Profile avatar
spitandtears.bsky.social
Vintage artisanal locally-sourced mixed-use development. Heart attack survivor/quadruple bypass haver. Still not sure what I am trying to find here. Terrible at shitposting. #fuckcancer
1,670 posts 368 followers 752 following
Regular Contributor
Active Commenter

A Brief History of Kids Today Have Too Much Freedom 🧵

Me: *trying to sleep Brain: If Matthew McConaughey starred in a 70s detective show, it would probably be called "McConaughan". Me: Stop Brain: *imagines opening montage* He'd definitely slide across the hood of a car. Me: Yeah. He would.

For best results, wrap the Oreo crackers in foil and beat them with a hammer before putting them in your coffee grinder

Opening a skate park in Florida where you skate with gators called Sgators come see us

❓🤔❓

(australian cow) mauuur

Big news from my house - poop are food ghosts and haunt the sewers

This SNL thing isn’t going to be complete if they don’t show Fear’s performance from way back in the day

Hey did you guys know that twerk is not short for teamwork because I just found out

Singing to myself “It’s beta blocker time, it’s beta blocker time,” which I guess means that I am both old and really weird (and, naturally, that it’s beta blocker time)

BREAKING: Haliey Welch, known as "Hawk Tuah", has been nominated to serve as Chair of the FDIC

Sp*ctr*m can just eat a big ol’ bag of dicks. Just a giant dick bag, and a pile of shit. Absurdly difficult company to deal with. I guess they’ve never had a customer die and then that person’s executor request to close an account. Fucking idiots.

I'm a lesbian