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rtlee2001.bsky.social
Live in Central Florida. Life long Democrat. Need to find online sanity but also strategies for the next four years.
114 posts 191 followers 339 following
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Posts 48 Comments 2

How come the hearing aid advertisements don't have old people in them anymore? They seem to be my age... wait a minute...

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

Period jokes aren't funny. I'm bloody serious!

submitted 17 days ago • 0 comments

Feminine sanitation jokes are inappropriate. Period.

submitted 18 days ago • 0 comments

You know you are under a lot of stress when you start getting on your own nerves.

submitted 19 days ago • 0 comments

None of the scenarios in which I would require a watch that works 200m underwater are situations in which my watch would be my main concern.

submitted 20 days ago • 0 comments

They called them seat cushions because stool softeners didn't sound quite right.

submitted 21 days ago • 0 comments

Fruit cocktail is the most disappointing of all the cocktails.

submitted 26 days ago • 1 comment

My friend was telling me how his son is failing 3rd grade, and he's not sure how to tell him he's going to be held back. I said, "well, I'd recommend very slowly because the kid is obviously dumb as a rock!"

submitted 30 days ago • 0 comments

When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask them to dribble a football.

submitted 31 days ago • 0 comments

In Back to the Future, in the scene at Lou’s Cafe, Lou is confused by Marty’s references to Tab and Pepsi Free sodas because they don’t exist yet. Young viewers today are confused because those products are relics of the past.

submitted 32 days ago • 0 comments

Domesticated dogs can be very large because they’re too loyal to eat us. Domesticated cats must be very small, otherwise they would eat us.

submitted 33 days ago • 0 comments

I was going to start jogging today, but then I remembered that I own a car.

submitted 33 days ago • 0 comments

The Dow tomorrow

submitted 34 days ago • 307 comments

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

submitted 37 days ago • 0 comments

I remember at a very early age, my dad sat me down and told me about contraception, and how he wished he'd known more about it.

submitted 38 days ago • 0 comments

If my “check engine” light would check my wallet, it would know there’s nothing I can do about it!

submitted 40 days ago • 0 comments

According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, “neighborhood watch” isn’t what I thought it was.

submitted 41 days ago • 0 comments

I wanna be buried in a spring loaded casket with loads of confetti. Why? Because then in the future, some archaeologist is going to have one awesome day at work.

submitted 42 days ago • 0 comments

The instructions for my funeral are for someone to come up front at the end and padlock my coffin shut just to freak everyone out.

submitted 42 days ago • 0 comments

I want to know the specific details surrounding the situation that first led to shit literally hitting a fan.

submitted 48 days ago • 0 comments

In honor of St. Patrick's Day, I'm going to create a hybrid of a four leaf clover and poison ivy and give myself a rash of good luck.

submitted 51 days ago • 0 comments

If people really didn’t care what others think of them, we’d have a world full of assholes treating others terribly doing whatever they want whenever they want.... Wait….

submitted 52 days ago • 0 comments

A baby seal walks into a bar. "What can I get you?" asks the bartender. "Anything but a Canadian Club," replies the seal.

submitted 57 days ago • 0 comments

Hamsters are like cigarettes, they’re completely harmless until you put on in your mouth and set it on fire.

submitted 59 days ago • 0 comments

Girl, was your mother a beaver…….. Because, dam!

submitted 60 days ago • 0 comments

I just found out cockfighting is done with roosters. That's 12 months of training wasted.

submitted 61 days ago • 0 comments

My dentist switched me to this new sensitive toothpaste and now I can't stop crying

submitted 62 days ago • 0 comments

I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my keys, phone, and on occasion, my sanity.

submitted 64 days ago • 0 comments

We should fill driver side air bags with ketchup -- you know, just for fun.

submitted 66 days ago • 1 comment

The World Origami Championship has been won by a man from The Philippines, known simply as... The Manilla Folder.

submitted 67 days ago • 0 comments

Me: "I'm disappointed with my life." Life: "The feeling is mutual."

submitted 68 days ago • 0 comments

Holy shit have you used spray paint lately? it’s completely odorless you don’t evne neeb tog ventilaenenanfooooooooo

submitted 79 days ago • 0 comments

Just once I wish my skills were so critical that a helicopter would be dispatched to pick me up.

submitted 80 days ago • 0 comments

This 8 year old at Starbucks isn’t going to take any crap from his coworkers today.

submitted 84 days ago • 0 comments

Why do I even ask rhetorical questions?

submitted 84 days ago • 0 comments

From what I’ve heard, there are actually people whose paychecks last all the way to the next paycheck! I know! I didn’t believe it either.

submitted 85 days ago • 0 comments

I'm not a fig plucker nor a fig plucker's son, but I'll pluck your fig's 'til the fig plucker comes.

submitted 86 days ago • 0 comments

Hold the fuck on — the so-called “anti-woke” party has two daddies?

submitted 87 days ago • 278 comments

I need a better reason to get up than "because it's morning."

submitted 87 days ago • 0 comments

Yes, nothing says "I should be in charge of honoring America's fine arts at the Kennedy Center" quite like being a low-brow philistine schmuck who broke tradition by refusing to go to the Kennedy Center to honor America's artists. I just never thought I'd see Kid Rock and Hulk Hogan get the award.

submitted 88 days ago • 1732 comments

How awesome would it be if boobs made maraca sounds when you shook them?

submitted 88 days ago • 0 comments

Every time I see "DOGE" my brain insists on reading it as "Dodgy" and honestly I think my brain is onto something

submitted 89 days ago • 55 comments

I am tired of these kids running lemonade stands acting like they've never heard of vodka before.

submitted 89 days ago • 0 comments

Jim Carrey: (doing standup) who here is left handed Audience: Jim Carrey: all righty then

submitted 91 days ago • 12 comments

I just realized that I subconsciously cook food based on how much cleanup I will need to do after, not on what I actually want to eat.

submitted 90 days ago • 2 comments

My mother continually missed the irony of it all when she called me a "son of a bitch."

submitted 91 days ago • 0 comments

The point about Trump’s deranged comments about Gaza is that we’re wasting precious seconds talking about Trump’s deranged comments about Gaza and not unelected Elon Musk’s coup to dismantle our government.

submitted 91 days ago • 160 comments

The last time I cared about a sporting event Voldemort returned and Cedric Diggory was murdered.

submitted 93 days ago • 0 comments