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swishergirl24.bsky.social
I have two guys, one for each of you
65 posts 1,712 followers 155 following
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Posts 40 Comments 10

If you’re still supporting Trump at this point you’re a fucking rube

submitted 24 days ago • 0 comments

The fun thing about being alive today is every time I check the news we’ve lost more civil rights.

submitted 26 days ago • 0 comments

Trying to focus what I CAN control and that’s how much literal screaming I can do at a time.

submitted 29 days ago • 1 comment

I’m torn between wanting a flat stomach and wanting to eat 5 grilled cheese sandwiches right now.

submitted 39 days ago • 10 comments

I do not want a credit score. I want to frolick in the woods and the friend some crows.

submitted 40 days ago • 1 comment

when I want to make a huge fucking mess

submitted 43 days ago • 13 comments

Explain your username: I was sales rep for Swisher Sweets when I started twitter

submitted 43 days ago • 2 comments

BREAKING: Trump will change the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans to American oceans 1 and 2

submitted 46 days ago • 4 comments

🚨 BREAKING: Mike Johnson pledges to enact Project 2025 in its entirety

submitted 51 days ago • 431 comments

God I wish I was dumb enough to be hopeful in 2025.

submitted 51 days ago • 2 comments

A brand New Year? In this economy??

submitted 54 days ago • 2 comments

“911, what’s you emergency?” -people are pronouncing it ‘expresso’

submitted 64 days ago • 4 comments

Have you tried unplugging it and walking away forever to begin a new life under an assumed name

submitted 66 days ago • 17 comments

sure, everybody hates snake oil — until their snake starts squeaking

submitted 70 days ago • 26 comments

My 1000th follower gets a free ball of yarn

submitted 68 days ago • 6 comments

i see you posted a joke. here are the facts

submitted 93 days ago • 72 comments

Where is the crime TV show about women who snap over stuff like not being able to find something they had two seconds ago

submitted 81 days ago • 8 comments

Sometimes I worry that my son's childhood is too happy and he won't be funny when he's older.

submitted 69 days ago • 9 comments

I talk a lot of shit for someone with so many crumbs in their bed.

submitted 70 days ago • 0 comments

I only want people to tell me how long their baby was if it was over 3 feet

submitted 74 days ago • 46 comments

who is the ceo of obscenely bright LED headlights

submitted 75 days ago • 23 comments

“This is a mistake” -I whisper as I leave my house

submitted 71 days ago • 1 comment

[taking FRIENDS quiz] 7. Which character do you most identify with? ☑️ Ross 8. Which is your least favorite character? ☑️ Ross

submitted 93 days ago • 41 comments

imagine a country so furious about drag performers that it voted for polio

submitted 72 days ago • 1064 comments

i can legally take your salad under imminent romaine

submitted 76 days ago • 15 comments

@theironsherk.bsky.social Sherk!!

submitted 71 days ago • 1 comment

I’m a feminist but not a “wants to pay for things” feminist

submitted 72 days ago • 1 comment

My husband picks fights with me like he doesn’t even value half of all of his assets.

submitted 75 days ago • 1 comment

I’m only a failure by human standards. if I was a children’s book badger in an apron I’d be like “whoa this house is massive, and I own so many cheeses and jams.”

submitted 80 days ago • 25 comments

Step one: Aquire dragons

submitted 79 days ago • 0 comments

Life comes at you fast. One minute you’re doing coke off the back of a dive bar toilet and the next you’re excited to have a nuthatch and a titmouse at the feeder at the same time.

submitted 81 days ago • 2 comments

claustrophobia is so stupid. let Santa get married.

submitted 83 days ago • 107 comments

him: (looking at my scars) wow, how did you get those? me: (knowing they’re from my cat scratching me) war

submitted 97 days ago • 22 comments

Anyone who says “only god can judge me” hasn’t met my mother-in-law

submitted 82 days ago • 0 comments

The ghost of Christmas Past visited and transported me back to the ‘83 K-Mart Cabbage Patch riots

submitted 82 days ago • 14 comments

It would so awesome if there was some digital space where you could check the accuracy of your dumb ideas before posting them.

submitted 82 days ago • 1 comment

Don’t even try to murder me. My hair will be all over your house.

submitted 82 days ago • 1 comment

Massive away win for the little fella.

submitted 83 days ago • 589 comments

wife: remember to pick him up at 5 me: ok [later] me: [dropping 3-year-old son off at daycare] see ya in 2 years, bud

submitted 597 days ago • 0 comments

where you see only one set of footprints in the sand, my child, that is where redbull gave you wings

submitted 96 days ago • 4 comments