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th3rat.bsky.social
I live in the sewer and I love you they/them
65 posts 31 followers 175 following
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Posts 27 Comments 23

Scientists have developed an evil burger that makes you puke.

submitted 93 days ago • 0 comments

If you let me out of this ancient puzzle box I promise to be super chill. I didn’t even do anything bad. That crying statue that yelled “beware” when you walked in here was talking about something else. Just solve the fucking puzzle box bro. What if I said I had weed and Pokemon cards in here?

submitted 95 days ago • 0 comments

I regret insulting The Shapelord and not just because he trapped me in the Eternal Painagon.

submitted 96 days ago • 0 comments

It’s dew from the mountain and they blasted it Baja-style. You know how they blast things in Baja? Well they did it to the dang dew.

submitted 96 days ago • 0 comments

The thing about bugs is they’re cool as hell.

submitted 98 days ago • 0 comments

I’m flying by the seat of my pants and I just shit myself.

submitted 98 days ago • 0 comments

I’m a well-oiled machine but not one that’s supposed to be oiled. I’m so fucking slippery. Help.

submitted 100 days ago • 0 comments

Imagine trying to hit a bong with a toucan bill and you get it stuck.

submitted 102 days ago • 0 comments

Having a beak would be fucked up. Imagine trying to smoke with a beak.

submitted 102 days ago • 0 comments

If something can be bone-dry then surely it can also be flesh-wet.

submitted 102 days ago • 0 comments

D&D is a fun game where you and your friends gather around a table and spend three hours debating whether or not murder is justifiable

submitted 103 days ago • 0 comments

the bass or, as professionals call it, the fart guitar

submitted 104 days ago • 0 comments

Damn bro that orb is sick as hell. Maybe we could like I dunno go back to your spire and contemplate its arcane secrets…together. *wink*

submitted 104 days ago • 0 comments

If your name begins with a D and you’re not mad into dirtbikes what’s wrong with you? Don’t you want to be Dirtbike Dale or Dirtbike Dana? Why won’t you live up to your potential?

submitted 104 days ago • 0 comments

People call them cowboy “hats” but I’m pretty sure that’s just part of their head.

submitted 105 days ago • 0 comments

Ran a gothic horror one shot for the homies last night with zero prep and now I feel like I’m powerful enough to fight and eat God.

submitted 105 days ago • 0 comments

D&D campaign where the party’s job is to go through dungeons and make them safe for shitty, rich kids on summer break to tromp through and get the “real adventurer experience”.

submitted 105 days ago • 0 comments

What if there was a new kind of guy and he was a weird, little, wrinkly dude from space and he loved peanut butter candies?

submitted 105 days ago • 0 comments

Not bad, kid. You got a lot of potential. Stick with me and I’ll show you the ropes. Now curl into a ball. I wanna throw you through a window.

submitted 106 days ago • 0 comments

Apple Watch? I’d rather Apple Eat. Feed me an apple, ya dork. Yes like a horse.

submitted 106 days ago • 0 comments

Restaurants should let you order one long noodle to impress your date. Like it’s the same mass as a whole plate of spaghetti but you slurp it up in one go.

submitted 106 days ago • 0 comments

I think music in movies should be random. Nobody gets to choose. The director just spins a big wheel and guess what? Now your emotional death scene is set to a Bloodhound Gang song. Deal with it.

submitted 106 days ago • 0 comments

Sit down in my parlor, touch some numerical shapes, and listen to my beautiful slime words, friend.

submitted 106 days ago • 0 comments

The real reason to play D&D is to fulfill your desire to describe various oozes and slimes.

submitted 106 days ago • 0 comments

They should invent a new kind of Shrek that’s in your house.

submitted 106 days ago • 0 comments

The real reason to play D&D is to fulfill your desire to destroy your friends with giant spiders.

submitted 106 days ago • 0 comments

That’s Winkle Pedia, the smartest guy at Internet High School

submitted 106 days ago • 0 comments