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smillz.lol
Better half → @kmillz.lol 💍 Just me → https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:kz7qpoj4lgmpfdiijbkuopvn/feed/aaabg4dgwqiyu
271 posts 572 followers 90 following
Prolific Poster
Posts 45 Comments 2

The existence of bed rotting implies the existence of bed thriving

submitted 33 days ago • 1 comment

accepting thoughts and prayers in this trying time (nothings happening i’m just dumb sometimes and it bites me in the ass)

submitted 32 days ago • 6 comments

i just think “yacht” ought not to be spelled like that

submitted 32 days ago • 62 comments

for legal reasons i will not be breaking the law

submitted 32 days ago • 3 comments

who called it charging your emotional battery when flattery was right there?

submitted 38 days ago • 3 comments

‘28 Years Later’, which is a zombie movie, is coming out soon bluesky is “dead”, so now a zombie COINCIDENCE ?? I THINK NOT

submitted 32 days ago • 7 comments

I never believed it was butter

submitted 33 days ago • 26 comments

gonna slip the chiropractor an extra $20 to break my neck

submitted 33 days ago • 0 comments

Whoever called it “intelligent design” clearly didn’t consider how our eating hole doubles as a breathing hole, which any choking victim would tell you is far from intelligent.

submitted 35 days ago • 7 comments

One simple trick I’ve discovered to avoid picking a watermelon that isn’t ripe: just buy ice cream and don’t get watermelon.

submitted 33 days ago • 0 comments

I’m assuming that if I understand the language correctly, in France bonfires are considered a good thing?

submitted 35 days ago • 1 comment

The hardest part of this new diet is where to hide all the bodies.

submitted 33 days ago • 16 comments

2 blocks from posting my slutty cinnamon rolls. If you can't handle me being #breadslut might as well block me now.

submitted 33 days ago • 3 comments

Cooking at Home is a ploy by Big Kitchen Mess to sell more Kitchen Mess

submitted 33 days ago • 12 comments

i hate fathers day what do you even buy for a man you don't know

submitted 33 days ago • 0 comments

Going to start saying “dinghy off the port bow!” when I need to poop.

submitted 33 days ago • 2 comments

narcissus? more like narcissme am i right

submitted 33 days ago • 0 comments

People say “I’m at a loss for words” - and then ramble on for an hour.

submitted 37 days ago • 0 comments

lilo & stitch fans love telling on people because snitches get stitches

submitted 32 days ago • 1 comment

shout out to the dude outside my bedroom window with the handheld camcorder for keeping it old school

submitted 35 days ago • 3 comments

maybe it’s borderline personality disorder, maybe it’s maybelline

submitted 36 days ago • 5 comments

narcissists leave you in ruins, then text “you up?” from the fallout shelter

submitted 32 days ago • 1 comment

i love myself so much i am the only person who can turn me in i’m a narc-issist

submitted 33 days ago • 1 comment

narcissus wasn’t all that vain but he did die in a staring contest

submitted 33 days ago • 1 comment

Me: [looking in the mirror] we really need to cut back on the narcissism. My reflection: good point. You're looking very handsome today, by the way

submitted 33 days ago • 0 comments

Technically, every dog in Nebraska is a “prairie” dog

submitted 33 days ago • 1 comment

prairie dogs are just moles with an attitude

submitted 33 days ago • 0 comments

Is that a prairie dog in your pants or do you just really need to shit?

submitted 33 days ago • 2 comments

pre-apocalyptic is just a fancy way of saying “right now”

submitted 114 days ago • 3 comments

[13 hours into sinking in quicksand] they should call it slowsand lmao

submitted 33 days ago • 5 comments

Your mother and I met thanks to a starter pack called badass shitposters

submitted 215 days ago • 6 comments

If you’ve seen a panda at the zoo, you’ve seen my best sex moves.

submitted 41 days ago • 5 comments

Being abducted by aliens might just be the vacation I need at this point.

submitted 32 days ago • 2 comments

There’s no need to be sarcastic but that’s not going to stop me.

submitted 33 days ago • 7 comments

i have stock in Birkin no wait i have Birkenstocks

submitted 33 days ago • 5 comments

[adds only themselves to a starter pack] NARCISSUS: all done

submitted 213 days ago • 2 comments

The extra time from this 3 day weekend gave me the opportunity to get so much more housework done! I didn't do any of it. But I certainly had the opportunity.

submitted 34 days ago • 10 comments

I talk to my phone all the time, to start a sleep analysis, to map a run, to set an alarm, or change playlists and so on. In fact the only time I don’t want to talk to it is when someone rings me on it.

submitted 33 days ago • 2 comments

The existence of bed rotting implies the existence of bed thriving

submitted 33 days ago • 1 comment

a dating app but for narcissists so they can go and fuck themselves

submitted 33 days ago • 11 comments

presenting a bottle of breast milk to the baby like a boob sommelier

submitted 33 days ago • 14 comments

that's me on the corner that's me on the sidewalk trying to catch a pigeon

submitted 97 days ago • 28 comments

quitting insomnia due its non viability as a sustainable strategy to monetise shitposting

submitted 33 days ago • 2 comments

tequila is just cactus jizz

submitted 33 days ago • 11 comments

rube goldberg would have loved final destination movies

submitted 33 days ago • 5 comments