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tnrefugee.bsky.social
I’ve lived a life of filthy bliss. Figuring out life in a multigenerational home.
432 posts 1,311 followers 1,001 following
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Posts 44 Comments 5

the masculine urge to pour all the crushed chips at the bottom of the bag into his mouth at once

submitted 13 hours ago • 5 comments

it's time to have the drug talk with my son and i'm really nervous because i still haven't paid him for the last ounce

submitted 12 hours ago • 5 comments

If I had any I would call my bangers feed bangers a gongers get it onners

submitted 11 hours ago • 6 comments

Need a garden shed sized blueberry muffin that I can eat my way into then lay down for a nice warm, blueberry nap in.

submitted 11 hours ago • 3 comments

The doctor said I need to do things to get my heart rate up so I'm letting my teen son drive me around.

submitted 10 hours ago • 16 comments

Every so often I remember that Oprah brought us Dr Phil, Dr Oz and The Secret but the only person she brought back to destroy on her show was the guy who pretended to be a worse drug addict than he actually was in a book

submitted 16 hours ago • 152 comments

I want a motion sensor on my gravestone that plays the opening to 'Thriller' when people walk past.

submitted 15 hours ago • 5 comments

I only want what's best for the squirrels.

submitted 15 hours ago • 9 comments

Life's all about choice and today I can't decide if I should deep clean my kitchen or throw myself into an active volcano.

submitted 14 hours ago • 17 comments

It was the worst of times, it was the holy smokes how much worse are things gonna get of times.

submitted 14 hours ago • 3 comments

I find your grandmother’s knickknack collection alarmingly lackluster.

submitted 13 hours ago • 33 comments

I just want to be as optimistic as the rusty motel sign off the old highway that says COLOR TV

submitted 13 hours ago • 7 comments

how many more full moons until we all agree the moon is always full somewhere

submitted 1 day ago • 8 comments

hello and welcome to poundtown, I am the mayor due to gerrymandering

submitted 23 hours ago • 7 comments

Hey guys. It’s okay to wear tiny pants when you don’t need it lot of ball room.

submitted 20 hours ago • 0 comments

Two Girls, One Goat & Granny’s Purse sounds like the worst porn ever.

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

call me captain the way I’m plundering that booty

submitted 1 day ago • 6 comments

i’ve always been a pretty big fan of media but i just tried content for the first time and mwah chef’s kiss so good

submitted 1 day ago • 6 comments

Layering a lasagna in the bathtub for some sexy time later

submitted 1 day ago • 7 comments

I am woman, hear me “whatever.”

submitted 1 day ago • 6 comments

Sorry I shitposted the bed.

submitted 1 day ago • 13 comments

A big shout out to the grandkids who ruined my daughter’s visit to the Discovery Park Of America by not being interested in anything but the gift shop.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

ASTEROID: *speeds toward earth* ASTEROID'S MOM: *grabs asteroid by the collar* stay away from there you might catch something

submitted 1 day ago • 6 comments

Painful if meant literally: Going off half-cocked

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

[first dog ever launched into space] wait this isn't the park

submitted 1 day ago • 15 comments

I'm 0 for 7 with getting anyone to appreciate my "let's make this urinal an ourinal" joke

submitted 1 day ago • 35 comments

Eating egg salad and baked beans on Saturday nights so everyone can enjoy church as much as I do.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

There's a coffee can buried in the front yard with enough quarters to cover my tombstone just make sure they carve an exploding double Galaga ship with the classic tantrum "I pressed the button!"

submitted 1 day ago • 5 comments

Don't make it weird, and just take these baby chickens I caught for you

submitted 1 day ago • 9 comments

i don’t use punctuation bc i have a built in proofreading function and my brain automatically punctuates as i read things

submitted 1 day ago • 10 comments

Whatever snack my kid doesn't finish in her lunchbox, I just leave in there. By Friday, she's got a Golden Corral style buffet.

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

Sorry I yelled out, "THE WIRE TRANSFER IS COMPLETE," when I came.

submitted 1 day ago • 17 comments

It was the worst of times, it was the ‘fuck it, send’ of times.

submitted 1 day ago • 5 comments

we have deviated from the deviation from the deviation from the deviation from the deviation and at this point we might actually be back on track to being back on track to being back on track to being back on track

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

For the longest time I thought people were saying “it’s a doggy dog World” & I always thought fuck ya sounds great

submitted 1 day ago • 33 comments

I remember waiting tables after The American Birkebeiner one year and I got a table of Norwegians. I proudly told them our family still has Lutefisk at Christmas only to hear “We don’t eat that shit anymore because have refrigeration now.”

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

If I clutch my pearls, it’s only because I don’t want to lose them whilst doing the tango

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

my dogs probably think i'm an idiot for only sleeping once a day

submitted 1 day ago • 15 comments

Putting, “Comedian,” in my bio so people know up front that I’m not funny.

submitted 1 day ago • 12 comments

I recite REO Speedwagon lyrics while ritualistically burning old tool handles – the old ways shall not be forgotten

submitted 1 day ago • 17 comments

forgot i did this like five months after they laid us all off

submitted 2 days ago • 42 comments

I wish you no harm, but I hope when you need something, you find yourself surrounded by people just like you.

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

None of us knows what the hell is going on. I take comfort in that.

submitted 1 day ago • 11 comments

There should be a breathalyzer on people’s phone that stops them from texting

submitted 1 day ago • 10 comments