riversidecasino.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

Information is still unclear. We’re either showing The Purge or engaging in one on Tuesday. Either way, Ethan Hawke will be at our gift shop selling autographs for 8 bucks a pop.

submitted 4 hours ago • 1 comment

“Not sanctioned by the church” is such an ugly phrase for what happened in the moat.

submitted 10 hours ago • 2 comments

★★★★★ review:  “The casino's sports betting lounge did a bang-up job of making my wife’s funeral real classy. Go Timberwolves!”  —Dan T from Chambersburg, IA

submitted 15 hours ago • 0 comments

If you feel like the animatronic band characters are looking directly into your soul, it’s already too late. We wish you luck in your new life going forward.

submitted 17 hours ago • 3 comments

We’re still investigating but it appears someone used our WiFi to start a war with Björk

submitted 1 day ago • 11 comments

A great philosopher once said, “One doesn’t truly know oneself until one loses one’s whole Chick-fil-A paycheck at the craps table.”

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

If our valets can’t locate your car, please don’t ask if they’re innies or outies. They’ve had a lot of head injuries.

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

Please stop taking our free pens.

submitted 1 day ago • 8 comments

There’s nothing like being at the craps table and rolling a seven. Lucky 7. El Grande Siete. The Old Three and Four. The Old Six and One. The Old Five and Two. Symbolizing perfection and completeness, according to some Biblical scholars.

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

Thanks to the success of the chicken processing plant and River Side Casino, the region is no longer known only for all the truck stop murders.

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

Yes, the resort has car chargers in the parking garage. They don’t work but we have them.

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

The devil is in the details and also Paul the Pai Gow dealer.

submitted 2 days ago • 2 comments

We have decided to cancel tonight’s John Denver concert.

submitted 2 days ago • 7 comments

River Side Trivia: Footage from our buffet has been featured in five different “America’s Obesity Crisis” segments on ABC’s World News Tonight.

submitted 2 days ago • 6 comments

For the hundredth time, stop trying to argue with an alligator that thinks your golf ball is one of its eggs.

submitted 3 days ago • 1 comment

Your disregard for your health has been noted. That’s why we are bringing back smoking sections to the casino. Prefer even higher stakes? Try our new sushi, straight from the mud flats of the Hoover River.

submitted 3 days ago • 6 comments

Football may be over but have you ever experienced the excitement of pushing the Bet button on a slot machine??!!??!!

submitted 3 days ago • 4 comments

Some teenager just showed up and fired all of our jugglers.

submitted 4 days ago • 11 comments

The groundskeepers have gone on strike, so I’d avoid the north end of the golf course unless you want your bones to decorate the throne of the Raccoon Lord.

submitted 4 days ago • 4 comments

We have dropped sponsorship of the Hoover County Film Festival because our General Manager's documentary "My Mustache Journey: A Movie About My Mustache" was not accepted for official competition.

submitted 4 days ago • 3 comments

Do you have existential paranoia? Play our Lucky Leprechaun slot machine.

submitted 5 days ago • 1 comment

We're not sure why the migrating Canada geese are meaner lately. It may have something to do with tariffs? Just steer clear.

submitted 5 days ago • 2 comments

Our spa policy is clear. You cannot get a couple’s massage with your Cybertruck.

submitted 5 days ago • 7 comments

Rising grocery prices have forced us to postpone our annual Egg Fight.

submitted 5 days ago • 4 comments

Here at the River Side Casino, we take mental illness very seriously. But we ARE a business and that’s how we make our money.

submitted 6 days ago • 4 comments

Our property offers many ED treatments, including winning at craps, blackjack, and Mississippi Stud.

submitted 6 days ago • 3 comments

We’re offering a free night’s stay to the first guest who can figure out where the endless shrimp keep coming from. Please make it stop.

submitted 6 days ago • 30 comments

Surveillance has caught several @sorrowscopes.bsky.social astrologers attempting to infiltrate the feral cats. Please notify security if you see anyone in hemp pants who smells vaguely of mackerel.

submitted 7 days ago • 1 comment

There’s limited room in our Gambler’s Anonymous meeting. If you signed up, we drew names out of a hat and they’re posted on the main screen in the lobby.

submitted 7 days ago • 2 comments

The kitchen will only be serving flapjacks until we can find a cook who hasn’t been deported.

submitted 7 days ago • 7 comments

We believe some player card accounts might have been hacked. Please come in and gamble at least $500 so we can confirm your card is safe.

submitted 7 days ago • 1 comment

High rollers are now eligible for our onsite bail bondsman, but no funny business… our bounty hunter Jean Philippe has anger issues. And hemorrhoids.

submitted 8 days ago • 1 comment

If you think you can't have a sexy Valentine's Day at a casino, clearly your VIP host hasn't taken you on a tour of our sex silo.

submitted 8 days ago • 3 comments

You asked. We listened. Thunderdome construction has begun.

submitted 8 days ago • 8 comments

Celebrate Valentine’s Day in style with free passes to the midnight screening of Sophie’s Choice.

submitted 8 days ago • 3 comments

Sick of taking a vacation and having to look at mountains and oceans? Why not stay at our resort and look at buffet food and dice?

submitted 9 days ago • 1 comment

You don’t need to be a billionaire to go to Mars. The cult on the neighboring property is building their own rocket ship. Mention River Side Casino at the indoctrination for 15% discount on your Nikes.

submitted 9 days ago • 2 comments

Join us Friday February 14th for speed dating and all you can eat day old sushi in the You'll Die Alone lounge.

submitted 9 days ago • 2 comments

Looking for budget accommodations? Room 432 is now half-off. Do NOT ask why!

submitted 9 days ago • 4 comments

If you perish of natural causes in our hotel and promise not to haunt the building, we’ll give $100 free slot play to your next of kin.

submitted 10 days ago • 3 comments

Our fitness conscious patrons spoke and we heard you. River Side Cardio Slots™ come with foot pedals AND left and right levers for a balanced workout.

submitted 10 days ago • 2 comments

The feral cats seem to be working on a ‘flying V’ formation out on the golf course.

submitted 10 days ago • 2 comments

The escaped Cirque Du Soleil acrobats living in the woods are raising money for their leader’s hip replacement. Donate what you can.

submitted 10 days ago • 4 comments