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thechaosbarbie.com
used to be ‘someone’. ✨ now: an imperfect human focused on becoming a better no one… and shower cake.✨ Chaos Barbie sorts through the chaos and minutiae of existence. With a machete. Spectrum Circus™ + Trauma Shaman™ (being a jerk = fastest block ever.)
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I laughed, I cried, I threw up in my mouth a little, then cried again… The big uglies are coming hard and fast these days — I doubt I could stop ‘em even if I tried. I don’t know what an exorcism looks like, but I sure fucking know what they feel like. This one hurt — the best ones usually do.

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

A quick reminder, babes: • Control without equal responsibility is just exploitation. • Authority without commensurate obligation is just abuse. Don’t get it twisted.

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

We could just be reading great books, watching good movies, and eating fruit. Instead we have to survive/fight miserable power hoarders. What a waste of limited time.

submitted 10 days ago • 128 comments

*speaking to my daughter’s class on career day* anyone here have any literature on how to get wine stains out of a dog?

submitted 16 days ago • 1 comment

I don’t understand what the big deal about Valentine’s Day is anyway (other than the candy hearts and sugar cookies)… I fuck myself on a daily basis. Over, around, under, literally — every day is Valentine’s Day when you’re an idiot, okay?! 🩷❤️

submitted 10 days ago • 1 comment

submitted 12 days ago • 0 comments

The problem with pushing an overachieving, people-pleasing, traumatized autistic person too far is that eventually, we become lawless and either end up going the way of Melon + Fuckerberg et al, OR we go the opposite direction: blonde, white, Lululemon suburb-mom anarchists who tear down the system.

submitted 12 days ago • 1 comment

I bet Melon Musk doesn’t even say “oooooh, big stretch” when his dog does indeed do a very big stretch.

submitted 12 days ago • 0 comments

Yes, there IS a real and legitimate OnlyStans, but it’s *literally* just shirtless me in a shop apron changing tubes and tires, and teaching you how to put a 4mm in the valve hole so your rim strip won’t slip. … and making dumb jokes, because DUH. 🙄🤣 Yes, I AM pretty fucking hilarious. ✨⚡️

submitted 12 days ago • 0 comments

Just in case you’re not aware, I use the phrase “in this house” VERY facetiously, to the extent that I want to make an agitprop of the colorful-yet-cliche yard signs: IN THIS HOUSE, - we say ‘fuck the police’ with our whole chest - ‘good cop’ = a dead cop - abolish carceral systems - sue the pigs

submitted 12 days ago • 0 comments

not a new observation but Elon Musk genuinely isn't very bright, genuinely has no idea how most things work, and his entire supergenius engineer persona is a tech press-enabled mythology (they've never been held accountable for)

submitted 12 days ago • 460 comments

I definitely watched way too many 80s & 90s Disney films, but the only thing my brain references when I see Melon Musk pulling dumb shit is the scene in Aladdin where Jafar cries “ULTIMATE POWWWWWERRRRRRR”, is SO HYPED, then finds out the *conditions* of being a genie. That’s Elon + his stupidity.

submitted 12 days ago • 1 comment

Buddy it’s been three weeks

submitted 12 days ago • 5 comments

In *this* house, we believe that the only good cop is a dead cop. … and that includes ICE.

submitted 12 days ago • 1 comment

This has to be the most spot-on take I've seen yet.

submitted 14 days ago • 0 comments

Bike trainer thoughts tonight… amandabatty.substack.com/p/trust-the-...

submitted 13 days ago • 0 comments

Truly fantastic thread of great Willamette wines. ✨

submitted 13 days ago • 0 comments

Does anyone else in Portland do obnoxiously-early AM uphill ski laps at Timberline? My goal is to get out there at least once per week (twice if possible) for the rest of the season — it’s just myself and Koba!

submitted 13 days ago • 0 comments

Well, I guess I’ve been AI for ever and ever and ever. I do not actually exist, folks. 🤣😂

submitted 14 days ago • 0 comments

Oh, Portland. Thank you for teaching me how to jettison my fear. How to… just let go. Thank you for giving me this year. This change. This beauty. Thank you for teaching me what I really need, and giving me the courage to go after it. The last six months healed me in all the ways I needed. 🩷

submitted 15 days ago • 2 comments

Just as scientists stopped using the term ‘global warming’ in favor of ‘climate change’, we really need to stop using ‘toxic masculinity’ and start calling it what it is: faux masculinity. A MOTHERFUCKIN THREAD:

submitted 16 days ago • 1 comment

Tonight, I’m deleting my apps, running a giant tub of skin-boiling water and getting shitfaced drunk on wine, sugar cookies and strawberry frosting in the tub. Turns out, I’m still just a toddler. Ciao!

submitted 19 days ago • 0 comments

I’m extremely vulnerable to being snatched up right now by anyone with pizza, hugs and a Canadian/Mexican/anywherebuthisfuckingshhithole passport… But I’d settle for a cold beer or forty.

submitted 19 days ago • 1 comment