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punonmyface.bsky.social
The same tweets you know and hate!
267 posts 15 followers 52 following
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Posts 45 Comments 5

Emerging from Plato's cave, finally grasping the true nature of the shadows i've seen my entire life: "Is this some sort of pink pony club?"

submitted 16 hours ago • 0 comments

Wanking in Memphis

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

A stately pleasure dome? At this time of day? Decreed entirely within Xanadu?

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

can’t sleep because i’ve had a harrowing vision of a WW2 Muppet Movie where Kermit gets captured

submitted 94 days ago • 30 comments

Working at the elevator factory has its ups and downs! Like that one time Dave lost his arm in The Machine. We all got the day off afterwards. Except for the cleaners they had to work a double

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

Building a time machine so I can tell Ruth Bader Ginsberg "The USA King has 22 retruths". Not to change anything, I just think it could be fun

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

My doctor says I have tackycardia, it looks like I'm about to fall in love with a New Jersey millionaire

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

Me, a well-adjusted adult in a popular band: "If i see children with inflatable shoes, i will shoot them"

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

[Beastie boys voice]

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

Rizzoli and Eye holes

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

Matcha Man Randy Savage

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

Brb watching Nixon... something something

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

Stranded at the drive-in* *Skeleton orgy

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

Hudson suggested the prenup! She first learned about it from Kanye West's Golddigger, which she remembers fondly as the song of the summer when she was in daycare

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

Finally watched my neighbor Totoro. I absolutely loved it, but my wife thought it was creepy and weird, and she thinks it's weird that i keep using "Totoro" as a euphemism for "masturbate"

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

Oysters are a proven aphrodisiac (I like to fuck rocks)

submitted 12 days ago • 0 comments

Will oral sex still be funny in ten years? Tube in for Superbowl 69, only on XyVu

submitted 14 days ago • 0 comments

Blue sky needs more #topical #memes based on #currentEvents!

submitted 15 days ago • 0 comments

Insanely unfair that Trump, Vance Musk, Alito, McConnell, et al. aren't even hot

submitted 16 days ago • 0 comments

@ elon musk sir, i have all of the social security numbers here in my cryptex! Please venmo me 1 billion american dollars

submitted 16 days ago • 1 comment

Here's a list of board games i think would be absolutely miserable to play with Elon Musk: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of...

submitted 16 days ago • 0 comments

When times are tough, I'm reminded of something the inimitable Fred Rogers liked to say: "Look for the Hamburger Helpers"

submitted 17 days ago • 0 comments

You could never make Cool Hand Luke today. Because of yolk.

submitted 19 days ago • 1 comment

Noticing that places are running low on egg supplies, and yet chicken is still readily available. I have found an arbitrage opportunity

submitted 19 days ago • 0 comments

Guy who accidentally walks into the Pink Pony Club: "What is this, some kind of pink pony club??"

submitted 24 days ago • 0 comments

"Twenty-one gun salute?" i thought you said "twenty ONE GUN salutes" -me to the guy i just shot 20 times

submitted 24 days ago • 0 comments

Say what you will about RFK jr., but he also makes songs that suck

submitted 25 days ago • 0 comments

Can I say something without everyone getting mad...

submitted 26 days ago • 0 comments

Vaxxed?

submitted 26 days ago • 0 comments

Chris Coons perks up when he hears the last part

submitted 26 days ago • 0 comments

What is the US's favorite world capital city? Baku! (it likes to back coups)

submitted 26 days ago • 0 comments

Speaking of the Labors of Hercules, one of these things is not like the other

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments

H-O-T T-O-G-A "cleaned the stables in a day?!?!"

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments

Just bought a chest freezer and now my nipples are rock hard

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments

When we said that congress has the power of the purse what we meant is the power to purse their lips to express their disapproval! Resist! By buying my merch!

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments

Keep up the good work, team!

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments

POV: You've moves to a new town need ham:

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments

truly, this is the 'Sputnik moment' in the race to build a better Mechanical Turk

submitted 27 days ago • 1 comment

Yeah man, the NFL is rigged, that's why they keep letting Patrick Mahomes and New Yo... I'm sorry did you say Kansas City? The city in Missouri? Like the one that is famous for being named after another state and for also not being St. Louis? Wait, and they do WHAT as a celebration? No, yeah, rigged

submitted 28 days ago • 0 comments

Think how pissed you'd be if you were one of David's bandmates and you found out that he had a whole secret chord

submitted 29 days ago • 0 comments

I can't operate on him! He's my son! And I've always wished he would just bleed out as I stood by, capable of saving his life, yet choosing instead to watching him take his last chortling breath. He's a shitty son is what I'm trying to say.

submitted 30 days ago • 1 comment

Party rockers? Located in your house? Tonight?

submitted 30 days ago • 0 comments

March for WIFE

submitted 30 days ago • 0 comments

Karma squirming nervously as it mumbles to Taylor Swift "I just didn't think we were putting labels on it"

submitted 31 days ago • 0 comments

It must be hard to live in Memphis, because any time you walk you have to clarify that you're not just doing it because of the song

submitted 32 days ago • 1 comment