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thejessbess.bsky.social
184 posts 1,193 followers 78 following
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Posts 49 Comments 1

Your orb stop pulsing synchronously with your brain? Obelisk no longer mind-conforming? COME ON DOWN TO CRAZY JERRY'S DISCOUNT ORB & OBELISK.

submitted 17 hours ago • 9 comments

my parents don’t “watch” Rachel Maddow, she lives in their brains, they consider her their friend, they are on a first name basis they refer to her as Rachel

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

[my world crumbling around me] what am i gonna make for dinner

submitted 3 days ago • 11 comments

have u blown bubbles from a straw into a glass of milk lately

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

I'm so sensitive right now I will cry right this second I stg

submitted 2 days ago • 3 comments

my therapist: DBT me: lobotomy — aah! We were so close to saying the same thing that time

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

p sure we shouldn’t have opened that sarcophagus

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

This absolutely fucks me. This absolutely fucks me. This absolutely fucks me. I NEED telehealth. Please contact your reps and tell them to fight this. This is going to harm so many people. Do this for me.

submitted 2 days ago • 8 comments

my therapist to me today:

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

short live the king

submitted 3 days ago • 16 comments

sometimes i drive at night without my glasses to feel some excitement

submitted 2 days ago • 2 comments

Anyone else feel like a sucker for paying taxes and generally obeying the law?

submitted 2 days ago • 32 comments

adult cows wear moomoos & baby cows wear calftans. folks,, this isn’t even today’s worst i have more

submitted 2 days ago • 17 comments

(At the start of every week) I have to figure out my life this week

submitted 2 days ago • 7 comments

(screaming)

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

americans love to rag on the french but if this was all happening in france there would already be some headless politicians

submitted 3 days ago • 9 comments

I'm not here to make friends I'm here to learn karate

submitted 3 days ago • 5 comments

[arriving late to work] BOSS: what do you have to say for yourself ME: cmon man I’ve been way later than this

submitted 3 days ago • 1 comment

[threatening a baby] here comes the airplane

submitted 3 days ago • 136 comments

many years ago a landlord I had would send an el salvadoran handyman named Francisco whenever we needed stuff repaired. he had a crush on me and would sext me in broken english. “show me your naples” is one that I held onto and hope to use in the future.

submitted 3 days ago • 9 comments

Alexa who am I, what day is it

submitted 3 days ago • 4 comments

assasinate him

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

My sixth sense is mistrust.

submitted 4 days ago • 1 comment

Are you alarmed yet lol

submitted 4 days ago • 20 comments

ATTENTION: a new retro design for these dystopian times is up: WE'RE SO FUCKING FUCKED is now available at my Threadless shop. a third of every sale (shirts, stickers, etc) will be donated directly to the Trevor Project CHECK IT OUT I HAVE SPOKEN: bornmiserable.threadless.com/designs/were...

submitted 4 days ago • 2 comments

have a great day or whatever

submitted 4 days ago • 1 comment

If you like good things and don't like bad things, reskeet this.

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

me: *completes more education (in STEM) than either of my boomer parents, has had a full time job for almost 10 years, and still lives in a 1 bedroom apartment in a relatively low cost city* my parents: have you considered this is because you don't use coupons at the store

submitted 4 days ago • 6 comments

Kash Patel is dangerous & unqualified to be the Director of the FBI. Use @@standupamerica.bsky.social’s tool and urge your senators to reject his confirmation: act.standupamerica.com/letters/lett...

submitted 4 days ago • 1 comment

I don't want to find a new job, I want to go to sleep under a tree for a thousand years

submitted 4 days ago • 4 comments

Excited to soon be taken to a billionaire’s private island and hunted for sport!

submitted 4 days ago • 12 comments

[RFK Jr, brainstorming more dumb fuckin ideas] Ok how about this: gluten free handguns

submitted 4 days ago • 10 comments

It would mean a great deal to me if you would sell me that brand new car for $17

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

the tarot cards said you’re a bitch

submitted 6 days ago • 1 comment

*retrieving the charging cord from the floor next to my bed* i am an athlete

submitted 7 days ago • 25 comments

idk what's wrong with your ghost particles but mine feel like a nice weighted blanket

submitted 7 days ago • 6 comments

hi just thinking how i’ve been friends with @breadery.bsky.social @thejessbess.bsky.social @sensualdad.bsky.social @theciscokidder.bsky.social @stevesuckington.bsky.social for twelve fucking years AND WE MET ON TWITTER just so wild ily all so much

submitted 7 days ago • 5 comments

told my dude not to get me anything for valentine’s day and i mean it, save that sweet dosh for groceries lad

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

[in alice cooper voice] beee myyyyy valentine

submitted 9 days ago • 8 comments

ROOMMATE NEEDED in miracle mile/LA. MOVE IN APRIL 2! space: 2 bed/2 bath 1020 sq. ft. - private room with ensuite full bath. full kitchen/furnished living room. central ac/heat. SMOKE FREE gated community w 24 hour onsite security. heated salt water pool/hot tub and gym. assigned garage parking. 🧵

submitted 9 days ago • 2 comments

roses are red nothing is real take a deep breath that one song by Seal

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

My secret is I'm immune to locking in

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

Huh. I guess it is pretty easy to dismantle democracy. How about that.

submitted 10 days ago • 12 comments

[interviewer] and what about this space on your resume? [me] oh thats when i gave up for a bit

submitted 10 days ago • 3 comments

It's times like these that I'm grateful everything is all made up and nothing is real

submitted 18 days ago • 13 comments

Pouring one out for my fallen homie (America)

submitted 10 days ago • 5 comments

Pronouncing senate like karate.

submitted 10 days ago • 4 comments

At this point, it seems like these assholes actually *want* to be tarred and feathered?

submitted 11 days ago • 122 comments

I'm at that age where someone can call me the wrong name and I'm just like whatever I'll be dan for a minute

submitted 11 days ago • 13 comments