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ronnypascale.bsky.social
A very famous comedian. Buy me a coffee? https://ko-fi.com/ronnypascale
793 posts 60,243 followers 128,079 following
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Posts 24 Comments 26

Guy at gym: there’s no cheat code for getting in shape. Uh, yah there is. Does anybody know how effective the Konami workout is? My cardio is Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, start

submitted 11 hours ago • 1 comment

I’m deleting emails as old as 7 years old. I’m tempted to respond to one and say “sorry just seeing this..”

submitted 3 days ago • 8 comments

I wrote this first page of a screenplay, based on a real incident, at a coffee shop. How meta.

submitted 3 days ago • 2 comments

I’m deleting emails as old as 7 years old. I’m tempted to respond to one and say “sorry just seeing this..”

submitted 3 days ago • 8 comments

Today a guy spilled his coffee, and instinctively yelled "CLEAN UP IN AISLE SEVEN". The entire coffee shop erupted in laughter. I WANT THIS REACTION. Clean up in aisle seven...

submitted 4 days ago • 4 comments

Incels are bad at playing chess. They could capture the queen, but they choose not to be near a woman.

submitted 8 days ago • 3 comments

Starbucks is a chain of public bathrooms that happens to also sell coffee.

submitted 12 days ago • 4 comments

Because of autocorrect, a Bougey man lives in my closet.

submitted 8 days ago • 3 comments

Today I found out my middle school bully is now a children’s author. He probably wrote these: One Fish, Two Fish, Dead Fish, You’re the Fish, Green Eggs and Smash Your Head In, The Sneetches Get Steetches.

submitted 8 days ago • 5 comments

Plan B packaging is very hard to open. Safe to say it's childproof.

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

I could watch this on a loop all day. X Musk, to trump: you’re not the president. You need to go away.

submitted 11 days ago • 10 comments

My father owned a pizza place for 35 years. Last year, he planned on retiring. He thought my brothers and I would all fight over it, Succession style. Spoiler alert: we didn’t. It’s hard when even your brothers think of you as 'Cousin Greg.

submitted 11 days ago • 1 comment

I'm a 39 year old college sophomore, by far the oldest person in my class. It's hard to make friends with people who call you "sir".

submitted 11 days ago • 11 comments

Today I told my therapist my most traumatic childhood moment. I never told anyone before today. When I was 12, my mom walked in on me—- not "doing boy stuff". She walked in on me watching a muted minor league baseball game on local TV, while doing play by play into a tape recorder.

submitted 11 days ago • 3 comments

Today I stepped on a banana peel and didn't slip. I feel like comedy lied to me.

submitted 11 days ago • 5 comments

I know I’ve been in CA too long when my phone just autocorrected “Guillermo del Toro” to “Guillermo Del Taco”.

submitted 12 days ago • 5 comments

Today my girlfriend compared our relationship to a TV show, saying that season three is about to start. It’s taken her this long the best way to talk to me is in sitcom terms. I said “when do we start introducing new characters?” The show has been cancelled.

submitted 12 days ago • 5 comments

711 Clerk: Before ya go, wanna hear a funny joke? Me: Only if it’s funny.. 711: A witch with roommates has broommates. I’m never going to 711 again.

submitted 12 days ago • 1 comment

One of my pregnant friends keeps posting IG pics. It constantly feels like we're all checking the tracking number. I'm ready for "OUT FOR DELIVERY" any day now.

submitted 12 days ago • 4 comments

Starbucks is a chain of public bathrooms that happens to also sell coffee.

submitted 12 days ago • 4 comments

Conservatives in my feed: I couldn’t understand a single word Kendrick Lamar said. Yeah, because you’ve never tried to listen to black people before.

submitted 13 days ago • 4 comments

This game is Shrek because it’s ogre.

submitted 14 days ago • 1 comment

Three years ago, I made my Super Bowl commercial debut. Today, I am in the background of another. If you find me, Where's Waldo-style you win $1.

submitted 14 days ago • 1 comment

Wanna do me a favor? Watch and like and share a video of my first Roast Battle. www.youtube.com/shorts/Ms7EZ...

submitted 15 days ago • 2 comments