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so-fkn-normal.bsky.social
21, he/him, trans masc currently going by Andrei, but James or Jan is okay too english/german, some basic russian don't take the stuff I post too serious, that's just the mental illness speaking (vent acc)
70 posts 23 followers 30 following
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work wouldn't even be half as bad if it wasn't constant overstimulation bc ppl can't act like adults and have to run around and scream like toddlers in a daycare without supervision

Good morning, I just realized what my stepdad did for as long as he's known me is grooming

got an appointment with my gp in 1 ½ weeks for a referral to a therapist, and my anxiety is already spiking each time I just think about that I am never going to survive therapy

I wanna die

I'm well aware that I likely have alexithymia, but sometimes it still hits me that other people probably don't conceptualize feelings like "Ah, I'm scared. I know that because there's a specific sensation in my lower front teeth."

Wheeeeee my insomnia is back

Microdosing dying in a ditch by sleeping on the floor

sorry i've been so testy lately. it's just because of every single thing in the entire world

floor time

My brain is mush My emotions are all over the fucking place Haven't showered or properly eaten all week I feel like I'm 13 again hiding in my room from my parents The world is burning I hate it here

My screen name has turned so fucking ironic the past few days

Really love seeing people call transmascs 'whiny' on my tl when I've been hiding in my room and not going to work the past 3 days (and also probably won't leave until at least monday) bc I got outed :|

Ah shoot just found out cigarettes have mircroplastics :(

Spent the entire day yesterday puking, also was forced out of the closet, so that's fun and definitely made me feel very good about myself

Update: Still alive

fuck

Ill never be a man, so why bother?

just took 20 metamizol, hope I don't wake up tomorrow ✌️

Me: I'm fine, I'm making up.all my issues Also me: I wanna die so badly

I hope I dont wake up tomotroe

Was full when I started lol

Should I stop ranting and go to bed? probably. But will I? No lol. As if I've ever made a healthy decision for myself I'm literally supposed to be dead rn

when did I get 8 followers on here anyways, hi 👋 sorry you're witnessing my terrible mental health

Still surprised that I was never put in a psychiatry, but instead got "non-diagnostic emergency therapy" or something (not that I was ever told anything bc fuck me ig, I'm just a stupid girl)

I'm feeling like I'm never gonna transition and it's making me wanna die highkey tbh

Sorry, I'm totally drunk rambling and venting rn I just have one one to confess to except the internet Which, tbh, is kinda pathetic, because it's entirely my own fault but ig it is what it is Block me if you don't wanna see it /genuine