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sakiko.exposed
She/Her - Failed Writer 📔 and Ojou Doll Woman 🦋 SakiMutsuMortis Reconciliation Theory is real https://archiveofourown.org/users/LacusMemoria Spoilers 24hr after airing | rot13 Personal talk | Beaufort SakiIII
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Fixing the brain with the reminder that there have only been two characters we have ever seen depicted as capable of handling The Horrors being handed to them and coming out the same way I did - so of course writing about this stuff is finally possible through channeling that

submitted 28 minutes ago • 1 comment

I should just finish the fic and publish it. If people get mad at me oh well. If we're being honest that's ideal. Guilt writing systemSaki/Cucumbers as like,15k words of Sakiko Experiencing The Horrors and then like, a resolution that is healing for all of them but does not actually solve anything

submitted 45 minutes ago • 0 comments

I guess I just need to type it out cause I've been dying of guilt. I wrote Sakiko as having more severe trauma than how she's depicted in the show. Our trauma. And then used the thought, the feeling of how beautiful and complex SakiMutsuMortis is to to write her healing. It feels abhorrent idk

submitted 59 minutes ago • 1 comment

So like if you wanna know what it's like. My severe mental breakdown this weekend was from guilt over writing Sakiko smiling after kissing Mortis on the hand. Legitimately spiraling so hard, knowing how evil that is, to force Sakiko to be happy, I texted my boss I was quitting.

submitted 1 hour ago • 1 comment

Constantly frustrating remembering I'm public now and talking too much about my work or research is dangerous for personal opsec lol

submitted 1 hour ago • 0 comments

The issues I have with psychiatry are institutional, not scientific. The issue is not with the science being done. It is interpretation, application to people with lived experiences in an incredibly historically skewed power structures - and incentive to use this power to marginalize people.

submitted 1 hour ago • 0 comments

Shouldn't have to but I would be lying if I said it wasn't satisfying when people pull the "I just trust the science" card and I get to pull out my degree and actual, structural basis for what "the science" is and the issues with a lot of psychiatric aggregation and the convo just ends lol

submitted 2 hours ago • 1 comment

I'm sorry. I'm really really really truly sorry. I wish it was ever enough. I wish being sorry could take back the hurt. I wish it coudl mean anything. I wish I hadn't let myself be so. All I had to do was admit I was scared. But I couldn't. I knew, and I watched, and I felt horrible. And I couldnt.

submitted 3 hours ago • 0 comments

Okay maybe I do just give up on doing this all but also I really don't want to risk not being able to like. Hold them completely out while I try to leave. It's so mentally taxing my body can't take it. Annoying.

submitted 8 hours ago • 1 comment

Ultimately, Sakiko Mutsumi and Mortis complete and love each other. But right now it's just such a perfect vehicle for how disgusting and messy it gets like, inside there while this sort of thing happens. It's great. I wish they went further with it.

submitted 8 hours ago • 0 comments

I wish I could describe how physically ill the Sakiko Doll Introject makes me. Like I'm bleeding out of my eyes.

submitted 9 hours ago • 1 comment

submitted 9 hours ago • 0 comments

The real tragedy is people describing Sakiko ableism after this ep as "Rejecting Mortis as a person" and not "omg all I have to do is love this girl (easiest thing ever) and I get to have a guilt battery with me at all times while I'm flirting with Mutsumi???"

submitted 9 hours ago • 1 comment

Trying to write more of the like, healing part of the SakiMutsuMortis fic and it is making me explode. Fundamentally forcing Sakiko into a situation where somebody loves her and she accepts that is unbearably painful for my guilt complex.

submitted 10 hours ago • 1 comment

Like idk maybe I'm wrong but it feels like there's no other reason to leave Uika till this far in other than to bounce her off "okay so you think this doll codependence is bad? What if we showed you somebody worse? And they all made each other worse?"

submitted 13 hours ago • 1 comment

Cannot conceptualize pitting Uika and Mutsumi against each other. I am experiencing religious fervor over the visions of both those little doll freaks tripping over each other to present themselves as more empty and devoted to Sakiko. Who internally immolates herself wishing she didn't love it.

submitted 13 hours ago • 1 comment

It's all bad but if there is a single thing, just one, I could change how people talk. It's this second point. The rest is all bad as well, but the clinical terms given to this idea are what allow so many to weaponize it against systems without needing to engage with the reality of their experiences

submitted 17 hours ago • 1 comment

I'm incapable of feeling anything like hope, but when I write my stupid little SakiMutsuMortis things it feels like that kind of thing could actually exist. It's stupid. Like I know I'm just writing what I wish I could imagine. So why do I spend so much time doing it.

submitted 17 hours ago • 0 comments

okay lightening things with the headcanon: Mortis is so weak to acts of emotional intimacy and validation it makes her explode and shove Mutsumi up front

submitted 17 hours ago • 2 comments