old man with $800 billion to impregnate my wife . i am worried our offspring wont be sufficiently feeble and/or annoying

submitted 7 days ago • 368 comments

Timeline sucks so much these days. I promise to do better

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

Uncle Fester lookin ass

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

I’m going to call my mom later to talk about it

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

NBA should make this an official Valentine’s Day card

submitted 8 days ago • 3 comments

Bailey is disgusting and also an 0fer on all of his dipshit suits

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

I gotta do as little work as possible today

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

Clicking on a local tv news website and my laptop is immediately lit on fire

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

I think if your single you should get valentines day off work

submitted 8 days ago • 7 comments

first day of tennis umpire school look to the person on your left. now look to the person on your right. ok thats basically the job

submitted 8 days ago • 23 comments

New new deal

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

Needs repeating

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

[willem dafoe unprompted] now, this cookie monster. [toothy smile] what a creature, what a lust. it consumes him. [crosses legs] he’s really a tragic figure.

Pete Alonso got one. They embraced. "Bread friend," Alonso said. "Bread Pete." "That's right," Stanek said. "That's right, bud. Bread Pete." "Pete Pete," Alonso replied. "Pete Bread."

The cardinals are a real estate company, not a baseball team

If this is the end of American society, we do deserve it

The next Bond movie will be titled "Time to Die Mister Bond, Handcrafted Artisanal Film Movie for Men – Perfecf Christmas Gift and Funny Realistic Spy Gag, Harmless Entertainment Prank for Kids and Adults, Realistic Vanilla Scent 7.9 Ounce Motion Picture (Pack of 1)"

Sometimes a beer hits exactly right and you need four of them

Law Professor here: There’s actually a robust body of historical scholarship and intellectual debate about how the President of the United States is constitutionally a king. It’s silly to just dismiss this argument out of hand because you don’t agree with it.

My friends kid made a “hate-entines day” card. She is so real

I’m begging every important person in this country - politicians, lawyers, editors - please read just one book

Shaved my beard

i need a 52 year old man with $800 billion to impregnate my wife . i am worried our offspring wont be sufficiently feeble and/or annoying

Timeline sucks so much these days. I promise to do better

Uncle Fester lookin ass

I’m going to call my mom later to talk about it

NBA should make this an official Valentine’s Day card

Bailey is disgusting and also an 0fer on all of his dipshit suits

I gotta do as little work as possible today

Clicking on a local tv news website and my laptop is immediately lit on fire

I think if your single you should get valentines day off work

first day of tennis umpire school look to the person on your left. now look to the person on your right. ok thats basically the job

New new deal

Needs repeating

the economy [everyone gets mad at me] sorry. i meant to say lovefool by the cardigans

she's doing a noise set

Be honest: Who do u think is the most underrated relief pitcher from the 2000s?