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qutzupalotl.bsky.social
I was Liam on Mastodon,and redherringbear and Punzischeme on twitter. Here to entertain the troops. Reposts are an endorsement of the joke. My stuff: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:3ikhpxf3tft4blnm3xphwu5t/feed/aaaefhjnprqaq
263 posts 3,845 followers 3,673 following
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Posts 44 Comments 5

My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick Especially because his name is Brian

submitted 10 hours ago • 7 comments

ME: hello everyone STONER: high FARMER: hay DOCTOR: how are you MECHANIC: how’s it going ASTRONOMER: what’s up TV SCHEDULER: what’s going on SEISMOLOGIST: what's shakin SAILOR: *waves*

submitted 22 hours ago • 25 comments

So guys, you’re not going to believe this, but I thought of the perfect botched penis enlargement scandal for this name.

submitted 23 hours ago • 0 comments

Heavy is the head that wears the cow.

submitted 41 days ago • 3 comments

The best revenge is living well, unless you own a crossbow.

submitted 43 days ago • 3 comments

The main reason I never light up a room is because I don't own a flamethrower.

submitted 27 days ago • 11 comments

"I won't let you down, sir!" — hangmen

submitted 23 hours ago • 0 comments

If you can make someone laugh or help them to achieve a little clarity in these crazy times, that is a gift. Thank you all.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

I haven't skeeted about murder in a while and that's exactly how a real killer would put you at ease.

submitted 1 day ago • 5 comments

The entire Dem Congress should show up every day wearing makeup exactly like Trump does. They shouldn't even bring it up or answer questions about it. The absurdity of it would deliver a great message.

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

Be the reason they lock the comments

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Went down to the basement to exercise and discovered it was flooded. Obviously the gods (Poseidon specifically) don't want me exercising.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

When Tesla stock really gets close to crashing out, it will be saved by some dark money. You read it here first.

submitted 1 day ago • 8 comments

I increasingly suspect America will end like every Tarantino film, with a massive Mexican standoff where everyone is pointing a gun at everyone else.

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

Me pronouncing pineapples like Minneapolis will probably come up in divorce court

submitted 1 day ago • 6 comments

The chef sent an amuse bouche, but nobody laughed.

submitted 11 days ago • 1 comment

To honor my continued commitment to authenticity I've changed my email signature from warmly to coldly.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

I dunno I guess another one of my favorite things is an empty plastic bag tangled up in the bare branches of a tree

submitted 1 day ago • 8 comments

lmao so the whole "remove criminal immigrants" will be canceled out by "offer citizenship for money"

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

the best thing about getting older is being injured by sleep

submitted 2 days ago • 25 comments

yacht rock cuz water choppy

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

I like most of you but there are a few of you I would throw potato chips on your beach blanket to attract the seagulls.

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

Me: if I’m guilty of anything, it’s loving too much Judge: and indecent exposure Me: well yeah

submitted 1 day ago • 11 comments

🎼I’m a Little Bit Country 🎵 And I’m a Little Bit Lock & Load

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

A journey of a thousand Mongols begins with a single steppe.

submitted 1 day ago • 5 comments

I learned something really important in a meeting today. If you fold the top of your ears through your hoop earrings you'll look like Yoda.

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

The Garbage Pail Kids are now in charge of the US Department of Sanitation.

submitted 2 days ago • 12 comments

REDRUM, but it’s just a message telling me to read the room.

submitted 2 days ago • 6 comments

My doctor told me I needed a cortisone shot, so I went out and killed a hooker.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

My nickname in high school was the Ronco™️ Vagina Dehydrator.

submitted 2 days ago • 3 comments

[flexing my incredibly swole thumbs] Me: Do you even scroll, bruh?

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

I never want to go to a party I just want to have been to a party.

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

I bet the next pope will be an Opus DEI hire.

submitted 2 days ago • 64 comments

Some of the best humor arises out of pain. Puns take that pain and spread it around so everyone gets a taste.

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

Bully for you! And bully for you! And you get a bully! Everybody gets a bully! - Oprah rn

submitted 3 days ago • 1 comment

“Alexa… what the fuck?”

submitted 3 days ago • 2 comments

Whack wack! Whack wack! - ducks campaigning against all the foolishness

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

Monday Mood

submitted 3 days ago • 2 comments

Falun Gong

submitted 3 days ago • 3 comments

Dear manager, Here's what I did last week: 1. Your mom 2. Your mom again 3. Ate your mom's lasagna 4. Your dad 5. Called my representatives

submitted 3 days ago • 25 comments

They say don't go to bed mad so I've been awake for 33 years

submitted 3 days ago • 1 comment

I like it when a film is thought provoking. I like it even better when the thought isn't "good god is this ever going to be over?"

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Oh no, this looks bad

submitted 3 days ago • 2 comments

“They’re going to take away social security and I wont be able to retire” if it makes you feel any better, we’ll be dead long before it matters

submitted 3 days ago • 2 comments