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splat-man.bsky.social
Funnier in Mountain time Estd….‘77 You can tell by my skeets I am single. You’re all like no way, but it’s true
1,631 posts 700 followers 577 following
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Posts 42 Comments 8

submitted 2 hours ago • 1 comment

ope goes my give a fuks🎶🎶🎶

submitted 2 hours ago • 0 comments

I'm blocking anyone who tells me the Cheese Fairy isn't real

submitted 7 hours ago • 3 comments

Please believe me when I tell you that I am sincerely and deeply odd

submitted 3 hours ago • 1 comment

I go to wine tastings and spit it into the air like Triple H

submitted 3 hours ago • 5 comments

Delete Skeets Mcgee is my alter ego

submitted 9 hours ago • 0 comments

Fuck it Let’s make a pillow fort

submitted 1 hour ago • 4 comments

Queen, Kid Rock and the Beastie Boys came on the radio one after the other and all of a sudden I was dancing shirtless with a mullet, drinking brass monkey.

submitted 23 hours ago • 11 comments

Seeing white dude's pale legs is probably the worse part of summer for me.

submitted 2 hours ago • 20 comments

Said the word "ghastly" today and was instantly an elderly British therapist who knits tea cosies for all her favourite clients.

submitted 23 hours ago • 3 comments

why is nobody coming to my new bar Bar Bar Drinks

submitted 3 hours ago • 4 comments

Day old chili on my ass sounds good. Roll that beautiful bean footage

submitted 8 hours ago • 4 comments

My power was out for 12 hours and now I have Modernity Stockholm Syndrome.

submitted 5 hours ago • 3 comments

I just identified a cool bird by its call. It’s called a “truck backing up”

submitted 5 hours ago • 1 comment

the energy i am bringing:

submitted 4 hours ago • 0 comments

[gilbert gottfried voice] if you had one shot, one opportunity

submitted 5 hours ago • 1 comment

i wove you this coaster out of pubes i pulled out please respond

submitted 5 hours ago • 1 comment

Listened to binaural beats to sleep last night and had the worst nightmare of my life. I guess that’s not the fuckin frequency after all, Kenneth.

submitted 5 hours ago • 5 comments

if i was an office temp, i’d say things like “copy that” and “please get your fax straight” and “fuck you you’re not the boss of me” and

submitted 5 hours ago • 2 comments

I just thought that maybe you could cover me up with a layer of salami and read me a bedtime story

submitted 17 hours ago • 3 comments

So my personality is just built around my poor response to trauma…well that’s a bummer

submitted 5 hours ago • 0 comments

Fuck my ancestors for real not one of them assholes made creampies with someone who can be outside for more than 10 minutes

submitted 5 hours ago • 0 comments

Im defensive, petty, and full of spite. But I smoke a ton of weed and like to fuck. God doesn't give with both hands.

submitted 6 hours ago • 8 comments

“Still punk AF!” I whisper to myself while taking my meds

submitted 19 hours ago • 8 comments

Feed me delicious poison

submitted 19 hours ago • 9 comments

Got my vibrator high now all it wants to do is eat my pussy

submitted 22 hours ago • 15 comments

Asked 8, what am I gonna post in the morning, "good morning, the monster is awake" was her answer. Not wrong

submitted 20 hours ago • 9 comments

if you die in the arbys bathroom your dignity dies in real life

submitted 20 hours ago • 5 comments

the morning scroll has made me aware everyone is on the "burnout train"

submitted 9 hours ago • 7 comments

Weekend at Bernie's is my favorite movie about desecrating a corpse

submitted 9 hours ago • 1 comment

The kind of guy that makes things bearable

submitted 9 hours ago • 5 comments

like my cat, i too will follow you around for a little piece of cheese

submitted 7 hours ago • 1 comment

39 and up bluesky 😮‍💨 drop a pic with your age

submitted 6 hours ago • 1 comment

Sorry I’m late I was talking to the baby rabbits in my neighbour’s yard and they said to tell you fuck off

submitted 6 hours ago • 6 comments

My boobs say good morning.

submitted 8 hours ago • 1 comment

You’re all invited to the grand opening of the stray cat forts I made. Serving tuna and milk.

submitted 8 hours ago • 15 comments

I got no pleasure writing this ribbed condom joke

submitted 10 hours ago • 7 comments

Disney frowns upon people constantly asking if they can finger the princesses on one of their cruises. Also, did you know that they have a jail on Disney cruise ships?

submitted 9 hours ago • 8 comments

I meditate better when I’m eating a roast chicken.

submitted 23 hours ago • 2 comments

I got my vas ectomied at Claire’s

submitted 8 hours ago • 0 comments

If you look hard enough into your lovers eyes, you'll see the end of your relationship.

submitted 8 hours ago • 12 comments

He bought a box of French ticklers now instead of bad, the sex is merde

submitted 10 hours ago • 4 comments