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sockholliday.bsky.social
Maybe going viral on a third social media platform will fix me | Worser half of Mela Shea
99 posts 98 followers 71 following
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The Lion King is probably my favorite movie about running away from your problems until you’re strong enough to kill your uncle.

submitted 84 days ago • 124 comments

“Wow, the phone in this dream has been ringing forever.” - me, 43 minutes into sleeping through my alarm

submitted 20 days ago • 10 comments

putting on leggings with slightly damp feet is my yoga

submitted 20 days ago • 2 comments

How many calories do you burn opening a ferrero rocher?

submitted 20 days ago • 12 comments

[getting interrogated] Good Cop: we just want to understand what happened Bad Cop: SPILL IT, PUNK Passive Aggressive Cop: seems like you could help us pretty easily but whatever, you do you, it’s what you do best

submitted 20 days ago • 2 comments

Alexa, bring me a shrubbery.

submitted 20 days ago • 10 comments

[Scrolling through Netflix] No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No… *2 hours later* ...No

submitted 309 days ago • 33 comments

I signed the Pledge for Canada but really it's for spite.

submitted 23 days ago • 1 comment

wow, my grandma sucks at dodgeball

submitted 22 days ago • 21 comments

William: Yes, some people call me that. Bill collector: Come with me.

submitted 22 days ago • 6 comments

Ad: Are u lonely me: yup Ad: Are u depressed me: probably Ad: Are u frequently sad me: well Ad: Are u the result of parents who withheld affection because they viewed emotional honesty as weakness of character me: wait Ad: Are u on bluesky me: Ad: Are u granttanaka me: wtf Ad: lol

submitted 22 days ago • 16 comments

Your own. Personal. Shitshow.

submitted 22 days ago • 19 comments

One of my biggest fears is getting the courage to start the Happy Birthday song and no one else joins in, so I just keep doing the “Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa—” part forever.

submitted 22 days ago • 12 comments

You stay in your head and I’ll stay in mine.

submitted 24 days ago • 10 comments

Don’t think that I haven’t noticed that you haven’t noticed. ~ Women

submitted 22 days ago • 8 comments

I'd like to be alone now please sign out.

submitted 21 days ago • 4 comments

[drinking tea] Wife: please stop doing that thing with your pinky Me: [removes pinky from anus] whoops sorry

submitted 21 days ago • 12 comments

The floor is lava. The ceiling is lava. l've been thrown into an active volcano.

submitted 21 days ago • 19 comments

I check the want-ads every day but there's never an opening for an empire builder.

submitted 21 days ago • 8 comments

Not to brag but I have no need for a bangers link in my bio.

submitted 21 days ago • 7 comments

my girlfriend just said "i'm fine" then added "just forget about it" so now i have to create a new identity and relocate to another country

submitted 21 days ago • 19 comments

I hate it when you go to a fancy restaurant and the food tastes like the chef doesn't have any tattoos

submitted 21 days ago • 53 comments

My neighbor Randy saw his shadow today so it looks like we’ll be experiencing six more weeks of drunken front yard kung fu

submitted 21 days ago • 6 comments

No fridge has all five: 1. Wifi connectivity 2. Smart features 3. Stainless steel doors 4. Zuul, a minion of the God known as Gozer, who was worshiped as a demigod by the Sumerians, Mesopotamians and Hittites in 6000 BC 5. Specialty ice dispensers

submitted 25 days ago • 3 comments

Murder, She Suggested

submitted 26 days ago • 5 comments

Sure, regular Jeopardy! can make you feel stupid but Pop Culture Jeopardy! can make you feel stupid and uncool

submitted 26 days ago • 7 comments

[400,000 BC] - Man discovers fire. - Woman discovers arson.

submitted 26 days ago • 3 comments

I miss the days when our biggest concern was Marilyn Manson.

submitted 26 days ago • 2 comments

Unreliable narrator forgot to pick up my kids again

submitted 26 days ago • 7 comments

HR have told me my lip biting habit is annoying my coworkers so starting tomorrow, i'll just be biting my own

submitted 26 days ago • 16 comments

[Police drawing the outline around my dead body] “WE’RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER PIECE OF CHALK!”

submitted 26 days ago • 7 comments

Lady: Don’t go there it’s a very Brad neighborhood Me: Brad? *Hundreds of Brads ascend from the sewers. Time stops. The sky turns Brad*

submitted 26 days ago • 5 comments

my son started introducing me to his friends as "my biological father" and literally nothing has prepared me for this

submitted 25 days ago • 35 comments

sexting is like describing every course of a delicious breakfast while I'm extremely hungry then I gotta go make it myself and be like oh this food you made is so delicious. make it make sense

submitted 27 days ago • 28 comments

Me: [angrily flipping over table] YOU CHEATING LITTLE SHIT Daughter: once again, how does one cheat at hungry hungry hippos

submitted 27 days ago • 15 comments

Her: We need to bare our souls to each other Me: lol, bear assholes

submitted 46 days ago • 4 comments

I smile unknowingly.

submitted 28 days ago • 5 comments

shooting a deer isn't impressive, but seducing a deer, making it fall in love with you, and then crushing it’s heart with emotional remoteness when they’re at their most vulnerable, now THAT'S impressive

submitted 28 days ago • 37 comments

the tiny pocket inside the normal pocket of my jeans is where i keep important stuff. [my emergency chicken nugget]

submitted 28 days ago • 22 comments

Imagine meeting the person of your dreams only to find they wear their baseball cap back to front.

submitted 28 days ago • 13 comments

*after eating 12 Fudgesicles* Me: Time to get to work! You: They actually sell popsicle sticks at craft stores. Me: Don't question my art!

submitted 28 days ago • 1 comment

If you're at a concert and the singer holds the mic out and makes you sing the lyrics you should get some of your money back

submitted 28 days ago • 43 comments

The neighborhood kids keep telling me to try deez nutz even though they know I have allergies.

submitted 28 days ago • 0 comments

Only suckers join the Lollipop Guild

submitted 28 days ago • 14 comments

The guy at the urinal next to me just tried to declare a thumb war

submitted 28 days ago • 10 comments

England expects every man to do his kegels.

submitted 27 days ago • 7 comments

God: I have created dog Man: ok God: it's super loyal Man: that's nice God: & will protect you Man: awesome God: & love you unconditionally Man: how wonderful God: & die way before you do Man: hold up

submitted 27 days ago • 19 comments

I muted a football game on tv that was making me angry and put on a show tunes Spotify list I made (called “Shunes”, bc life is too short to not be a happy dork as often as possible). Didn’t get an official notification, but pretty sure I just leveled up in the Human Simulation™️ we’re all in?

submitted 27 days ago • 1 comment

"I just want you to act like a normal human being today. Is that too much to ask?" Yes.

submitted 27 days ago • 11 comments