ricktheturd.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

Me: Happily browsing merchandise Salesperson: How’d you like to be followed around the store by a pushy talkative stranger?

submitted 37 days ago • 0 comments

What if instead of hedging your bets you edged your bets. Like hey I know my bets want to climax… but not yet, baby

submitted 66 days ago • 0 comments

It would be cool if AirBnB just meant Air Beavis and Butthead, and when you got to one it was just their house with two actors inside.

submitted 68 days ago • 0 comments

A24 makes films so that people with no taste have something to talk about

submitted 69 days ago • 0 comments

Not sure who is giving me all these gifts in the 12 Days of Christmas song but bro seems to think I’m really into birds

submitted 74 days ago • 0 comments

Its crazy that the feds caught the CEO shooter in a single week but my high school still hasn’t caught “the Mad Pisser” that urinated all over the bathroom walls and sinks in a string of unsolved attacks 24 years ago

submitted 74 days ago • 0 comments

Help me - my 11 year old son just laid on his back, sucked air into his butt, and farted the words “tik tok account” at our family

submitted 76 days ago • 0 comments

I, for one, welcome a society where billionaires live in fear of being snuffed out by the working class any time they leave their homes.

submitted 77 days ago • 0 comments

Wait a minute…

submitted 78 days ago • 0 comments

Evolving as a person is learning to park by the cart return and not close to the front of the grocery store

submitted 82 days ago • 0 comments

I pardoned my son after he shit on my pillow as a nasty response to a grounding

submitted 83 days ago • 0 comments

Fellow Millennials, let’s please kill the e-card industry. When Gen X dies I never want to receive another animated gif of a dancing turkey on Thanksgiving. Thank you.

submitted 83 days ago • 0 comments

When I go to a holiday party I always hope to see a little full frontal crudités

submitted 84 days ago • 1 comment

I feel Trump’s pain because when I remodeled my kitchen 4 years ago everyone was very critical of my cabinet picks too. Fuck them you gotta go with your heart

submitted 84 days ago • 0 comments

Such a flex that Dawn dish soap puts a baby duck on their bottles. Like hey fuckers you think your dishes are dirty? Put some respect on this fucking gosling who lived in an Exxon oil slick until we gave him a Dawn makeover. Yeah, sit down and shut up you stupid bitch

submitted 85 days ago • 0 comments

All of these conservative men disinvited from Thanksgiving over politics need to get in line. Ever since Danny Bonaduce walked out nude at the 2007 AVN awards and showed his little penis, it’s all I can talk about and my family won’t let me come to dinner anymore. Seriously it was SO SMALL

submitted 85 days ago • 0 comments

When I say “I’m not a big baby person”, I’m not saying I don’t like babies. I’m saying I hate fat ones

submitted 86 days ago • 0 comments

I wonder what type of dead sloth RFK and his family are having for dinner tonight?

submitted 87 days ago • 0 comments

George RR Martin and a glistening roast pheasant: name a more iconic duo

submitted 87 days ago • 2 comments

When you say “piss pig” you make it sound so low brow

submitted 87 days ago • 0 comments

This Thanksgiving I’m thankful for family, friends, and Eldritch horrors that defy the limits of mankind’s primitive brain, which to behold for even an instant would destroy sanity and leave one in a permanent state of drooling catatonia, forever lost in the yawning black abyss of space

submitted 87 days ago • 0 comments

What if instead of eating turkey with our families we stood on our roofs and took our peckers out for the night? Each of us, all over the world, communing and vibi- hey where are you going?

submitted 87 days ago • 0 comments

I’m not sure what Kendrick Lamar’s song “squabble up” is about but it sounds like something vaguely involving a thanksgiving turkey and violence

submitted 88 days ago • 0 comments

I say this as a fan of fantasy: The Wheel of Time is a huge piece of shit as a book series, a TV show, an IP. Throwing down my glove on that. And if you down with WOT, then fuck you too.

submitted 90 days ago • 1 comment

One of the more interesting things about watching America die in so avoidable a fashion is that both Socrates and Plato vividly described why and how democracies like ours always end, and we thought we were somehow too good for their warnings to apply. We’ve been Greek’d.

submitted 90 days ago • 0 comments