sonictyrant.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

i'm so close to standing on the side of the road barefoot wearing a sandwich board that says the end is nigh, like i'm just looking for the right hat at this point

submitted 5 hours ago • 30 comments

DEATH: You're grounded! Get back here! DEATH'S DAUGHTER: Whatever. gets on motorcycle, zooms across tightrope DEATH: HOW DARE YOU DEFY ME!

submitted 14 days ago • 3 comments

Gulping down another two raw oysters in front of an increasingly disturbed crowd. "Right down the hatch, no hesitation! I'm gonna be sick," they say. "What is that now, a dozen?" they ask. "Where did you get all those Rocky Mountain oysters, anyway?"

submitted 16 hours ago • 5 comments

I took some NyQuil trying to keep a cold at bay long enough to sleep, so it's either this gesturing to my posts or eating Tostitos in my underwear until I pass out.

submitted 11 hours ago • 4 comments

Priest: he was best known for inventing the jack in a box, and now a short musical interlude Pallbearer: starts winding a tiny handle on the side of the coffin

submitted 20 hours ago • 10 comments

i got stung by a radioactive bee i can't fly or make honey, but my knees look fucking spectacular

submitted 20 hours ago • 9 comments

"that's a nasty habit you've got there" i declare, as i goose Sister Agatha

submitted 19 hours ago • 2 comments

Wild how no one seems to care what the monitor lizards are monitoring — or who hired them to do it in the first place

submitted 5 days ago • 18 comments

Love means secretly recharging his toothbrush and he thinks its just the most amazing battery life ever

submitted 2 days ago • 6 comments

Reading Travels (Gulliver's version) and I don't know which is the more cathartic voyage of his artistic expression, the big exes or the little exes

submitted 19 hours ago • 2 comments

just realized that you can’t breathe while you are trying not to breathe

submitted 19 hours ago • 3 comments

What do you mean my post isn't funny? Do you have any idea about the demands on the shitposter of today? The tension between speed and timing, relevance and irreverence, pathos and humour. Just sit down and laugh g’dammit.

submitted 9 days ago • 7 comments

If you bury your head in the sand you can hear what it sounds like when crabs bite you while you suffocate

submitted 5 days ago • 2 comments

has been awake for a couple hours looks around Ok, well, should probably go take a nap

submitted 21 hours ago • 7 comments

Me (not a careful reader): Whoa, your name is awesome. Demise. It's ominous and powerful, like a god-boss in a JRPG game. Her: It's Denise.

submitted 3 days ago • 5 comments

Luigi Mangione is in prison for his own good. If he were freed, it would only be a matter of days (perhaps hours) before he turned into a dessicated mummy from having his dick sucked so much.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Guy: How many puppies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Do you know yet? Me (in a sea of puppies): No, they haven't done it. Bring more

submitted 94 days ago • 20 comments

Thoroughly enjoying this resurgence of the word dipshit. Way to go, social media!

submitted 2 days ago • 6 comments

Need a garden shed sized blueberry muffin that I can eat my way into then lay down for a nice warm, blueberry nap in.

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

Baby, let me rummage through your junk drawer, Baby.

submitted 23 hours ago • 3 comments

Professional face slapping seems like the kind of sport I could actually excel at.

submitted 57 days ago • 11 comments

Sorry I wrote ‘This is literally the best day of my life!' instead of 'Good luck, I'll miss you!' on your leaving card.

submitted 41 days ago • 5 comments

Isn’t it disappointing when you go to give blood and they don’t take all of it?

submitted 36 days ago • 16 comments

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Nope, it’s a joke going over your head again.

submitted 32 days ago • 18 comments

"I just want you to act like a normal human being today. Is that too much to ask?" Yes.

submitted 27 days ago • 11 comments