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thenzero.bsky.social
5 posts 188 followers 292 following
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Posts 46 Comments 1

If you’re siding with Vladimir Putin, you’re wrong.

submitted 6 days ago • 1452 comments

babe what’s wrong, you’ve hardly talked about your horoscope today

submitted 7 days ago • 5 comments

"Your laugh is like a sunset," I say right before I nail gun my hand to the frame of a revolving door

submitted 332 days ago • 1 comment

A reminder that for the 99% of people earning less than $360,000 a year in the USA. TAXES ARE GOING UP.

submitted 7 days ago • 3 comments

NOTICE: All River Side Casino employees should immediately stop sending us emails, telling us what you did this week. A lot of it is really gross. Really gross.

submitted 7 days ago • 5 comments

People voted to end the Civil Rights Era because they thought eggs were too expensive.

submitted 104 days ago • 1 comment

Americans are not prepared for the level of overt corruption, breaking of laws, and straight up misbehavior on the part of the elites in this country, but it's coming. Ask your friends from certain parts of South America, Africa, and Asia how it all turns out for us.

submitted 40 days ago • 0 comments

I dunno, man. Maybe the whole plan to shock and awe federal employees as a means of demoralizing them into taking fugazi buyouts didn't take into account people who work for the government like, say, air traffic controllers and was a terrible idea.

submitted 32 days ago • 0 comments

When I tell someone, "I hope you get everything you voted for," please know that that is not a friendly salutation.

submitted 25 days ago • 0 comments

This hits it out of the park!

submitted 9 days ago • 1 comment

Please, sir. My idiot. He is blithery.

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

Way to go, Sheryl!!

submitted 9 days ago • 331 comments

All this bullshit immediately crumbles when it's presented to anyone who's not a sympathetic cohost on your podcast

submitted 9 days ago • 156 comments

Mid life crisis mutant ninja turtles

submitted 10 days ago • 24 comments

We believe in one Rice. The Roni, the Almighty. The maker of Roni and Rice. Of all that is Rice a Roni

submitted 10 days ago • 3 comments

WIFE: This chowder is beautifully creamy, the briney flavours complimented by the celery and onion, with the apple cider rum a perfect accompaniment. CHEF: Thank you. ME: *putting a cocktail sword in a mussel* Look Sharon. A clamurai.

submitted 10 days ago • 16 comments

*Slams dictionary shut til Monday*

submitted 10 days ago • 42 comments

Can’t wait for tomorrow so I can find out in which ways it will be worse than today.

submitted 10 days ago • 11 comments

me: i didn't get the job wife: why not? me: something about my eyesight wife: what EXACTLY did they say? me: that i needed “adult supervision”

submitted 12 days ago • 6 comments

the only illegal immigrant taking all of America’s jobs is Elon Musk

submitted 11 days ago • 2 comments

It's like Kant said, "Metaphysics is a dark ocean without shores or lighthouse, strewn with many a philosophic wreck, and the entirety of it is stored in the balls."

submitted 14 days ago • 18 comments

The phrase "By the skin of our teeth" has some disquieting implications.

submitted 12 days ago • 3 comments

Good morning America...💙

submitted 11 days ago • 149 comments

COWBOY: giddyap HORSE: not until you recognize the value of my labor COW: leave it, he’s not gonna listen HORSE: no, i’m tired of this gary SHEEP: yeah gary this guy is baaaad news

submitted 12 days ago • 8 comments

How was your day? [flashback to me getting sucked into a tornado] pretty good

submitted 12 days ago • 6 comments

Great news, you’ve collected enough plastics in your body to start forming an exoskeleton. The universe will always bend toward crab.

submitted 12 days ago • 55 comments

(Dentist whispering into my open mouth) it is necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live

submitted 293 days ago • 16 comments

person who had surgery to replace their heart with a demon: if jesus were alive today he’d love these cuts to government spending

submitted 12 days ago • 0 comments

I'm sure I speak for many of us when I say fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuiuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

submitted 12 days ago • 12 comments

Tomorrow is a new day (threatening)

submitted 42 days ago • 0 comments

Can’t remember if it was Shakespeare or Dickens who said “let me get my face in dem tiddies.”

submitted 12 days ago • 9 comments

Doge hasn't found fraud what they've found is a lot of fucking stupid people that will believe anything

submitted 13 days ago • 0 comments

Daughter: mom, what are you thankful for? Wife: [watching me eat a turkey leg while hip-thrusting to Gangnam style] Xanax

submitted 95 days ago • 3 comments

Did I sleep last night? Of course not. Do I have to work an 11 hour shift today? Of course I do.

submitted 12 days ago • 1 comment

Oh a bill you say? There’s already fucking laws! Enforce those fucker

submitted 12 days ago • 4 comments

I like reading, long walks on the beach, and making questionable life choices.

submitted 12 days ago • 6 comments

🏹

submitted 14 days ago • 13 comments

“What time will you be back?” “It’s a crusade, Darlene, I don’t know.” “Pick up milk on your way home. 2%.” “Fine, I will if I live.“ “Don’t be so dramatic, Ronald.” “I’m not being-“ “Also some tampons.”

submitted 15 days ago • 13 comments

Teach a man to fish and he’ll eventually claim he just always had that knowledge innately and then try to explain to you how fishing works

submitted 43 days ago • 77 comments

Just moved this beauty to the non fiction section

submitted 13 days ago • 3 comments

The combination of totally haphazard, clueless dipshittery and calculated evil is really something.

submitted 13 days ago • 12 comments

The sooner we collectively realize that Elon Musk is a shitposting, conspiracy-addled fool, who needs to stay out of public policy not upend it, the safer we’ll all be.

submitted 13 days ago • 307 comments

DAD: time to go kids get in the car BIG BROTHER: i call shotgun SISTER: i call assault rifle LITTLE BROTHER: aww man i always get stuck with the pistol

submitted 13 days ago • 4 comments

Another nooooo

submitted 16 days ago • 0 comments

Art by Steve R Dodd ‘Deep Space: The Black Bubble Nebula’ (2018, acrylics on canvas)

submitted 17 days ago • 2 comments

A version of Toto’s “Africa” that I think we can all appreciate right now 😭

submitted 18 days ago • 15 comments