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thestevenprice.bsky.social
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When the moon hits your knees As you mispronounce trees - Sycamore

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

"Shootin' at the walls of heartache Chitty Chitty I am the warrior..." Scandal Lyrics (First pass) 1984

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

It's been almost three years since my lower legs were amputated. You'd think somebody would have invited me to go on a pub crawl by now.

submitted 20 days ago • 0 comments

Several teenagers were caught trying to bungee jump off the side of the high school. They were all suspended.

submitted 24 days ago • 0 comments

A visitor to the Louvre was arrested after trying to have his way with the Venus de Milo. He was charged with statutory rape.

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments

"Turtle soup, waiter, and make it snappy!"

submitted 32 days ago • 0 comments

The flasher wanted to retire, but he decided to stick it out for another year.

submitted 34 days ago • 0 comments

I removed my shirt, took a knife and a stick of butter, and patted myself on the back.

submitted 36 days ago • 0 comments

As I've grown older, I've become a bit of a square. Perhaps I should consider having my hip replaced.

submitted 39 days ago • 0 comments

In France, The Weeknd is known as "Le Week-nd".

submitted 40 days ago • 0 comments

submitted 41 days ago • 0 comments

I once wrote an opera about spoons. Audiences found it stirring.

submitted 41 days ago • 0 comments

I was raised by cannibals, but I realized they didn't want me around anymore when they started giving me the cold shoulder.

submitted 42 days ago • 0 comments

You were so ugly as a kid, your mom had to tie a pork chop around your neck so the dog would play with you.

submitted 44 days ago • 0 comments

Never hit a man with glasses. Use something larger and heavier.

submitted 44 days ago • 0 comments

If you feel like you need to take a shit, don't hesitate. Carpe B.M.!

submitted 47 days ago • 0 comments

I was born Chinese, but I became disoriented.

submitted 47 days ago • 0 comments

A dung beetle walked into a bar and asked, "Is this stool taken?"

submitted 48 days ago • 1 comment

I quit shoplifting breakfast cereal a while ago, but I still have a few Trix up my sleeve.

submitted 50 days ago • 0 comments

Ev'ry time you go away, You take a piece of meat with you...

submitted 52 days ago • 0 comments

I was shocked to find a peephole in my shower. My landlady said she'd look into it.

submitted 53 days ago • 0 comments