pundamentalism.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

SOLDIER: What are your orders, General? GENERAL: Run away! SOLDIER: Again? But we have more men. GENERAL: Run! SOLDIER: But people will think you're a coward! GENERAL: What are they going to do? Name something after me?! SOLDIER: I'm afraid it is a possibility, General Tso.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

1. Buy Alphabetti Spaghetti. 2. Remove all the letters except D, I, S, A, T, E and R. 3. Cook. - A recipe for disaster

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

Steve Miller: Some people call me the space cowboy, yeah Some call me the gangster of love Some people call me Maurice 'Cause I speak of the pompatus of love Barista: So I’ll just put Maurice on the cup?

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

The biggest lie in the corporate world is that a "friendly reminder" is in any way friendly.

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

STAGES OF HOTEL BUFFET BREAKFAST 1. Admire healthy selection of yoghurt and fruit 2. Start piece of toast in strange grill machine 3. Eat 19 rashers of bacon, 12 sausages and 2.3kg of scrambled egg 4. Toast burned, in bin 5. Eat 4 grapes and a piece of melon to be healthy

submitted 10 days ago • 2 comments

Me cutting my kids’ peanut butter sandwiches into heart shapes for Valentine’s Day:

submitted 15 days ago • 0 comments

If you hope to have a career in ballet after university, you’ll need a 2:2.

submitted 21 days ago • 0 comments

For once I'd like them to make a more realistic James Bond movie where he forgets his pass and has to wait for someone else to let him into MI6, or he's not allowed to go on the mission until he's up to date on his timesheets.

submitted 23 days ago • 0 comments

The reason togas often looked baggy is because some Romans were confused that L was bigger than XL.

submitted 25 days ago • 0 comments

“Magic Carpet” - Geordie explanation of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

submitted 26 days ago • 0 comments

My wife rarely asks me to cook Chinese food for her. She’s very lo meintenance.

submitted 28 days ago • 0 comments

Disneyland’s slogan becomes a lot less credible when you learn that 6 out of 7 dwarves there aren’t happy.

submitted 32 days ago • 0 comments

Imagine how difficult the investigation would be if there was a whistleblower at the Referees’ Association.

submitted 33 days ago • 0 comments

Four year-old just said, “when I’m a grown-up I’m going to be exhausted” and he pretty much already has adult life nailed.

submitted 33 days ago • 0 comments

Every time Trump tells a lie, his youngest son grows.

submitted 39 days ago • 0 comments

If you’re waiting for me to give some bad advice about swimming underwater, I wouldn’t hold your breath.

submitted 46 days ago • 1 comment

I actually think social platforms no longer checking facts is a positive move, and I’ve heard similar things from the other members of the World’s Greatest Lovers Society.

submitted 49 days ago • 0 comments

Sure sign Dry January isn’t going well when you sign off an email, “Yours Sancerrely”

submitted 49 days ago • 0 comments

Took some tennis balls to the shop and said I’d like to return them so they sold me a racquet.

submitted 54 days ago • 0 comments

Frodo Baggins has died, according to this Hobbituary.

submitted 54 days ago • 0 comments

Fake Christmas tree vs. the box you have to get it back into

submitted 55 days ago • 0 comments

AGAIN?! That title seems to be cursed.

submitted 56 days ago • 0 comments

Really enjoying my New Year gym membership - Spent 25 minutes on one machine today, and only stopped when it ran out of Kit Kats.

submitted 56 days ago • 1 comment

My five step exercise plan for 2025 is off to a great start: Today’s five steps were from the sofa to the fridge looking for leftover Christmas cheese.

submitted 59 days ago • 0 comments

Who called it “the parts of Wicked where people are unkind to Elphaba” instead of “Green witch mean time”.

submitted 59 days ago • 0 comments

It was my New Year’s Resolution for 2024 to sign up to some newsletters and start my day in a more informed way. And at the end of the year, I’m pleased to announce that I’ve spent 366 consecutive days immediately deleting loads of newsletters that I don’t have time to read.

submitted 60 days ago • 0 comments

People talk about how short a ‘New York Minute’ is, but they rarely mention that it’s still much longer than a ‘Dad Picking Up Torn Wrapping Paper’.

submitted 64 days ago • 0 comments

My wife insisted I take up boxing and call her Adrian. We’re going through a Rocky patch.

submitted 64 days ago • 0 comments

Feels a little hypocritical for Santa to have a ‘naughty list’ when he’s most famous for driving a very large vehicle incredibly fast while having an alcoholic drink at every house on the planet.

submitted 68 days ago • 0 comments

My biggest fear is that the person trying to save my life will look up how to do the Heimlich Manoeuvre on YouTube and I’ll die while they watch an unskippable Pizza Hut ad.

submitted 72 days ago • 0 comments

Not many people know this, but you can get a free illustrated portrait of a loved one for Christmas, by describing them as a murder suspect to a police sketch artist.

submitted 73 days ago • 0 comments

The most passive-aggressive mountain in the world is the Doesn’tMatterhorn.

submitted 88 days ago • 0 comments

On the plus side Gregg Wallace won’t have to get his local gym to open early for him any more, he can just go when everyone else is at work.

submitted 89 days ago • 0 comments

In every Teams meeting there is one person determined to start with a quick round of introductions, and another person determined not to make it quick.

submitted 90 days ago • 0 comments

The saddest thing about trying to find a needle in a haystack is that your horse is hiding a drug habit from you.

submitted 90 days ago • 0 comments

It was a mistake to buy the British Gas advent calendar. Opened one window this morning and my heating bill has gone up by £837.

submitted 90 days ago • 0 comments

Ariana Grande implies the existence of the smaller Ariana Tall and the giant Ariana Venti.

submitted 92 days ago • 1 comment

ARRIVING AT THE AIRPORT: Show us your ID! Let’s X-Ray your luggage! Take off half your clothes and walk through this scanner! NO WATER IN BOTTLES! LEAVING THE AIRPORT: Literally help yourself to any bag you like - we’re done with you.

submitted 94 days ago • 0 comments

I know this is a controversial opinion, but James Bond would be a better spy if they stopped picking a famous actor to be him.

submitted 97 days ago • 1 comment

The least realistic thing about vampire movies is how great their hair looks when they can’t see themselves in the mirror.

submitted 98 days ago • 2 comments

The most popular dog for common people is a Jarvis Cocker Spaniel.

submitted 104 days ago • 0 comments

One of the lesser discussed but highly important aspects of the P Diddy trial is how the outcome will shape the interpretation for future generations of the opening to Kesha’s ‘TiK ToK’.

submitted 104 days ago • 0 comments

The Netflix algorithm has seen a lot of people enjoying an old man getting beaten up by someone much younger and started recommending Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2.

submitted 105 days ago • 0 comments

Bonnie Tyler has released a cardiology video. It's totally clips of the heart.

submitted 112 days ago • 0 comments

“I’d like a bowl of soup please.” “Any sides?” “I hope so, or it’ll go EVERYWHERE.”

submitted 185 days ago • 0 comments

I’m all for sophisticated wordplay, but in the bathroom at the airport earlier today, someone at a urinal let out a long, fairly tuneful fart. Guy next to him said, “Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. Louis Armstrong…” and I haven’t stopped laughing.

submitted 189 days ago • 1 comment

Telling dates that I work in IT support is a massive turn-off. And then a turn-on again.

submitted 193 days ago • 0 comments

When abroad, James Bond is known as +44 07.

submitted 455 days ago • 0 comments

Billy Joel was sacked from a fish & chip shop because he didn’t start the fryer.

submitted 475 days ago • 0 comments

Recent Results for Lion King FC: A win, away, A win, away, A win, away, A win, away.

submitted 487 days ago • 0 comments