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thawedhead.bsky.social
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Early smoke emissions indicate a close race: Archbishop of São Salvador da Bahia was off to an early lead with his juggling and spinning plate act during the talent section. Soon thereafter the Apostolic Prefect of Ulaanbaatar surprised everyone with a strong showing in the swimsuit competition.

submitted 53 days ago • 0 comments

Trump has announced that he will send prisoners to Celtris III until they confess that they see 5 lights.

submitted 54 days ago • 0 comments

Trump has announced that he's reopening Shawshank and putting you in solitary confinement for calling him obtuse.

submitted 54 days ago • 0 comments

After planning to reopen Alcatraz, Trump announces that the Mayberry town jail will be reopened to house America's drunks.

submitted 54 days ago • 0 comments

submitted 79 days ago • 107 comments

You say tear-iff, I say tar-iff Tear-iff! Tar-iff! Tear-iff! Tar-iff! Let's call the whole thing off! (No, they're on! They're off! Wait they're back on! They're off but not for China!) 🎶

submitted 81 days ago • 0 comments

Get ready for some new personal best numbers.

submitted 87 days ago • 16 comments

Hopefully Strom Thurmond took some time out of his busy schedule burning in hell to get the news that he was just beaten by a black man.

submitted 88 days ago • 313 comments

I spoke to an expert in authoritarianism, who explained to me that things like this are extremely meaningful and they help protect democracy, even if there’s not a straight line between this and actual legislating

submitted 88 days ago • 513 comments

Calm down, everyone. Washington once accidently sent his plans to attack Cornwallis at Yorktown (replete with fist bump emojis) to reporter Bartholomew Quisling at the New-England Courant via carrier pigeon. It happens all the time.

submitted 95 days ago • 0 comments

This segment from @maryannefranks.bsky.social is an incredibly tight argument that captures the breadth of the Trump assault on free speech perfectly and in less than a minute. Spread it far and wide.

submitted 96 days ago • 55 comments

Donald, bring it. I’m so tired of your victimy whiney belly aching crap. You friggin won and you STILL are complaining all the time. BRING IT YOU SMALL LITTLE BOY

submitted 104 days ago • 707 comments

Newsflash: due to uncertainty due Trump's chaotic economic policies, Warren Buffet recommends you chase leprechauns for their pots of gold.

submitted 104 days ago • 0 comments

Democratic funding idea: donate $500 and you get to slap Schumer ala Benny Hill. Donate $1000 and Bill Clinton will play "Yakety Sax" at the same time.

submitted 107 days ago • 0 comments

Trump and Vance welcomed Zelenskyy to the White House today. The meeting got tense when Zelenskyy didn't say "uncle" enough.

submitted 121 days ago • 0 comments