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shelteredguy.bsky.social
126 posts 9 followers 16 following
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Real confidence means you understand that you might mess up and you're not ashamed of that.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Idk how some people use like 6 pillows. What are you a giraffe?

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Man first they went after carbs and now they wanna cancel fruit. Pretty soon the only healthy thing left will be water.

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

If you ask a woman what's wrong, she'll either say "nothing" or she'll tell you everything that's ever bothered her since 14,000 BC. There is no middle ground.

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

I don't like it when people ask me my age. I feel like if I say it out loud it'll become more true.

submitted 13 days ago • 0 comments

What do you call a democracy where your level of representation is directly correlated with your socioeconomic status? Asking for a friend.

submitted 21 days ago • 0 comments

I hate it when ppl say they can't complain like did you even try?

submitted 22 days ago • 0 comments

Me checking my income tax refund

submitted 22 days ago • 0 comments

When you're a kid everyone warns you about bills And responsibilities as an adult but no one ever gives you a heads up about ALL THE TALKING.

submitted 24 days ago • 0 comments

submitted 29 days ago • 0 comments

I like holidays cuz it's a great way to end a conversation without sounding rude. Oh cool story, anyway happy new year I guess we both have to leave now.

submitted 29 days ago • 0 comments

Eggs beat the s&p 500 this year.

submitted 31 days ago • 0 comments

Desi taste buds can never detect too much spice. It's like a spice buffer. We recognize when the food is too spicy based on our stomach acidity.

submitted 31 days ago • 0 comments

We shouldn't say good night, we should say enjoy your sleep.

submitted 34 days ago • 0 comments

I do not want to get up

submitted 35 days ago • 0 comments

"Self driving car" is misleading, I'm like, I already drive it myself.

submitted 35 days ago • 0 comments

New year, older me.

submitted 35 days ago • 0 comments

I'm telling my kids this is Jim Carrey in The Mask.

submitted 37 days ago • 0 comments

I used to think "the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" was a proverb, but now I know it was a prophecy about Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom.

submitted 38 days ago • 0 comments

I thought my phone was broken but it was just an Instagram update.

submitted 38 days ago • 0 comments

One thing I learned in grad school is that E.T. has helped author a lot of research on earth.

submitted 38 days ago • 0 comments

No your car doesn't sound cool. It sounds like it has diarrhea. Idk if you should take it to a mechanic or to the bathroom.

submitted 39 days ago • 0 comments

Whenever I see married people posting on social media, I assume they're talking about their spouse.

submitted 43 days ago • 0 comments

Doesn't matter what the scale says, you didn't lose weight until one of your sisters noticed and pointed it out.

submitted 44 days ago • 0 comments

Can you believe one Hershey's kiss has 22 calories?! What is this? I might as well eat a whole bakery.

submitted 46 days ago • 0 comments

submitted 49 days ago • 0 comments

Never post your problems online. The bad advice will be worse than your original problem.

submitted 52 days ago • 0 comments

I really don't have the emotional stability to be an adult.

submitted 55 days ago • 0 comments

The problem with New Years resolutions is that New Years is only for a day.

submitted 56 days ago • 0 comments

submitted 57 days ago • 0 comments

I found a hair in my bathroom today. Way too long to be one of my hairs and I live alone... What's happening... Do jinn have hair?

submitted 64 days ago • 0 comments

Comedy and poetry are the last two places where genuine honesty is still socially acceptable.

submitted 65 days ago • 0 comments

This is why women win arguments

submitted 67 days ago • 0 comments

Yellowstone finale was very disappointing.

submitted 68 days ago • 0 comments

If you think a joke is insensitive you should probably just keep quiet. Just because you don't have a sense of humor doesn't mean you have to ruin it for everyone else.

submitted 70 days ago • 0 comments

In a marriage, when he says "we" it means "she". "We decided" means "ahe decided" "We cleaned" means "she cleaned" And so on.

submitted 71 days ago • 0 comments

It can be difficult to readjust to regular human life after a long vacation.

submitted 73 days ago • 0 comments

Me*goes on vacation* My problems waiting for me when I come back:

submitted 85 days ago • 0 comments

People who email and say "please do not respond to this email, this inbox is not monitored" are cowards.

submitted 89 days ago • 0 comments

Don't throw away perfectly good food. Leave it in the fridge until it goes bad, THEN throw it away.

submitted 90 days ago • 0 comments

I like winter. I feel like the day ends quicker.

submitted 91 days ago • 0 comments

It's not that I'm a bad texter, It's that I just don't care.

submitted 92 days ago • 0 comments

Getting older as a non-athletic person is interesting. While all your athletic friends are complaining about their muscles and joints, you're just like yeah...I never really used those anyway so I wouldn't know.

submitted 94 days ago • 0 comments