qwerintine.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

when raising a cat from the wild as a kitten, you have to train it hunting and such. i have been practicing with my kitten rogue for two years now, doing mantis style stances before switching to tiger style but attacking in eagle form. keeps her on her toes.

submitted 4 hours ago • 0 comments

"ready?" ready. "set?" i just fuckin' said i was ready. what's fuckin' set mean in this context? how can i be more ready than ready? fuckin' prick.

submitted 5 hours ago • 0 comments

max is the queerest name

submitted 6 hours ago • 0 comments

more like gradient, sheesh

submitted 6 hours ago • 0 comments

aw fuck goddammit, i went to breathe life into my creation and coughed by mistake and now it's all Corrupted

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

whatever the form of the device attaching us all to the virtual reality machine that makes up our shared, delusional reality, one thing is certain: it is embarrassingly simple and undignified

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

i think the switch 2 should change its name. switching is fine but after you do it a few times it's like ugh, pick a role already i have things to do today

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

the toxic avenger and mr clean live happily together in a loft in nyc

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

nothing more terrifying than being the only 40 year old in a sea of unsupervised teens at breakfast

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

this is a stealth mini vacation, snake. changes of clothes and sunblock are procure on site.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

amusement rides for dogs

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

i'm like a vampire but if instead of being unable to cross running water, it was riding in a car for more than fifteen minutes

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

so that's what happened to johnny five aces

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

they call him barber: king of the mullethawks

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

good ol sussex county sub shop

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

i wed the crows today, oh joy

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

chuck schumer is such a pussy [trips over mic chord] ow fuck, uh, he's such a pussy that [gets tangled up in the chord while trying to get up and falls back down] a real big pussy [gets so tangled that stagehands approach, one hands me a block to bite on and a chainsaw revs] hehs such a hig hussy AA

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

never put hot liquid in the blender. never put knives in the dishwasher. yes put knives (blade base) in blender. yes put hot liquid in dishwasher.

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

you can inject yourself with a syringe full of glowing, bubbly green liquid and become shohei ohtani now

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

it's called march madness because only lunatic brackets go all the way

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

they call apple cider vinegar "fry juice" 'round here. where's "'round here"? hee hee heeeeee heee heeeeeeee hee hee [taps temple]

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

do you think the prez hums c.w. mccall's "convoy" while in his presidential motorcade? does he realize that a motorcade is not a convoy? god he's so fucking stupid, i can't believe he does that in my head

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

are you cirrus? i didn't stutter, i said "cirrus". y'know, wispy, white, and heralding bad times? seems to me you're the most cirrus fool i've ever seen

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

[in a mopey banjo kazooie grunty voice] i'm so cronesome i could fly

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

you'd think saturn would be the better planet, since it's jupiter's father and has all those cool rings, that demonic radio signal from the hexagonal storm, and blue hue. but actually the storm three times bigger than earth raging on jupiter earns it the top of the solar system planetary tier chart.

submitted 6 days ago • 1 comment

kids growing up post-legalization have no idea what it was like buying weed. you’d go to a guy named skrelp’s house and it was always under a parking garage. skrelp wasn’t even there and it was deserted. there were dozens of holes in the floor and you had to intuit which one had weed and not snakes.

submitted 6 days ago • 17 comments

friday night: fire it up! fire it up! saturday morning: there ain't no comin' back this is the really real world

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

the most terrifying looney tunes shot

submitted 7 days ago • 1 comment

i'm gonna turn the expression "pearls before swine" on its ear and cast kidney stones before oligarchs

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

if a cat saw a defeated predator's bracer count down, they wouldn't know to run. they would paw at it and meow

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

when someone talks about something else being "too 'inside baseball'", it's because they fear you will discover the tiny civilization spread throughout every baseball that lives in the holes of the cork core

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

newsom? more like gruesome. or nuisance. gavin nuisance gruesome

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

i train every day to reduce the gaps in my attack pattern, but it's never good enough. close groups of bullets leave the smallest of openings by the time they reach my target, i can never muster the breath to conjure a seamless wall of flame, and the shockwaves i can generate after jumping suck.

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

meatball subs are the invention of bitter sandwich makers. they're designed to be tasty, but the minute you bite into one it all squirts out. we have hidden cameras in your home we use exclusively to laugh as up to five meatballs squirt out the back of your sub at your kitchen table.

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

"bitch" is no longer a gendered insult. the jesse pinkman foundation and i have worked tirelessly but at last, we're proud to announce that "bitch" now means specifically my enemies

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

i think after a beam that saps all the energy in a power grid fires, all the characters should smoke a cigarette during the beam's refractory period

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

🎶stave it off, 1 2 3, now you can count to three🎶

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

the dems need to move left. more to the left. more please. a bit more. over the x. good, now don't move.

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

when those cymbals jangle like spurs you know it's gonna be a they might be giants song

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

why isn't there an umbrella that looks like an octopus is about to eat you, complete with dangling tentacles

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

i hate it when i enter a room and the door closes and locks behind me of its own accord

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

i don't like playing tcg's because the cards always reveal dark portents to me

submitted 9 days ago • 1 comment