ryansimmons.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

I am watching, along with one hundred thousand other people, Twitch's most popular streamer try to contact TikTok tech support, in total silence, because his account got hacked. god i love the future

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Here's something I wrote (and recently re-wrote) that I like to share around Academy Awards Time: The Kids Are Not Alright: The 2019 Academy Award Live Action Short Films Made Me Want To Die Link below but I'll also thread here with alt text if that would please ya medium.com/@ryansimmons...

submitted 30 days ago • 8 comments

The Adam’s admin is like watching an amateur ride a giant circus unicycle. You know they need to come down for everyone’s safety but you’re kind of impressed it’s gone on for as long as it has

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

(Jim Downey on the Conan podcast voice) Hooters?! The chicken wings place??

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[willem dafoe unprompted] now, this cookie monster. [toothy smile] what a creature, what a lust. it consumes him. [crosses legs] he’s really a tragic figure.

submitted 41 days ago • 87 comments

Paddington’s silence on all of this is VERY disappointing

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ELON: (replying to picture comparing 90s Lara Croft’s breasts to current day Lara Croft’s breasts posted by account called Western_Gaming) Woke must be stopped. GRIMES: Elon please call me back. Your sickly child Morty Mechahitler got cut in half looking at a photo of a Cybertruck.

submitted 1 day ago • 20 comments

This severance edit is why they wanted to ban tiktok 🤣🤣🤣

submitted 2 days ago • 24 comments

chopn't

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

They won't even chop your salad anymore at Chop't. This country is fucking cooked

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Paulie: "I tell the guy, 'I got your Magic Missile right 'ere!' Heh heh, did ya hear that Tone? I said, I got your Magic Missle right 'ere!" Tony [annoyed this session is going on hour 4 and they haven't even made it to the goblin's hideout]: Dat's enough!!

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

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2001: "Here comes the balrog!" 😲 2025: [passing multiple balrogs on my way to the work camps] "sup guys" "sup"

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Spoke about How I Got My Career, and why you should just be friends with people you like instead of trying to "network"

submitted 4 days ago • 2 comments

The Adam’s admin is like watching an amateur ride a giant circus unicycle. You know they need to come down for everyone’s safety but you’re kind of impressed it’s gone on for as long as it has

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

Elon Musk is perfect for America because he has the power to enact dumb guy solutions to dumb guy problems. This week he will order the chip factories to stop putting so much air in the bags and when the chips get all smashed up in shipping he’ll be like “success! Big chips were too hard to eat”

submitted 5 days ago • 1 comment

Having seen some absolutely wild behavior from other visitors at National Parks, this is particularly disastrous for our country's dumbest tourists

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

This isn’t funny. Me, Xander, Nathaniel and “Kong” spent five hours clearing a Sweet 16 party out of the park to get this shot

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

This isn’t funny. Me, Xander, Nathaniel and “Kong” spent five hours clearing a Sweet 16 party out of the park to get this shot

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

Bernie Wagenblast, the iconic voice of @mta.info subways, has a message, the day after the feds took the letter "T" referring to trans people, off websites about the Stonewall National Monument. @thecity.bsky.social

submitted 8 days ago • 26 comments

I'm old enough to remember mass shootings being a "mental health problem"

submitted 9 days ago • 1 comment

Christ in heaven I am 0-3 on my favorite getting-stoned-and-clicking-stuff game franchises releasing a long-anticipated entry that isn’t rushed and busted. What’s a guy gotta do I just wanna build little cities and theme parks and shit jeezum crow

submitted 10 days ago • 1 comment

Solidarity with our colleagues at SB Nation who were impacted by this latest round of layoffs.

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

This is the third round of layoffs at Vox Media in as many months. Solidarity with our affected members as we continue to fight for strong union contracts with severance and layoff protections. Management seemingly views cutting the workers who build their brands as the easiest business "strategy."

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

you are looking live. here's the beer venmo www.patreon.com/kofie

submitted 11 days ago • 8 comments

We are extremely disappointed with SB Nation's decision to layoff staff at its popular YouTube hub Secret Base. Not only is this a blow to a talented team, it undercuts the creator-driven and subscription-driven models of sustainability that Vox Media has been trying to cultivate. We must do better.

submitted 11 days ago • 3 comments

Kofie's voice was essential in the shaping of Secret Base. I was a fan before we linked up and I'll be a fan forever. Our absolutely tremendous loss will be someone else's gain I assure you

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

This is like watching the tidal wave from 'deep impact' coming right for your beach but instead it's people who don't get jokes

submitted 11 days ago • 66 comments

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Unbelievable — Big Evil Corp just created a big knob that releases toxic gas directly into public elementary schools every time a user turns it. Here’s 18 video clips of me turning the knob over and over to demonstrate how it works

submitted 50 days ago • 4 comments

This is the hardest I’ve laughed in a long time.

submitted 15 days ago • 52 comments

Congrats to future Mark Twain Prize Winner Andrew Dice Clay

submitted 15 days ago • 1 comment

It’s heartening to know Billy Joel hates We Didn’t Start The Fire because same, bro!!

submitted 15 days ago • 1 comment

Congrats to future Mark Twain Prize Winner Andrew Dice Clay

submitted 15 days ago • 1 comment