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thecherrytuna.bsky.social
Professional actor, amateur goofball.
48 posts 12 followers 15 following
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Posts 44 Comments 6

What doctors don’t want you to know is it’s not just gum; everything takes 7 years to digest.

submitted 240 days ago • 0 comments

*TSA agent pulls powder out of my ass* TSA: This… is just table sugar. Me: Teehee!

submitted 242 days ago • 0 comments

The best part about beef jerky is I get to pretend I’m a cowboy surviving out in the desert.

submitted 283 days ago • 0 comments

If any rich people are interested in adopting some rando to become their nepo baby, I’m totally game.

submitted 402 days ago • 0 comments

According to the saying, if you have a bird in hand and throw it into a bush, you immediately double its value.

submitted 492 days ago • 0 comments

Seeing how dumb AI can be makes living in a simulation start to make a lot of sense.

submitted 496 days ago • 0 comments

Since Sweeney Todd 20% of my haircuts are intrusive thoughts. The other 80% is still wondering where I should be looking.

submitted 497 days ago • 0 comments

When life gives you lemons, shove them up your ass.

submitted 498 days ago • 0 comments

Recently bought a chocolate Kinder Disappointment egg. The toy inside was just a little mirror 😔

submitted 500 days ago • 0 comments

God: Places the eighth leg on the spider. “Ew, what the heck.” Adds a dozen eyes. “Haha, what the fuck am I doing?”

submitted 503 days ago • 0 comments

BREAKING: Scientists discover the actual most important meal of the day is a load of sugary treats right before bed; young people everywhere rejoice.

submitted 508 days ago • 0 comments

I wish my phone would save a copy of every voicemail I leave so I can review exactly how unhinged I sound.

submitted 514 days ago • 0 comments

Wish someone told me signing all emails with UWU ;o is considered unprofessional.

submitted 516 days ago • 0 comments

Is constantly thinking about the Roman Empire a red flag?

submitted 522 days ago • 0 comments

So can Daredevil “see” farts?

submitted 526 days ago • 0 comments

I lost my mood ring and I have no idea how I feel about it.

submitted 528 days ago • 0 comments

Flight attendant: Is there a Plummer onboard?! Doc: I’m a doctor! Flight attendant: Shut the f**k up, this is an emergency!!

submitted 529 days ago • 0 comments

Wait, was Confucius Yoda?

submitted 546 days ago • 1 comment

Me, panicking with phone support: “P as in Pneumonia? K as in Knot. G as in Gnome.”

submitted 550 days ago • 0 comments

Not a lot of people know this, but the chest bursting scene from Alien was based on the insufferable constipation we all get when we travel.

submitted 551 days ago • 0 comments

Hey does anyone know why stovetops have nipples?

submitted 553 days ago • 0 comments

If you use your phone in the movie theatre, I just want you to know the rest of us all go home and immediately complain about you.

submitted 554 days ago • 0 comments

Arby’s owner agreed to buy Subway for $9.6 billion. HOW IS ARBY’S DOING BETTER THAN SUBWAY??

submitted 556 days ago • 0 comments

Don’t just suffer from crippling anxiety. Smell like it. New scent by L’Oréal.

submitted 556 days ago • 0 comments

Have you ever cried on a plane like a little baby? It’s pretty good. I get it now.

submitted 558 days ago • 0 comments

The moon glows yellow. The wind smells of toasted pie crust. The city chants in unison: “PUMPKIN SPICE. PUMPKIN SPICE.” It has begun.

submitted 559 days ago • 0 comments

Is baby talk annoying? Asking for a frwend.

submitted 562 days ago • 0 comments

I used to have regular dick energy until I started speaking with a Batman voice. Ask your doctor if becoming Batman is right for you.

submitted 563 days ago • 0 comments

Enjoyed Babenheimer yesterday, but still wondering what Babe the pig has to do with Oppenheimer.

submitted 588 days ago • 0 comments

[ gets death tarot card ] me: i've heard it's really not that bad blackjack dealer: idk seems kinda bad

submitted 604 days ago • 11 comments

A pal just described getting an account on Threads as "driving down the highway just to look at the billboards" and I was utterly amazed by how perfect that was

submitted 604 days ago • 7 comments

I don’t always drink beer, but when I do, it’s actually just a coke zero.

submitted 605 days ago • 0 comments

There’s a special type of awkward floor staring you just can’t get outside of a haircut.

submitted 605 days ago • 0 comments

submitted 606 days ago • 25 comments

My dad doesn’t know how to text, so he emails us instead- and isn’t that just the most adorable little boomer thing you’ve ever heard of? 👴🏻❤️

submitted 606 days ago • 0 comments

If you lie down on the floor in McDonald's you get to meet the manager

submitted 606 days ago • 31 comments

it came to me in a dream

submitted 606 days ago • 23 comments

Me using:

submitted 608 days ago • 0 comments

myspace tom has the chance to do the funniest thing of all time and build an electric car

submitted 608 days ago • 26 comments

But they were all of them deceived, for another twitter was made.

submitted 608 days ago • 0 comments

Hootsuite be licking their lips right now.

submitted 608 days ago • 0 comments

Ask your doctor if waking up is right for you

submitted 633 days ago • 5 comments

*opening twitter* she tweet on my skeet till i throot *switching to bluesky* [posting a close up of one nipple] u will see me in hell before i use another mega corp social media *switching to threads* i am drinking so much juice lmfao me: and thats how u do it baby my date: this is like a hobby?

submitted 609 days ago • 6 comments

There’s a limit to how much juice I can drink before I start pooping myself and I can’t believe science hasn’t solved this yet.

submitted 609 days ago • 0 comments